We are shaking things up—"hipster" style! Our Hipster of the Decade poll has been subject to various schemes and machinations. Now, we're starting a brand new Hipster of the Decade poll with our five finalists. Vote now or die!

There has been an important development in our Hipster of the Decade poll: after Hipster Runoff's Carles jacked the voting and blasted past Kari Ferrell and Dov Charney, Gavin McInnes has made a very authentic offer to win your vote.

Dov Charney, Carles, and Kari Farrell are locked in essentially a three-way tie for Gawker's Coveted Old-Tymey Mustache Trophy (awarded, for pretend, to the Hipster of the Decade.) And that is lame!

Every year they add a new level to the Dantean inferno that is artistic living in Brooklyn. Now that the youth hostel of infinite microphone feedback, McKibbin flats, is so 00's, they're building an ironic trailer park for 2010.

Yea, we know the word "hipster" is played out. That's exactly why we need to pick a Hipster Champ of the past decade. So we can lay the whole damn thing to rest. Your candidates, below. Vote. If you want.

Seed, the AOL Media Borg that will destroy journalism, is still alive, despite our best efforts. Today we launch another missile of creativity at its hull. It asks what to do with mismatched plates, and we respond with a poem.

Everyone got crunk at the IAC/College Humor/Daily Beast X-Mas party. Did you? Did Julia Allison? Know what a "walk off" is? The Elle party apparently does, so suckit, Vogue. VICE/VBS.tv? And what about this here website's shindig? Party roundup time!

Behold, the bike lane to nowhere: Bedford Avenue's hotly contested sexy/sinful bike lane cost New York $11K to install and $15K to eliminate to protect Hasids' eyes from scantily clad females, plus whatever damages the guerrilla repainters inflict. [NBCNewYork.com]

"'Square-dancing here isn't really what people imagine it to be,' [Portland hipster Paul] Silveria [friends with many 'tattooed habitués of the punk scene'] says of the hybrid rock and square-dance moves he does." Oh yes it is. [WSJ]

Remember Bob Geldof's 1984 superstar-stacked "Do They Know It's Christmas?" track released to benefit Live Aid Ethiopia? Everyone was on it. U2, Queen, Phil Collins, Sting, etc. Well, the epic indie rock version is here. And it kicks the original's ass.

Vice: "How To Ruin Music." Missing: "Let Justice remix your song." They're French, too.

Objectively speaking, some 24 year-olds repainting bike lanes on the street ranks in the bottom 10% of New York crime stories on any given day. But since they are HIPSTERS who love to ride bikes battling THE JEWS who hate hipsters and their immodest bike-riding attire, there in Williamsburg, in a sexxxy culture clash, well then. Two bike lane repainters got arrested and now the cultural martyrdom grows deeper:

bicycle activist describing the gulf between Hasidim and hipsters in Williamsburg, as revealed in a battle over bike lanes (Hasids say they fear "staring at members of the opposite sex in various states of undress"), to the New York Post.

File Under: Ideas Bad for Humanity. An industrious writer embarked on a mission to recreate the now-banned Hipster Holy Water known as Sparks. Reactions? "God, that's so fucking gross," and "This is the best day of my life." Success! [SFWeekly]

Here's an informative PSA about how to not only be the safest, coolest cyclingest dude around, but also how to make a convincing fake PSA.

The word 'hipster' is wildly misused, (including by me). It actually refers to cool jazz-era cats from the 20s to the 60s. You need to know your groceries, so check this collection of their genuine hipster slang.

Tao Lin's Guardian book review. Related: Going to hospital, back at 3. Brain: exploded.

The all-powerful National Pork Board has sicced its attorneys on make-your-own-clever-shirt site Neighborhoodies. The National Pork Board strongly disagrees with Alf's assertion that cats are "The Other White Meat."

This was supposed to be the beginning of a new era, built around a new kind of pop culture. But when the director of Napoleon Dynamite's new film can't even get a national release, the dream is surely in danger.

Pabst Brewing Company, maker of PBR, is going up for sale. Oh we know who should buy it: A hipster! Hahahaha. Sure, try finding a hipster with $300 million! Hahaha. Maybe for beer they'd find it! Haha. [NYP. Pic: LATFH]