We thought we knew just how low The Hills' reigning king and queen of mean Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag would go just to garner the slightest bit of attention from the press. Given their history of stunt proposals, staged “paparazzi” shoots, and plastic surgery adventures, the evil duo has proven their weight in gold-digging PR wizardry. But their latest alleged stunt planned for the “reality show”’s upcoming season is creepy enough to inspire the next Law & Order: SVU plotline: "Rumor has it that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have decided to fake a pregnancy for the 4th season." Sadder still? It sounds like they’ve convinced MTV producers — and the wardrobe department — to play along with the lie as old as time...

Last night, we tearfully watched as the third season of that Adderall-fueled pity party known as The Hills came to a wisdom-filled conclusion. So what did we learn last night? Aside from newly cropped and suddenly hot Justin Bobby teaching Audrina (and us) that living alone means you can “come home and cook something,” and shockingly, “have people over,” Methanie Pratt managed to summarize the entire season’s course on Lives Of The Blonde And Vapid by telling villainous Spencer that one should always “think really hard before you do anything.” Below we bring you three tidbits to carry with you forever, involving drinking on the job, dieting leessons, and when the appropriate time to “shush” someone is:

OMG! The final episode-for now!-of MTV's semi-reality trainwreck The Hills is almost here and who can wait? I have no idea what's going on, but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sure do look shouty and angry! Watch it here. [via OhNoTheyDidn't]

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, two of the more invested stars of MTV reality smash The Hills, know that you know that they know that you know that they're fake. Phew. They don't bother with the pretense of being discreet in the way the pose for paparazzi photographs, cause fake "drama," and desperately ingratiate themselves to monsters like TMZ warlock Harvey Levin. "We're entertainers," Heidi tells the LA Times in a new story on the couple. Hm. Fair enough. I can actually, uh, sort of respect that. At least they're honest! And it works. According to Spencer, they get $50,000 each for a two hour club appearance. I don't know what's more disheartening, that they make more in two hours than I do in a year, or that a club can afford to pay such a ridiculous lump of sweaty cash, because business will in fact boom after a "Speidi" visit. I just can't believe that people actually want to drink with these fools. But aparently they do, and that's all Heidi and Spencer's doing. Which is kind of brilliant. It's one of the reasons why they're besties with Us Weekly editor Janice Min, I'm sure.

Even though zombified Whitney and scandal-plagued Audrina didn't have much to teach us on last night's wisdom-packed episode of The Hills, Spencer, Heidi and Lauren blew our minds with life lessons we'll carry with us forever. And despite not saying anything that even remotely resemebled wisdom, it must be said that Justin Bobby, with his new haircut, has officially reignited our Bad Boy Crush phase. Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer worked her magic to present the episode's most eye-opening moments, which we've broken down into three essential bits of knowledge:


1. How To Advance Your Career By Seducing The Boss! Without an annoying dandruff-headed fiance to keep her busy, Heidi is focused on her job as some kind of powerful publicity manager who rose through the assistant ranks by age 21 using one simple method: subtly let your male boss know you want to "get your hands in there" and "make yourself available" to them moments after uncrossing your legs.

[Reality TV stars Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag (under the hat!) at LAX yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

This one was too good to relegate to the map. Plus it's pretty long so it might show up funky. Behold: at a Tribeca Film Fest after party, we've got Rachel Dratch longing to be back on TV, Nikki "Hairspray" Blonski, Spencer Breslin, Heidi Montag and Spencer Twat trying to control who looks at them, and Ally Sheedy looking ancient. Sighting after the jump, old school Gawker Stalker style.

[Los Angeles resident Heidi Montag leaving the David Letterman studio yesterday; image via Splash]

Hey, where's Kristin Cavallari? And Jason Wahler? And that one chick with the huge cans? Oh, hi there! In case you hadn't noticed, Molly is out sick today, which leaves your Uncle Grambo the pleasure of being your host for this week's installment of "The Hills: Words Of Wisdom." Truth be told, I have never seen an episode of the show, which leaves me relatively unprepared to contextualize the goings-on of this band of famepires. While I harbor no doubts that a fair number of Defamer readers actually enjoy The Hills (regardless of whether you like it as a show or as a cultural phenomenon), I'm guessing (hoping?) that most of you are not watching this to catch up on the plot summary. Rather, you're watching it for the same reason that I do, which is because it enables us to wallow around in the schadenfreude like a pig rolls around in mud on a hot summer's day. So, with that, please enjoy this week's episode (crafted lovingly, as always, by Molly McAleer). [MTV]

[Blogger Perez Hilton with Heidi Montag, star of The Hills, at the White House Correspondents Dinner last night; image via Splash]

Last week The Hills star Heidi Montag turned down an invitation to sit at MSNBC.com's table at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, reportedly because boyfriend/manager Spencer Pratt said the event, which includes top journalists and is attended by the president, wasn't "A-Listy enough." MSNBC awkwardly denied, then admitted that it had invited Montag. Well, it turns out Montag and Pratt condescended to come to the dinner (the picture at left was taken there), invited by the shameless celebrity panderers at Fortune magazine, according to Page Six:

Janice Min will come to regret this: Her Us Weekly has named Lauren Conrad "Celebrity Designer Of The Year" as part of a special section called "Us Hot Hollywood Style Winners." (Click the picture at left for a full-sized image, courtesy Bryanboy.) Wow. Well, that's, uh, bold. Because the critics have not been kind to the Hills star's work. New York called her Lauren Conrad Collection "tragique." When Bryanboy saw the Us spread, Marc Jacobs' favorite gay Filipino fashion blogger barfed. Well, haters, Us wrote that Conrad has "won... a wide array of fans," so there. Their source? Oh, that would be Conrad herself, repeating something someone else told her:

Remember how Heidi Montag, the Gumby-esque star of The Hills, decided not to go to the White House Correspondents Dinner as MSNBC's guest? (Because it wasn't "A-listy enough.") And remember how MSNBC claimed that no such invitation had been extended? Well, Radar seems to have caught the news network in a bit of an egregious (albeit completely understandable) lie there.

Heidi Montag cancels on White House Correspondents dinner, featuring fellow Republican George W. Bush: "MSNBC had invited Montag to be a guest at its table at the Washington Hilton. 'Then Spencer got involved as her manager,' a source told Page Six. 'He demanded first-class tickets for both him and Heidi - even though he wasn't invited.' When the network balked, Pratt canceled Montag's appearance, claiming, according to our source, 'It wasn't "A-listy" enough.'" [Post]

Underneath that swarthy, dirty-haired facade that Hills heartthrob/bastard Justin Bobby exudes lies an astonishing ability to inspire the rest of the cast with his wildly profound life lessons. His highly anticipated return to the habitually bland "reality" show jump-started whatever brain cells our blonde professors possess after popping all those producer-supplied Adderalls. In one particularly Carrie Bradshaw-esque line, our antihero explains, "It's not nice when you fall away from people, but when you kind of regroup again, it's..." Sure, we don't learn what "it" is, but still. Sheer poetry. As you'll see in our clip masterfully crafted by Intrepid Defamer Videographer&trade Molly McAleer, there were lessons aplenty last night. One prime example from dearest dead-eyed Audrina? A Webster-worthy definition of the term "date like a date date." [MTV]

The Hills' Heidi Montag has a little video interview with Us where she talks about a potential spin-off series, all of her "ups and downs," and how "obsessed" her father is with her boyfriend/manager/wicked Rumpelstiltskin Spencer Pratt.

The Fug Girls from New York's The Cut blog went and tried on some Heidiwood clothes recently, and found the experience unpleasant. The cheapo clothing line, "designed" by Hills star Heidi Montag, is available through Anchor Blue, and is composed of items that (unlike her competitor Lauren Conrad's more pricey collection) retail for around $10 to $60. And even those low prices felt expensive for the clothing, which is fashioned out of bits of Heidi's hair and old Hellman's mayonnaise labels. The best section of the charmingly unhappy review is after the jump, plus a larger image of the splendiferous clothing you see before you.

Do you really want to know what Spencer and Heidi were wearing in Midtown today? Our stalker has the deets.

Oh dear. After weeks spent learning about ancient proverbs and analyzing the relationship between women and fashion, the cast of The Hills has gotten their manicured hands dirty. Moving on from worldly life lessons, the girls dove highlights first into Relationships 101. McCain endorsette Heidi raised a good question last night: "How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time?" And her sort-of boyfriend Spencer provided some guidance. As his Adderall eyes flickered and his surfer boy voice reached shrieky heights, he attempted to explain something "everyone on the planet" knows: the difference between "Relationship-acation" and breaking up. But no matter how totally profound Spencer may have appeared, queen bee Lauren drowsily piped in with a brief lesson on boys who are "scum." Enjoy this video, crafted with loving care by Molly McAleer. [MTV]

[Heidi Montag from The Hills (boyfriend Spencer is in the background) in New York City yesterday; image via INF]