Drinky ladies! Fewer smokers! Cheaper hospitals! Zombie mutants! Frozen athletes! Gay health! Cancer survivors! Pregnant painkillers! And you don't need no blood thinner girl, you look fine! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—relatively painlessly!
Mars rocks! Skinny gene! Saffron cancer! Body odor! Beetle drones! Intergalactic traffic! Antibiotic resistance! Old fossils! And a whole new theory of prehistoric hand axe timing! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—coleopteristically!
Depressercise! Eczema breasts! Sugar drinks! Dead babies! College smoking! Porn hiatus! Bird flu! Fat science! And all your tense sleep is making you tense, and sleepy! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—invasively!
We well-meaning men have been trying to tell you this for years, ladies: your fancy hairdo is dumb. And it sucks up time that could be better spent on other things like, I don't know, just to pick an example out of thin air... doing some exercise to get yourself in shape, for once.
Stockholm's Karolinska Institute has concluded a new study about pregnant mothers and tobacco use and the results may shock you (no irony!). In snus-addled Sweden, using snuff/snus/dip is widely seen as less harmful than smoking, so it's a great habit for pregnant women who smoke to pick up, right? Perhaps not! Reuters Health reports on the findings:
After having four children, thoughtful British lady Mandy Davies took stock of her brood, her age, and her family's finances, and underwent a sterilization procedure. So imagine how surprised she might have been to discover that she became pregnant anyway.
So maybe those tear-jerking pictures of Apple co-founder Steve Jobs looking withered and skeletal were not real after all? A skeptic over at Reddit posted this annotated image as "proof" that the pics of Jobs, who stepped down as CEO earlier this week, were manipulated to make him look worse off than he might appear in real life. [Update below]
Killer vaccines! Sex-crazed kids! Lower cholesterol! Sickening papayas! Laundry cancer! Healthier milk! Brain scans! Marathon beer! And fatty fat babies who need a little shove in the right direction! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—dishonestly!
The Great East Coast Rumbler of 2011 has, for the most part, produced a lot of bad news. Not terrible news, mind you — just mildly inconvenient, bummer-type news. Cracked monuments. Missed golf putts. Random stabbings. Belching orangutans. That kind of thing. But what's this? Not just a story of earthquake uplift — but a full-fledged miracle. The earthquake gave a deaf man his hearing back!
Phillip Seaton, the unlucky ducky whose bratwurst went bye-bye after his chopper doctor turned pecker wrecker, is finally having his day in court. Tell us, "Dr." John Patterson (pictured grinning with his high-priced attorney; do you find something funny, sir?), how did a simple circumcision become a member dismembering, leaving Phillip Seaton to wake up wangless without even a chance to bid tally-ho to his tallywhacker?
Preaching fit! Ninja warriors! Muscle cream! Bulletproof skin! Bite counters! Vanity benefits! Meditation strength! Novak Djokovic! And the stunning origin of the TRX workout trend! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—bitingly!
Lung cancer, a notoriously hard-to-diagnose and deadly disease, has a new enemy: dogs! German researchers have discovered that they can actually smell it on your breath.
From The Sun — the same people who brought us the hoax known as Botox Mom, so take this with a grain of salt (and 200 sticks of butter) — comes the story of Susanne Eman, an Arizona mother of two boys who is consuming 20,000 calories a day in an attempt to reach her goal of 1,600 pounds. (She weighs 728 now.) Why 1,600? Because it would make her the fattest human being in history, of course!
The FDA is to be commended for consistently raising the vomit-bar when it comes to cigarette warnings. Next month, they're rolling out nine graphic new labels — collect them all! — featuring the most impressive-looking cancer lungs and sliced-open cadavers we've seen to date. Take that, Saw movie campaign! But your favorite nic-pushers are done playing Mr. Nice Tobacco Conglomerate: They're fighting back! With lawyers!
Menopause things! Cancer secrets! Exercise longevity! Teen sleepers! Prostate genes! Virus superdrug! Healthy obesity! Addiction breakthrough! And Alzheimer's patients demand pancakes! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—in an ultimately futile manner!
Vampire bats! Healthcare law! Medical tattoo! Stroke depression! Backward legs! Spice fat! Organic poultry Deer coli! And rampant death in Somalia is sad, for a second! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while sucking!
