Never believe anything Rudy Giuliani tells you about marriage. "I do"? Bullshit. "To have and to hold"? Lie. "I promise to preside over the wedding of my two good gay friends as soon as marriage is legal in New York"? Take a guess.

A Florida woman was arrested yesterday after a YouTube video surfaced showing her egging on her 16-year-old daughter during a brawl with another teenage girl. The video shows April Newcomb midway through the fight telling her daughter, "Don't fucking stop."

Everyone knows that exclusive private kindergartens in Manhattan are too expensive, too competitive, and make parents crazy. But one good story on $400 per hour kindergarten interview consultants really drives home the point: everyone involved here is awful.

Christopher Stone, the sleazy owner of the teen gossip/porn websites stickydrama and sticky-n00dz has been bragging recently about how he got into law school. Attention, mysterious law school! This man spends his free time harassing teenagers and videotaping live rapes.

Christopher Stone publicly threatened to release nude pictures of a 19-year-old girl if she didn't stop talking to his friend. Five months later, he appeared in a news report calmly warning teens about the dangers of "sextortion."

31-year-old Christopher Stone runs two of the worst websites on the Internet: the teen gossip site StickyDrama and its sister amateur porn site, Sticky-n00dz. One day he recorded a sexual assault live and blogged about it, but didn't report it.

John Fitzgerald Page is not only a horrible person who once tried to extort $1000 from a 19 year-old girl. He is also the world's cheapest person. Let's enjoy some tales of his absurd frugality!

John Fitzgerald Page, the Worst Person in the World, recently re-entered our lives by trying to extort $1,000 from a 19-year-old actress. She's escaped! But other actors represented by Page's talent agency haven't been so lucky.

America's only escapist pleasure during this endless oil spill has been yelling at and making fun of dour BP CEO Tony Hayward. What a dork! But now the fun's over, because Hayward will no longer manage operations in the Gulf.

BP CEO Tony Hayward, the guy who's so much fun to yell at, has finally made it big! He'll meet Barack Obama on Wednesday, at the White House, before his big congressional "grilling" on Thursday. Tony knows all the bigshots!

Sarah Palin may have competition for the worst politician in Alaska. Meet Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski: She single-handedly blocked a measure to raise the amount of money oil companies are liable for in an oil spill.

Remember everyone's favorite anti-Islam pickup truck that was also maybe racist? Well the Virginian driver of the beautiful vehicle is now speaking out and telling the world that he is no racist. Update: But his Facebook is!

Barack Obama's bizarre alliance with NBC continued last week when the White House invited network chief/seasoned clubrat Ben Silverman over for a highly publicized meeting just in time for the launch of Silverman's shitty new show, The Philanthropist.

So Carrie California has been saved. Carrie Prejean, Miss California USA, was granted a pardon by the benevolent Donald Trump, even though she has tits and hates homosexuals and stood to lose her precious crown.

Should Carrie Prejean, the beauty pageant contestant who hates gay people even more than cellulite, be executed? Some say "Yes." Others say "Free Speech." Now the decision has fallen to bouffanted ethics professor Donald Trump.

The fourth hour of the Today Show is when Kathie Lee Gifford unhinges her jaw and swallows up airtime by abusing co-host Hoda Kobt and displaying sexual frustration. Two clips after the jump.

Famous lesbian Paris Hilton recently did an interview with the most prestigious publication of our times, Parade magazine. In it she discusses the nature of wealth and fame, saying: "You can just have everything you want and not have to deal with the press and people following you. But being rich doesn't even matter, either. I have both and it doesn't even make any difference. I could be happy if I had nothing. So it's not, it's not really about money to me." This comes after her recent revelation that her bazillionaire grandfather Barron Hilton will be donating most of his money to charity. Oh Paris! Wouldn't it be great if grampa's little announcement was just a test and when he reads this interview he proclaims loudly "You have passed! You have proven yourself. Here, take all of my gold"?? Even though it wouldn't matter either way because you've inexplicably managed to make millions on your own?!? After the jump, a clip of how Paris (and friend) would spend her humble, honest days, taking buses and talking to other poors. [Showbiz Spy]