A headline from Publishers Weekly:

And later today, Mickey Kaus will stake out the unexpected and counterintuitive pro-olive oil but anti-balsamic vinegar stance.

Really? No way. Next they're going to tell us that sitting on the couch, watching TV, and eating Doritos, may encourage weight gain.

Turns out Adam Moss's New York beauty pageant wasn't a contest for the king and queen of this five-borough'd homecoming dance, as we'd reported, but rather an effort to find the 50 Most Beautiful New Yorkers.

That's the most interesting thing about all those poor, black children starving to death: They actually don't have human faces.

Some vetter from the White House Counsel's office is getting fired right about now, we imagine.

If you look at the Times' most e-mailed articles as an indicator of what's on America's mind, today's answer is disturbingly random: Unabomber sensibility flavored with just enough food to keep your ass looking like that of a 16-year-old.

It's like reliving those horrible days when you had to choose between Friends and Survivor.

A dozen years earlier, and high school would have been significantly less terrible.

Usually we post headlines to make fun of them. But this one, for some reason, we just kind of love. We like the flow. We like the odd story it's telling. We like the pileup of elegant noun-adjective combos: young dancers, speeding car, long trail.

It's not a rhetorical question.

In fairness, we've kinda been missing those Sally Struthers commercials lately.

You think?

We know CNN's in a tough ratings war with Fox News, but they can't think the FCC smiles on televised electrocutions, can they?

We'll save you the effort: If you have to take an online quiz to find out, you are.

A GMA exec was displeased to discover some dog doo in a conference room last week, and she subsequently sent an email reminding staff that their pets belong at home, reports ol' Drudgie. He adds:

That's legal to show on TV?

Contrary to popular belief, this is not an autobiographical article.

This is bad:

We're imagining the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan, except the Nazis are defending an air-conditioned shopping mall.