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If nobody knows all your secrets quite like your doorman does, nobody knows a magazine quite like the dude who's helping coordinate its move into a new office tower. A guy involved with getting the Hearst titles out of their old offices en route to the Foster building (but: "I'm not a mover," he assured us) has learned a lot from his experience — that Bazaar girls are gorgeous and self-important, that CosmoGIRL! chicks drink communal beer, and that there's no way Hearst's new digs will be as cushy as Rodale's. We're skeptical on that last point, but, still Not-a-Mover's full report on the Hearst trek awaits after the jump.

• Hearst is the a great media company with a great headquarters and great executives who do great things. Yay! [NYT]
• Actually, no, Fox Business Channel isn't going to launch anytime soon. Never mind. [B&C]
• Where's the love for E&P? [MW]
• Time Inc. has extended its deal to sell All You exclusively in Wal-mart, which means you will continue to never read it. [Mediaweek]
• Straight guys dig the Coop, too. [LAT]
• Glut of WP buyouts leads to potential glut of cake. (And to the departure of — who knew she was even a newspaper editor? — Jo Polniaczek.) [NYT]

• CBS cameraman and soundman killed in Iraq, reporter injured, making Iraq the deadliest modern war for journalists, worse the World War II. [NYT]
• Hearst is still tweaking Shop Etc. [Mediaweek]
• And could use to be tweaking Quick & Simple, which ain't selling well. [WWD]
• Charlie Rose is not dead. [NYM]
• The Times of London to introduce U.S. edition with a run of 10,000 printed on New York Post presses. Even more Murdoch news, yay! [NYT]

Another week, another magland up-and-out maybe promotion. Last week it Time M.E. Jim Kelly who was either upped or maybe eased to the brand-new position of company-wide managing editor, where he'll troubleshoot and help recruit but not have direct oversight of any Time Inc. titles. This week it's Good Housekeeping's longtime EIC Ellen Levine, who is being upped or just maybe eased to the brand-new position of Hearst Magazine editorial director, where she'll help develop brand extensions and new titles but not, as we read the memo, have direct oversight of any Hearst titles. While you debate among yourselves whether or not they're promotions, the full Hearst memo — touting, among other things, Levine's "unparalleled record of putting the reader first" — is after the jump.

• Why did Budget Living fold? The word "budget" in its name. On, and also too many subscribers, apparently. [Folio:]
• Victor Navasky's secret to indie-mag success: Get Paul Newman to give you money. [FBNY]
• Jon Friedman likes Fortune. That's nice. [MW]
• Hungry in the new Hearst Building? The cafeteria officially opens Monday, but there was a "trial run" today. When does Bruni arrive? [Jossip]
• Us Weekly covers the Rolling Stone 1,000th-issue party, shockingly. [WWD (second item)]

Let's ignore the irony of Jim Brady's Forbes.com column focusing mostly on an old, aged media exec who increasingly doddered on, oblivious to his surroundings (you'd have no idea what that's like, right, Jim?) and instead focus on just one line, down near the end. Jim is recalling a fancy lunch on Central Park South years ago with William Randolph Hearst Jr., and he's describing the man who orchestrated the meeting:

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• Starting next week, Hearst begins its move into their new W. 57th Street digs. While we expected an impeccably organized move, we certainly didn't expect moving phases to be divided into color-coded teams, complete with "team captains." After the move, will there be a giant game of capture the flag? [Jossip]
• David Carr, clearly having never worked at a doughnut shop, is wrong about employees consuming the very goods they sell. [The Daily Transom]
• Vanessa Grigoriadis is hiring a new mule. [Columbia]
• We've always maintained that the fervently athletic are intellectually feeble; triatheletes competing for a new bike by touching a bike frame for 70 hours straight seems to support that notion. [Big and Sharp]
• The Marcel Hotel at 24th Street and 3rd Avenue flooded yesterday, forcing 130 travelers to be relocated elsewhere. In case you were wondering, they're still all booked for tonight and tomorrow. [WCBS]
• The Department of Justice presents Your Vagina: A Gateway to Information. [Video Dog]

• Hearst mags get move-in dates for new tower, where the cafeteria will serve sushi five days a week. [NYP]
• Four Time Inc. mags will move their TOCs to the first page, sponsored by Philips Electronics. Finally, the cure magazines have been searching for. [WSJ]
• Housekeeping no longer so good for EIC Ellen Levine? [WWD]
• High-end book pubisher Rizzoli looks to enter U.S. magazine market with a title that's "Time Out meets Star magazine with N mero kind of fashion," whatever the hell that might mean. [FWD]
• Critics should stop worrying so much about the Times and focus more on the sins of local TV news, says Brian Montopoli. Coming soon from Public Eye: Is your weatherman really jolly?! [Public Eye/CBS]
• More Times blogs: Now covering state politics. (Oh, shit. Were we not supposed to be talking about the-paper-that-cannot-be-named anymore? Sorry.) [The Politicker/NYO]
• Elizabeth Spiers popularized the word "snarky" when she worked for Gawker. It's a testament to our precocity, then, to have been miraculously using it even before blogs existed. [Downtown Express]

WWD's Jeff Bercovici is reporting that Hearst Magazines is installing Joanna Coles as editor of Marie Claire. She replaces Lesley Jane Seymour, who has edited the magazine since 2001 and will now leave the company. Coles was previously executive editor of More, Meredith's magazine for baby-boomer women.

• Yesterday's American Media bloodletting will cut the mag publisher's workforce by 9 percent. [WWD]
• And will save the company about $10 million. [NYP]
• With Katie Couric heading to CBS, NBC is days away from a deal to bring Meredith Vieira to fill her clickety stiletto heels. [NYT]
• Gabe Sherman agrees: Times Discovery Channel might be on its way out. Plus Hearst in the new tower, Lapham at Michael's, and Raines at Harvard. [NYO]
• The New York Times has finally done something to make Jack Shafer happy. So now he'll cancel his subscription. [Slate]
• The Week names Nick Kristof Columnist of the Year. We imagine Andrea Peyser is devastated. [E&P]

• "Katie Couric's deal to move to CBS News is completed in principle, and an announcement that she is leaving NBC might come as early as this week." Which would be a relief, so we could finally stop hearing speculation about it. [TV Week]
• Budget Living's failure shows that indie mags just don't work anymore. But shhhhh... Ron Burkle might hear. [NYT]
• Jim Cramer says the Times should ditch paper and move entirely online. He's crazy, of course, but in that case also probably right. [NYM]
• The NYT's new web redesign — and the Journal's of a few weeks ago — are about creating more ad inventory and adding news aggregators. [Ad Age]
• Is Hearst looking to replace Glenda Bailey at Bazaar when her contract is up later this year? Well, no, says the company, and her numbers look good, too. [WWD]
• ESPN to start broadcasting dominoes games (matches?). Remarkably, this does not seem to be an April Fools joke. [NYT]
• NYO TV columnist Rebecca Dana has a signed picture of Richard Dawson on her mantelpiece. We're a little jealous, to be honest. [Jossip]

It's funny: Just the other day we were walking west on 57th Street for the first time in a while, and we were looking at the seemingly near-completion new Hearst tower, and thinking we kind of dug it, and we wondered what it looks like inside. And then last night, like the toothy fairy flitting in with a buck or two, our friend The Guttersniper emailed with news that he had photos from inside the very same new Hearst tower. Kismet!

Multiple sources within 4 Times Square report that Kim France, the editor-in-chief of Lucky, the Conde Nast shopping magazine, just triumphantly announced that Hearst is closing Shop Etc., the rival mag company's rival shopping magazine. "She's ecstatic," says one tipster.

Just when you thought the political climate couldn't get any worse:

Hearst Magazines chief Cathie Black in May 2004, at left, and at Wednesday night's MPA gala, at right.

Three reports from last night's Media Christmas celebrations.

• Simon Dumenco doesn't buy the revisionist history that Jann Wenner pushed out Kent Brownridge, but he knows the often-incompetent mag business will miss the man Dumenco dubbed Dr. Evil. [AdAge]
• New Plamegate wrinkle: Now the prosecutor wants to talk to Time's Viveca Novak, who's so far cooperating with the investigation. It's nice to officially know that at least one Novak is, even if the wrong one. [NYT]
• Bad news for our favorite gray-haired boytoy: Anderson Cooper's rating are down 19 percent relative to Aaron Brown's last week as anchor. [Mediaweek]
• It's hard being Bob Woodward these days. [WP]
• For its 1,000th issue, Rolling Stone to go 3-D on its cover. Because flashy sales gimmicks are always a sign of a strong, vibrant product. [NYT]
• Another reason you can never leave the city: Newly hired report at Manchester, N.H., newspaper is fired for having "a New York attitude." [Boston Phoenix]
• Hearst's new Quick & Simple simply ain't selling very quickly, suggesting the women's-mag market is cooling — or even cooled off. Also: Maxim learns to appreciate older women. [WWD (second and third items)]
• Four years later, the de-anthraxing of American Media's former HQ in Florida is nearly complete. They're still working on how to de-Bonnie. [Jossip]
• Kazakhstan takes four-page ad in New York Times to refute allegations made by Ali G's Borat. Next week, USPS will take four-page ad to refute allegations made by Seinfeld's Newman. [E&P]
• Good editors protect their staffers. Except, you know, when they don't. [MB]
• Forthcoming New York mag article on Hasidic sect ruffles feathers even before its published. [Canonist]

• Emap considers sale of FHM to Hearst. More interesting — unless Keith Kelly is kidding, which is doesn't seem like he is — there will be a secret ceremony Nov. 28 at which outgoing Time Inc. EIC Norm Pearlstine will pass a Vatican-like miter to successor John Huey. Time Warner brass and Time Inc. top editors will be in attendance, alongside, we assume, a goodly contingent of Freemasons. [NYP]
• Bob Woodward's no ordinary reporter, says Jon Friedman [MW]
• But he's also no Judy, says Jack Shafer. [Slate]
• Wall Street agrees that newspapers are dying. Which could very well become self-fulfilling. [IHT]
• Amusingly baronial former newspaper publisher Conrad Black indicted on eight counts of fraud. [CS-T]
• Ziff Davis shutters Sync. [Jossip]
• Heretofore-believed-to-be-mild-mannered Jim Romenesko is, in fact, the scourge of college journalists everywhere. [Slate]