• Gordon Ramsay says he's partnering with Victoria Beckham to open a restaurant in LA. Yes, a restaurant. Whether she'll actually taste any of the food served there is anybody's guess. [P6]

• Katie Holmes got a visit from concerned ex-boyfriend and former Dawson's Creek co-star Joshua Jackson at rehearsals for her Broadway play, a British magazine reported. Jackson had this crazy idea that Holmes has been sucked into an isolating Scientology vortex, but Holmes was still thrilled to see and de-Thetanize him. [Showbiz Spy]

• Tom Wallace, the editorial director of Condé Nast, has paid $2.975 million for a two-bedroom apartment at 610 West 110th Street, the 15-story pre-war that was recently extensively renovated. [Cityfile]

Just when it seemed you couldn't possibly dig up another person to despise Paul McCartney's ex, Heather Mills, the lady's own publicist has just quit in a hilarious-and wordy-fit. Mills' former flack, Michele Elyzabeth, says the trouble started when Mills accused her of working on a tell-all book. "She was screaming and yelling, 'Is it true that you're writing a book about me?' I told her that it wasn't true, and she went bonkers... She was screaming so loud, she told whoever she was with to leave the room. She was yelling, 'I am tired of you, you're so stupid! You're so unprofessional.'"

• Marc Jacobs is maybe getting married! To the upmarket man, Lorenzo Matrone, in Paris. Will former rentboy and perpetual Jacobs ex Jason Preston attend Y/N??! [Gay Socialites]

• Diddy and Cassie are secretly engaged? That's what the highly credible Star says. The rap mogul apparently told friends during son Justin's graduation from Horace Mann last month. [Star]

• Russian-born songstress Regina Spektor is moving to Murray Hill: She paid $1.125 million for a 19th-floor condo at 155 East 34th Street. The 1,140-square-foot condo features two bedrooms, two baths, and views of the Chrysler and Met Life buildings.

• Victoria Gotti didn't realize she was getting a $70,000 memoir advance to dish dirt on her mobster dad John. Or maybe she did, but she never thought HarperCollins would have the stones to demand it back. [Post]

• Jennifer Aniston and boyfriend John Mayer got into a hotel pool in Miami, and there were pictures, and everyone found this very exciting for some reason. The Sun went above and beyond, as usual, with shots of the two parts of the actress' body any experienced reader of the British tabloid would expect it to focus on. (Photo from X17)

Once upon a time Heather Mills had the audacity to marry Paul McCartney and a funny island nation got really, really upset about it. So upset that they're still coming up with stuff like this: "Heather Mills has been accused of breaking a promise to a disabled mother whose artificial legs she promised to pay for. The 40-year-old ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney - who herself has an artificial after she was hit by a car in 1993 - met Maria Rybkina, who was left tragically disabled in a train accident, in her Moscow flat four years ago. Heather promised 28-year-old Maria a personal donation of $20,000 to provide her with new artificial legs, but it has now been claimed that the former glamor model never handed over the cash, despite repeated promises to do so."

• Paris Hilton was banned from at least one Hyatt, in Moscow, for scribbling her name on the wall in black marker. But it was for a very important picture of Paris looking hot (at left, via the Sun), so it was totally worth the $9,000 fine. [Sun]

• Us reported that Ashlee Simpson was pregnant, as did OK!. An October due date was even floated for the musician's baby. But husband Pete Wentz sent an email to MTV News denying everything and positing a massive conspiracy: "There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood."

Maybe she was a porn star. Maybe she was a prostitute. Maybe she was even a good homemaker (though not likely). Yet the one occupation Heather Mills is known for that continues to confound us is modeling. In 1986, after failing at a number of jobs (and being arrested for stealing from one), Mills started her own modeling agency. Her number one client? You guessed it — herself. These recently surfaced pictures were shot in 1999 and are not as raunchy as the ones we've seen in the past. In fact - while not particularly attractive - they're almost classy. The only thing that's missing is the airbrushing that we as a society have come to expect. Oh, and her leg.

• While in a British courtroom, during her divorce from Paul McCartney, Heather Mills poured a pitcher of water on one of the ex-Beatle's lawyers. The Times has a scandalous courtroom sketch of the whole thing because they shamelessly support sketch-artist-paparazzi. [Times]

• OMG Paris Hilton is finally saving African kids with her beautiful love, just like she promised! Oh wait, the kids go to a private school and are wealthy. Paris' way too fashionable clothes don't even look dirty. Nice try, liar. [Faded Youth]

• Singer Paul McCartney's ex Heather Mills was awarded $49 million after four years of marriage. The blog Knife Tricks estimates that's $43,000 per screw — way, way more than so-called-high-priced whore Ashley Dupre ever charged. Apparently Mills wanted even more.

Hillary Clinton first met Heather Mills, the now-former Mrs. Paul McCartney, on September 10, 2001. The day before the world changed! Except some things never change, like how much Hillary Clinton loves Heather Mills, a woman who changed the world by marrying a Beatle, and only having one leg, and posing for dirty pictures in the '80s. Also she fights land mines. Hillary Clinton apparently had four minutes to kill? We've yet to hear a suitable explanation for this video. But it's after the jump!

Today's Cindy Adams column is about some trashy Heather Mills tell-all book. Probably. It's sort of hard to tell. Translator? "The narrative then osmoses into her realizing the key to power and, thus, selling that horrifying story of losing her leg for the highest newspaper bid. It included this woman Doing It in her hospital bed. It was about losing a leg but the sex being as incredible as ever. Resolved to use this newfound power, she said, 'And I'll flirt with anyone.'" [Cindy]

• Why are Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong parading their PDAs around the town's hotspots? Although! Page Six says they were dining at Waverly Inn together on Tuesday—but the photographic evidence says that Ashley was actually dining with Sting, Slash and Stephen Fry. No Lance shows up in the paparazzi photos. [Page Six, Image: Splash Photos]
  

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and Jada Pinkett-Smith and Will Smith (nice four-some!) are throwing the "Welcome to America" party for Posh and Becks this weekend. "Invitations went out all over Hollywood . . . they were printed on red velvet with tacky gold lettering." [Page Six]