So we got duped. Twice! Heidi and Spencer, the prats from The Hills who supposedly quit the horrid reality trash barge I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Outta Here!, haven't, in fact, been gotten outta there.

[Heidi and Spencer Pratt (they're married!) arriving back at LAX after crapping out of "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Outta Here!"]

Today in celebrity fluff: Amy Winehouse is a morning drinker, Eminem was robbed, Lindsay Lohan storms through London, Simon Cowell reaches out to help Susan Boyle, Lily Allen has a nip slip, and Paris Hilton may get married this summer.

• The romance between Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez is heating up. How does People know this? Well, A-Rod supposedly introduced Kate to some of his friends and Kate has been telling people she's a baseball fan, so it's pretty obvious, no? [People]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou have come up with a name for their new baby: He's Kenzo Lee Hounsou, in honor of the Japanese designer by the same name. [P6]
• A woman is claiming she was attacked and left "crippled" by Sacha Baron Cohen (playing the role of Bruno) in 2007. [TMZ]
• Eminem had thousands of dollars worth of items stolen from his L.A. hotel room on Sunday night, including his diamond necklace and laptop. [NYDN]

Well, that didn't go well at all. One episode and several crying jags/smacking-water-bottles-out-of-Frangela's-hands later, Heidi and Spencer from The Hills have quit the disastrous reality series I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Outta Here!. Mostly because it's "not a nice show." Plus Heidi got bug bites.

Spencer and Heidi implode on the set of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, Madonna and Kate Hudson kinda almost get into a catfight, Billy Bob Thornton's daughter is charged in an infant's death, and Lori Petty spent the weekend in the slammer after getting arrested for DUI.

• Don't feel too bad if you're staying in the city for the long weekend. Take advantage of the big Memorial Day sales instead. [NYDN]
• Burberry's new Madison Avenue HQ opens on May 28; the building's sign will get switched on then, too. [Hint]
• Today in C-list celebrity fashion news: Alyssa Milano has debuted a baseball-inspired collection; and Heidi Montag is releasing a line of bikinis. [SW, SW]

• Last week Bette Midler was handing out dating tips to Jennifer Aniston. This week she's rolling with 50 Cent. Not only have the two become "unlikely best friends," but Bette says 50 has "really made my life worth living," and has been by her side "through thick and thin." She'd even like to sing backup on one of his new songs, too. Also? She's totally lost it, clearly. [NYDN]
• Speaking of Aniston, she's supposedly taking a little break right now due to "exhaustion." [Sun]
• The woman accused of having an affair with Bruce Springsteen says her ex made the whole thing up so he'd get "big money" from the singer to stay quiet. [People]
• Hilary Rhoda is reportedly dating Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez. [P6]
• Amy Winehouse was reportedly hospitalized for the third time in as many months on Tuesday, although she's since been released. [Mirror]

Anne Hathaway walking downtown with boyfriend Adam Shulman ... Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel holding hands on the street ... Christian Bale getting out of an SUV in Midtown ... Rihanna leaving a recording studio in Chelsea ... Michelle Williams walking in Brooklyn with mom Carla and daughter Matilda ... Josh Hartnett picking something out of his teeth on a Soho sidewalk ... Eliza Dushku walking in Midtown ... Rick Fox leaving his hotel ... Naomi Watts walking to the set of Fair Game in the meatpacking district ... Simon Baker talking on his cell phone ... Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sitting in a limo outside their hotel ... and Kiefer Sutherland waving to photographers.

Brad Pitt getting into a car in Soho ... Kate Hudson watching the game at Yankees Stadium ... Hugh Jackman walking in the West Village with son Oscar ... Tim Robbins riding a bike in the Village ... Gisele Bundchen getting out of a taxi ... Madonna walking into the Kabbalah Center with sons David and Rocco ... Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt arriving at JFK ... Naomi Watts playing in the park with son Sasha ... Michelle Williams getting coffee with daughter Matilda and a friend ... Jennifer Love Hewitt talking on her cell phone in the meatpacking district, and later shopping in Soho with boyfriend Jamie Kennedy ... Rihanna going to Da Silvano for lunch ... Chace Crawford hanging out on the set of Twelve ... and Justin Timberlake running to his car in Tribeca.

• George Clooney went out to celebrate his 48th birthday last week, had too much to drink, and ended up hurling in the VIP area. Clooney denies it was him, though, and says he was just "sitting next to someone who did throw up." [NYDN]
• Cops were called to Lindsay Lohan's house yesterday after a security alarm sounded and officers initially thought the house had been ransacked. It turns out Lindsay always keeps her house that way, which means in addition to everything else, she probably could use a good housekeeper, too. [TMZ]
• Marie Douglas-David has been embroiled in a nasty divorce with her elderly husband George David. Now she has a new man. She's dating a Swedish financier named Johan Saxon, and he's only seven years older than her. [P6]
• Lydia Hearst is going topless—again—in a new movie with Jason Behr. [P6]

• After 16 years of marriage, Stephanie Seymour has filed for divorce from her polo-playing, art-obsessed husband, Peter Brant. And it doesn't sound like he's taking it well: The mogul reportedly changed the locks on the couple's Greenwich mansion, and is now forcing Stephanie to sleep in the maid's quarters and threatening to take custody of their three kids. The good news, at least as far as the public's concerned: From the looks of it, the split could be just as riveting as last summer's Brinkley-Cook saga. [P6]
• Kiefer Sutherland is expected to turn himself in to the NYPD today for headbutting Jack McCollough. The penalties may be stiff, too, considering he's still on probation from a 2007 DUI arrest. [NYP]
• The Malawian father of baby Mercy says he was appalled by what Madonna wore to the Costume Institute gala this week, since she should "feel ashamed in that gear." We couldn't agree more. [MSNBC]
• Lindsay Lohan spent the night at Sam Ronson's house and changed her BlackBerry messenger name to "LL loves Sam Ronson" on Tuesday, which probably means the two are getting back together. [People]

Capping the disaster that is the Heidi Montag/Spencer Pratt wedding, the plastic Hills couple had to wear oh-so-romantic face masks during their Cabo San Lucas "pre honeymoon."

• Did Beyoncé really send a look-alike to stand in for her at an art museum in Vienna so she could go shopping instead? That's what many Austrians seem to think, and the museum now says it plans to issue a protest. And here we were thinking decoy body doubles were just for presidents and mafia kingpins. [AFP]
• James Gandolfini erupted at a group of paparazzi outside the Waverly Inn the other night. Fortunately—for the drama-loving masses, at least—they kept their cameras on during the episode and it was all caught on tape. [TMZ]
• Real-life roommates Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick might be splitting up, since Chace is reportedly looking for a loft of his own downtown. [P6]
• Mel Gibson and Russian singer Oksana Grigorieva made their first public appearance together last night at an X-Men screening in LA. [People]
• Strippers at Sapphire East's opening were supposedly told not to take their clothes off until after Samantha Ronson finished her set, since she's "so girl-crazy, she can't concentrate." [P6]

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt just got married and they're currently on what they're calling their "pre-honeymoon" in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Of course, that also happens to be prime swine flu territory at the moment, which is why they explained to Ryan Seacrest this morning that they're "wearing face masks" everywhere they go. "We're in isolation, we're in full hiding," said Pratt. If they're wearing facemasks and yet they're also in total isolation, does that mean they're just sitting around in their hotel suite with a thin layer of gauze covering their mouths? And is there any way to ensure that the masks remain there, like, permanently? You see, this swine flu may not be half as bad as you thought! [People via Daily Intel]

Lindsay Lohan is scared of food, Brad Pitt is scared of his ex-bodyguard and New York models are frightened and jealous of Jesus Luz.

• Jesus Luz isn't making many friends with his fellow male models. At an event last week, the other models in the room were "gossiping like catty girls" about his "big, swollen head," and bitching that he's only booking work because of his relationship with Madonna. Really, you think? [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan flew to Maui with her sister and mom, where she's been spotted tanning and shopping at Gucci and Louis Vuitton. So everything is pretty much back to normal. [NYDN, Us]
• Samantha Ronson changed her Facebook relationship status to "Married," whatever that's worth. [Sun]
• Good news for the handful of remaining Sex and the City fans out there: Sarah Jessica Parker says Chris Noth has finally signed on to do the sequel. [E!]

News of Kate Winslet's butt, and of Heidi and Spencer's wedding. Which are sort of the same thing. Madonna welcomes Jesus into her heart, while Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend almost made it.

• Is Madonna leaning on her friends to hire boy-toy Jesus Luz so he can remain in the country legally? It's possible! [P6]
• Tyra Banks is expected to take the stand this week at the trial of the man accused of stalking her and threatening her staff. [NYDN, NYP]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are sending their attorneys after the couple's former bodyguard to ensure he doesn't write a tell-all about life in the Brangelina home. [NYDN]
• Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault had a second wedding in Venice this weekend; guests on hand for the occasion included Anna Wintour, Ed Norton, Stella McCartney, Bono, Charlize Theron, Woody Harrelson, Lucy Liu, Penelope Cruz, and Javier Bardem. [NYDN, People]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt tied the knot this weekend, too, although the event featured fewer A-listers and many more MTV cameras. [People]

All relationships are "complicated," Facebook: Heidi Montag can't sell pictures of her stupid re-wedding, so why bother; Miley Cyrus is sheepishly two-timing and LiLo and SamRo restored a tenuous digital connection.