Earlier this week, nearly 6,000 dead pigs were found floating in the Huangpu River, roughly 40 miles north of Shanghai. As terrible and disconcerting as the discovery must have been for Shanghai's 23 million residents, who receive their tap water from the river, the news got worse when authorities realized the pigs were infected with porcine circovirus, which, according to health officials, isn't transferrable to humans but still, not a great thought. In fact, according to ABC News, some residents showed "black humor" by referring to their drinking water as "pork broth." But not to worry! The Chinese government is now saying that, after testing the city's tap water, it's perfectly safe to drink, shower in, cook with, etc.

Which country on earth parties harder than any other country? YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE ABOVE HEADLINE.

Clogged arteries, or in scientist talk, "atherosclerosis," has long been associated with our modern, gluttonous ways, including our propensity for smoking and obesity. Americans, naturally, considered such diagnoses a matter of national pride, an example of their freedom to choose. But according to a recent study, this particular form of heart disease was relatively common thousands of years ago, with roughly one third of the ancient mummies examined showing signs of the disease.

Drug-resistant superbugs are "a ticking time-bomb not only for the UK but also for the world," England's top medical official warns in her first annual report, released today. Chief Medical Officer Dame Sally Davies writes that increasing bacterial resistance to antibiotics could turn routine operations into life-threatening procedures if infections become difficult to treat, and in the absence of tougher restrictions on the use of antibiotics—not just in prescriptions for humans but in the agriculture and meat industries—and concerted efforts to discover new drugs—there have been no new antibiotic classes since 1987—we could be heading toward "a health system not dissimilar from the early 19th century." Of particular concern are so-called "Gram-negative" bacteria like E Coli, which are now being seen in the UK more often than previously-hyped drug-resistant superbugs like MRSA, and are more common in the old, young, and immune-compromised. "This is your own gut bugs turning on you," Professor Mike Sharland tells The Guardian. "Between 10% and 20% are resistant to drugs." Davies suggests that the UK divert more resources toward developing antibiotics, and sound a global alarm on the issue: "This threat is arguably as important as climate change," she writes. Meanwhile, in the U.S., pet frogs are giving kids salmonella. [Guardian | Independent | Reuters | GIF via]

Say whatever nasty things you'd like about chicken-fried bro-chef Guy Fieri and his loathed Times Square feed trough, at least it hasn't made dozens and dozens of people violently ill like the best restaurant in the world.

Good morning. The U.S. is now warning health officials to be on the alert for a scary new virus—a deadly cousin of SARS that's already killed eight and infected 14.

During his performance Thursday night at London's 02 arena, Justin Bieber reportedly collapsed on stage because of some sort of breathing problems. The recent birthday boy went backstage, where he received oxygen for 20 minutes before bravely returning to finish the concert. Here's a video of his manager Scotter Braun telling the clearly concerned audience about Bieber's health:

People who consume lots of processed meat run a greater risk of a premature death and are more likely to develop cancer and heart disease, according to a new study. But don't worry! Scientists still say you can eat meat—just no more than one tiny sausage a day.

Women. They're dying younger. What is up with that, ladies?

WHAT NOW? Apparently there is cat litter in cigarettes—or rather the clay found in cat litter is used in cigarettes as filler. This allows tobacco companies to "weigh down" their cigarettes so that they will fall into the "large cigar" category-helping the companies avoid a federal excise tax increase of 2,653%. The rule goes as follows:

First, let us present the plain facts: there is a new study out, based on statistics gleaned from "time use diaries" filled out by women chronicling their own activity. Researchers found that American women today are spending only about half as much time doing housework—vacuuming, laundry, etc.—as they were 45 years ago. During the same period of time, the amount of time that women spent sitting down and watching a screen doubled. The conclusion, based in simple biological fact, as stated in the NYT in a story headlined "What Housework Has to Do With Waistlines:"

Harvard doctors are spoiling everyone's fun and challenging a recent study linking being overweight to lower mortality.

C. Everett Koop, who died today in New Hampshire, did a lot throughout the course of his 96 years, including play football at Dartmouth, help put into motion the war against second-hand smoke, and launch an ultimately failed medical website, DrKoop.com, in the primeval internet age of 1997. But Koop, who also moonlighted as a spokesperson for the Life Alert company, will perhaps be most remembered for introducing millions of Americans to—and destroying stereotypes about—AIDS, the deadly disease that started to rear its head in America the year before he took office in 1982.

The largest California outbreak of tuberculosis in a decade is happening in Los Angeles right now, and the Centers for Disease Control has finally dispatched a team of scientists to help LA-area authorities try to control it. The locus of the outbreak, which involves a strain of TB unique to LA, is the city's notorious Skid Row, the small constellation of streets in downtown where Southern California's most downtrodden citizens—homeless people, prostitutes, heroin addicts, combinations of all three—congregate in such close quarters that a disease outbreak was probably inevitable. Since 2007, 11 people have died of TB in LA County, according to the LA Times. In the latest outbreak, 60 of the 78 cases reported to authorities were homeless people living on or near Skid Row.

The results of a huge, seven-year study in rural South Africa are in, and god damn: by giving antiretroviral drugs daily to 100,000 people in Kwazulu-Natal, researchers were able to raise the entire region's life expectancy by more than a decade. From the LA Times:

Kids these days are eating fewer calories, probably thanks to dinosaurs.

One good way to fix America's vastly bloated and expensive health care system would be to make our health care system public like lots of other civilized nations with higher stands of living than us. [PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER]. Haha. But seriously—until then, here are some medical procedures you don't need.

Hello, it is time for "Hey, Science," our nauseatingly scientific weekly feature in which we have your most provocative scientific questions answered by real live scientists (or related experts). No question is too smart for us to tackle, which will be our downfall. This week, medical experts answer the question: Can you eat your own poop?

Want to live longer? Pathetic. Your slavish determination to cling to mortality at all costs marks you as a weak and sickening little character. Anyhow—have we got a long life secret for YOU! Stank breath.

If you're spending Valentine's Day alone, here's something comforting: At least you won't catch a case of super gonorrhea. According to a CDC report, cephalsporins – the antibiotics used to treat gonorrhea — are becoming less and less effective. Cephalosporin-resistant gonorrhea is apparently already an issue in Spain, Japan, and France, and, if the current trend continues, could soon become a problem in the U.S.