It happened to Paris Hilton, and now Justin Bobby's cell phone has been hacked! The internet was abuzz today with all of the text messages he's been sending. We have the full transcript and a video!

Accustomed to being paid for doing absolutely nothing, reality television performance artist Heidi Montag refused to attend her own sister's birthday without compensation. What's the union rate for siblings?

A New York Times reporter trafficked in kitten pictures; Julia Allison's fashion scheme spread like a virus; and everyone decided gay people need special handling. The Twitterati were hatching schemes.

There was a lot of ticking last night. Heidi's biological clock was making noise and so was the time bomb of Roxy working at People's Revolution. Oh, and Audrina was ticked off, but no one seems to care.

The Hills are on fire! Everyone is talking about last night's sixth season premiere, but it looks like Lauren Conrad leaving has doomed the show. Know what, who cares? The City is a million times better, anyway.

Learning about how much the stars of The Hills make will make you want to vomit. If it doesn't make you want to vomit, it will surely make you want be on TV. Both are appropriate reactions.

Prince Harry turns 25 today. He shares his birthday with reality "star" Heidi Pratt, who is turning 23. (Make of that coincidence what you will.) Filmmaker Oliver Stone is turning 63. Music honcho Charlie Walk turns 43. Brit model Sophie Dahl is 32. Former NFL quarterback Dan Marino is turning 48. Opera singer Jessye Norman is 64. Actor Tommy Lee Jones is turning 63. And America's No. 1 mom, hands down—Dina Lohan—celebrates her 47th birthday today.

In news that has rocked fake-Hollywood, Audrina Patridge announced today she is leaving MTV's quasi-reality show The Hills sending industry analysts into coma-like stupors attempting to figure out what this means, or if it means anything.

Heidi Montag wants to be impregnated. Bethenny Frankel wants new friends. And Martha's Vineyard wants to see Chelsea Clinton wear white. Good morning! It's Monday's Gossip Roundup!

Speidi acts the ass at the Miss Universe pageant, Sting's status as a sexual God is bullshit, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush reconcile, Jason Schwartzman got married, Marc Jacobs is getting married, and Amy Winehouse goes on a 48-hour bender.

Sherri Shepherd tried to religionize Andy Dick, Heidi claims Spencer makes her orgasm 20-30 times a day, the George Clooney gay rumors are back, Nick Lachey is lonely, Lindsay Lohan scored an acting gig and Mischa Barton has cellulite.

When it was announced that Heidi Montag was posing "tastefully" nude for Playboy, it was mildly shocking to imagine her controlling little boy-goblin letting her do such a thing. Now it makes sense — she's not nude in the photos.

Scores, the strip club on East 60th Street, closed its doors at the end of 2008 after running into some financial difficulty. (Its West Side location was shuttered last May after it got caught up in a prostitution sting operation.) But it's back in business and under new management. And it's in desperate need of publicity, clearly, since it just offered Heidi Pratt a job at the club.

• Here's a rather unlikely rumor but an amusing one all the same: Prince William is supposedly thinking of moving to America with his girlfriend, Kate Middleton, and the two have been spotted house-hunting in Malibu. Frankly, if they were going to move to America—and they're probably not—we see them as more of a New York couple. And NYC could use a prince roaming around, couldn't it? Let's all cross our fingers and hope for the best. [E!]
• Countess (and not-so-real housewife) LuAnn de Lesseps was spotted hanging out with young men and doing tequila shots at a club in the Hamptons last weekend. And the earth continues to rotate on its own axis, too. [P6]
• That was quick. Just a couple of weeks after Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson supposedly reunited, the couple appears to have split up again—and it's all Nicole Richie's fault, too. Or maybe they never got back together at all? Feel free to take your pick. [E!, People, AH]

• Just when you thought Lindsay Lohan couldn't do anything to surprise you: It seems $400,000 worth of Christian Dior jewelry went missing following an Elle photo shoot in London. The last person to see it? That would be Lohan, who is now being sought by investigators for questioning. [NYDN, TMZ]
• Despite rumors to the contrary, Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone did not get married in Provincetown last weekend. It'll go down later this summer, however. [WWD]
• Adrian Grenier was seen "getting cozy" with Twilight star Ashley Greene. [P6]
• Paris Hilton says she's just getting to know soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. Her definition of "know" is probably different from yours. [Mirror]

After Al Roker showed the reality baubles how it's done in his neck of the woods earlier, the gurgling pair were taken to task by the Furies at The View. Whoopi said they were gonna end up on the street.

Gisele Bundchen stopping off at Five Guys in the West Village, and later leaving her townhouse with a shopping bag ... Amy Poehler walking in the meatpacking district ... Whitney Port pulling an empty clothing rack down the sidewalk ... Tiki Barber walking up Lexington Avenue ... Uma Thurman leaving her West Village townhouse with son Levon ... Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt arriving at JFK ... Tina Fey rehearsing scenes for Date Night with Steve Carrell in Tribeca ... Will.i.am shopping at Jeffrey in the meatpacking district ... Rihanna going to see The Hangover at the AMC Loews in Kips Bay ... Jeff Goldblum holding hands with his girlfriend ... Nicole Kidman walking in Soho ... Cameron Diaz leaving The New School in the Village ... and Kirsten Dunst picking up dinner from Nobu Next Door in Tribeca.

Heidi Montag has taken the next necessary step in all great American success stories. The Hills star will appear nude (but "tasteful") in the September issue of Playboy. The bearded figure seen lurking in the background will be Spencer. [People]

• Courtney Love may be incapable of paying her AmEx bill, but that isn't stopping her from launching her own clothing line. Coming soon: "cotton ribbed body suits" and "cashmere harem pants." [Grazia, SW]
• Emma Watson is the new face of Burberry. [Vogue]
• Bee Shaffer may be attending posh parties at the Venice Biennale right now, but she's also job hunting at the moment, in case you weren't aware. Then again, she's also interested in studying acting, so she may just do that instead. [FWD]
• Five months after he was kicked to the curb, Fabien Baron is returning to Interview as the mag's editorial director. [WWD, FWD]
• Now's the time to hit up Save Fashion; the festivities end on Friday. [Pipeline]

• It looks like Heidi and Spencer Pratt and NBC concocted yet another clever PR stunt over the weekend. Heidi was rushed from the set of I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! to a hospital in Costa Rica for a stomach ulcer and later blamed NBC for "torturing" her. For its part, NBC is reminding the public they can see what really happened on an upcoming episode of the show. [NYDN, E!, TMZ]
• The police had to called to the Greenwich estate of Stephanie Seymour and Peter Brant on two occasions last Thursday after Seymour got into an altercation with Brant's bodyguards. [P6]
• Why did David Carradine end up dead in Bangkok hotel room? According to his family's lawyer, it may have been the work of a "secret sect of kung fu assassins" who "silenced" him because he was looking into "their shadowy activities." Or it could have been a case of autoerotic asphyxiation since according to his ex-wives he had a thing for being tied up. [NYP, NYDN]