Blood tests! Omnipresent alligators! Abounding planets! European telescope! Disappearing Avandia! Sniffing mammals! Laser wheelchairs! Repulsive energy! And DIY levees! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—as if Schrodinger's cat would allow such a thing!
Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' surgery to replace part of her skull and stop fluid buildup in her brain, which sounds like an absolutely terrifying operation, went "very well" yesterday, according to her doctors. But who trusts doctors anyway? Fortunately her husband, astronaut Mark Kelly, was able to confirm the good news from outer space today, while bouncing around.
Beyond happiness! Dangerous hospitals! Depressed moms! Tinnitus findings! Morgellon's disease! Skin cancer! Binge drinking! Horse herpes! And coffee men for good prostate love! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—creepily!
In 2009, the Cerdas, a Las Vegas family whose two daughters suffered from immune deficiency disorders, appeared on the reality show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Their old, moldy house was torn down, and new one, designed to protect the young girls, was built in its place. But as it turns out, the Cerda girls may not have been sick at all.
Two mayors in Massachusetts are livid over brownies called Lazy Cakes, that contain 8mg of sleep aid melatonin, saying the cartoon on the package is a scheme to attract children. The mayors of Fall River and New Bedford now want them banned. One doctor called the Lazy Cakes marketing scheme "heinous," while one mayor called it "despicable." So much anger, man. But the company told the Boston Herald that Lazy Larry, the budget brownie version of Sponge Bob, isn't meant to attract kids at all:
A half-billion people on the planet, or 1 in 10, are obese, and despite Beyoncé's best efforts, that number is growing. Many of them will go on to develop obesity-linked illnesses, like heart disease and diabetes. But the dotted line between the two has never been fully understood — until now. Scientists in England have isolated the gene that acts as the body's "master switch."
At Coal Cares — a new initiative from Peabody Energy, the world's largest coal company — you can order cool inhalers for your asthmatic kids, so long as you live within 200 miles of a coal plant. I'm partial to The Bieber, but there's an inhaler here for every taste — even one studded in fake Swarovski crystals! If it all sounds too good (or too awful) to be true, that's because it is. The entire coalcares.org website is a fake, created by The Yes Men — those Swiftian agitators with a talent for mounting elaborate practical jokes. Peabody, however, is very real, and an army of their lobbyists are currently attempting to block what would be the EPA's "first-ever national standards for mercury, arsenic and other toxic air pollution from power plants" — legislation that could prevent 120,000 new cases of childhood asthma per year. As the Bieb might say, that's kinda lame. [coalcares.org, image via Coal Cares]
Best diet! Paul Pierce! Boxy gyms! Gatti movie! NFL workouts! Seniors exercising! Fitness chore! Discrimination tests! Michelle Obama! And the dangers of manhood! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—dashingly!
Bubonic plague! Gay cancer! Autistic children! Chocolate milk! Head injuries! Newborn risk! Fat war! Sex aneurysm! And the very latest semen information! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—to keep from crying!
Is teach pale, a beached whale? A new study out of the normally conscientious nation of Canada indicates that assistant professors in that peaceful nation's institutes of higher learning are woefully deficient in the "Fourth R": exercise.
Is your pediatrician trying to take away your gun? (Probably!) You should move to Florida, where a new law would prevent pediatricians from asking about guns in the home. Thanks, NRA, for telling doctors what they can, and can't, do.
Breast exams! Einstein proof! Whisky power! Hair stratagems! Osteoporosis fracture! Baby obesity! Old plants! Healthy barbecues! And the mysterious mind of mankind! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—or whatever you call it!
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was leaning his hand on a wet, parked car during his morning run today when... oh you can see what's coming. His hand slipped and "the leader tumbled to the ground," as The Hill poetically puts it. It left him with a contusion above the left eye and a dislocated shoulder, but guess what? He's been back and working most of the morning after receiving treatment. And you meanies are always saying he has no spine! Well, maybe that's why he didn't break his spine too. [Image via Getty]
For years, so-called "health experts" on the teevee have been saying "blah, blah, blah." That's really all we hear. We block that stuff out. But when we go back and watch the TiVo, they were saying "Stop eating so much salt, salt will kill you and give you a heart attack, just cut it with the salt, what are you a deer at a salt lick?"
Diet food! Omega-3 death! Hormone gel! Sex health! Big belly! Fat dementia! Deadly tomatoes! Mental soldiers! And outta control asthma! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—no examinations necessary!
At times it seems that for those afflicted with obesity, each passing day is like a terrible pounding tidal wave, dumping bad news and sucking out all joy into the blackness of the retreating tides. The affliction itself traps its victims in a cruel duality; the comforting consumption that would momentarily sate their persistent woes is the very thing that keeps them from fully enjoying the other thing that would sate their persistent woes: hot sexxx.
Eye disease! Springtime anorexia! Food pathogens! Coca-Cola chemicals! Chinese smoking! Tall blood clots! Botox lawsuits! Teen drinking! And legal stem cell research, yeah! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while smoking!
