If the numbers truly don't lie, then neither Brad Pitt nor Angelina Jolie will collect Academy Awards on Sunday. But who needs Oscars when America's auction-scavenging elite are on your side?

The fanboy crusade to earn The Dark Knight a Best Picture Oscar nomination may have failed, but one fan hasn't lost faith in the potential of Batman people-power.

Just because Heath Ledger was a favorite to claim this year's Best Supporting Actor Oscar since before The Dark Knight even opened, that doesn't mean he can't use a gentle, posthumous awards-season studio nudge.

• Martha Stewart is so distraught over the death of her chow chow and her break-up with Charles Simonyi that she's been adopting cats left and right (and throwing them parties, too). Or at least that's what the National Enquirer says. [NE]
• Brooke Shields says the Lipstick Jungle stage manager who stole props from the set swiped cash from her wallet, too. [NYDN]
• Amy Winehouse's house in London was robbed yesterday. [People, The Sun]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Russell Simmons have finalized their divorce. Good thing, too, since she's pregnant with Djimon Hounsou's baby. [Us]
• Kanye West employs a resident "shoekeeper" to keep track of his 450 pairs of shoes, which is what you'd do, too, if you were Kanye West. [The Sun]

• There were bound to be a few dramatic moments at the inaugural parties last night: Sheryl Crow had an awkward run in with her ex, Kid Rock, in the lobby of Donovan House. John Legend was forced to make a last-minute stop at Bloomingdale's because his girlfriend didn't have a gown. Susan Sarandon got a reporter kicked out an event for daring to ask a question. And Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony showed up so late to the Neighborhood Ball, they almost didn't get in. [P6, WP, Politico]
• One possible explanation for Lopez's late arrival: She was spotted at the Scientology Center in LA yesterday morning, trying to sneak out of the building without being noticed. [NYDN]
• Another headache for John Travolta and Kelly Preston: A politician in the Bahamas may have been part of a plot to extort money from the couple following the death of Jett Travolta. [OK!]

It's true! The Yankees player Alex Rodriguez, who like teammate Derek Jeter sucks very much, was seen canoodling with actress Kate Hudson at an underground Manhattan fish restaurant.

All the major movie awards nominations, with the exception of those for the Oscars, have been announced. So we can make a pretty good guess about what will get nods come January 22nd.

After working with Ledger in Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus just before his death, Troyer was moved to replicate part of the actor's signature—a heart—as a tattoo on his hand. Troyer recounted his memories in a sober, touching story that belied its setting: an episode of the UK's Celebrity Big Brother. Luckily, Troyer managed to keep the moment respectful; the only flicker of inappropriate reality show camp came just before he began, as the narrator noted, "4:48 pm. Coolio is in the kitchen." [ONTD]

Has the comedy world learned nothing from the time it angered Brooke Shields with jokes about a freshly-dead Estelle Getty? Apparently not, since it now falls to Twilight star Robert Pattinson to cry, "Too soon!"

Your annual Oscar anticlimax is officially underway, with Heath Ledger, Penélope Cruz and Slumdog Millionaire — among other familiar names — once again dominating the weekend's awards news.

Finding someone willing to rent the spooky loft where Heath Ledger overdosed hasn't been an easy job. Ten months after brokers first began quietly shopping Ledger's former apartment at 419-421 Broome Street—and five months after the official, $26,000-a-month listing was posted—brokers at the Corcoran Group have pulled it off the market. Photos of the three-bedroom loft are here. [Page Six, previously]

• Alex Rodriguez said he isn't shagging Madonna. Sure. He's just hanging in Miami, Mexico City and Brazil with her, platonically, and maybe buying an apartment with her, platonically, and meeting secretly with her in restaurants, as friends. He also denied riding on a private jet with Madonna, so I guess this is supposed to be someone else who was photographed with her?

When you're halfway into your forty-sixth season, as NBC's long-running crime drama Law & Order is, there are only so many storylines left to do that haven't been done before. Thus, it's no surprise that the show's "ripped from the headlines" method of generating plot points would eventually lead it to the death of Heath Ledger (you'll get your turn soon, Mario!), though it's impressive just how deeply they botched their opportunity. Says Page Six:

• Alex's Rodriguez's people did their best to spread word he wasn't going to ditch his kids and ex-wife at Thanksgiving to see Madonna in New York, as had been previously rumored. After everyone duly printed the Yankees slugger would be in Miami with his family instead, it emerged Madonna would accompany Rodriguez to Miami, via private jet. Should make for interesting dinner conversation!

Why So Audacious? Perhaps we spoke too soon about the tenuous connection between The Dark Knight and The President-Elect, as we've just stumbled upon this Obama-evoking Joker design from artist James Lillis. It's no DJ AM, but it'll do. Click through for full-size. [/film]

Mary-Kate Olsen successfully avoided interrogations from both the New York police and Drug Enforcement Administration over the death of her friend Heath Ledger. Authorities were said to be curious over why the wee celebrity dispatched her bodyguards to the movie star's apartment after she learned he was lifeless instead of calling 911. Were they hiding drugs? Now Ledger's insurance company, owned by Dutch conglomerate ING, is calling Ledger's death "suspicious" and seeking to take its own crack at the starlet, the Post reported. At stake is $10 million for Ledger's daughter Matilda. Will Olsen finally cave?

♦ Britney Spears' former boyfriend, paparazzo Adnan Ghalib, says he has a sex video featuring him and Britney which he's willing to part with for the right price. And you thought you were done buying sex tapes after the Verne Troyer masterpiece this summer. [NYDN, E!]
♦ Heath Ledger's life insurance company is calling his death "suspicious" and says it won't pay out his $10 mil. policy until it interviews everyone involved, including Mary-Kate Olsen. [NYP]
♦ Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie just had twins. But it's Tuesday, which means they're already thinking of adopting another kid. [Daily Mail]
♦ DJ AM and Travis Barker are both out of the hospital. [NYDN, People, P6]
♦ Janet Jackson checked into the hospital in Canada yesterday. [People]

• Heath Ledger's Dad confirmed that his full $16 million estate will go to his two-year-old daughter Matilda. [OK!]

♦ Scarlett Johansson is a married woman: She tied the knot with actor Ryan Reynolds in a small ceremony outside of Vancouver on Saturday. [Us]
♦ Heather Locklear was arrested for driving under the influence of prescription drugs in Montecito, CA, on Saturday. [NYP]
♦ Heath Ledger's daughter Matilda will inherit his entire estate, which is estimated to be worth $20 million. [NYP]

While The Dark Knight's box-office trajectory has leveled out a smidge since becoming the fastest film to $500 million, the marketplace for morbidly exploitive Heath Ledger nostalgia has caught a new wave of holiday momentum. So say the proprietors of something called "Mr. Costumes," which proudly notes today that varieties of its Joker outfits account for nearly half of its adult costume sales for this Halloween. "The popularity of the movie and the cultural effect of Ledger's death have propelled seasonal demand for the villain costume," states a press release recently crapped into our inbox, "while effectively boosting the sales revenues and overall popularity of MrCostumes.com, an emerging player in the Halloween Costumes market." Classy, right? At $160 per (and on backorder through next week), they'd better be. But what if the kids want to be a disfigured, lip-smacking serial killer as well? Lucky them — that's covered, too.Even your little guy or gal can get in on the trick-or-treat sociopathy, as pictured here. And failing that, there's always the tormented anti-hero get-up (with or without muscled chest) for maximum doorstep brooding — viciously murdered ex-girlfriend sold separately, natch.