American Idol maven and auburn-haired Broadway crooner Clay Aiken thinks "Washington is dysfunctional." So he'd like to be a congressman and fix all that now, please, thank you very much.

Our slow, steady slouching toward Idiocracy appears to be right on track as the latest Daily Show takedown of CNN clearly demonstrates.

Maricopa County, Arizona, Sheriff Joe Arpaio likes to treat the accused lawbreakers under his care like little Army men that he can march around, dress up, and melt with a magnifying glass. Now he's started a "Mug Shot of the Day" contest on his web site to help people mock them.

Barack Obama's State of the Union speech last night centered on "winning the future," a mindless incantation that means nothing and actually sprang from the mind of Newt Gingrich, America's greatest simpleton.

Internet blogs are killing newspapers and stealing from them and full of blowhards who don't know what they're talking about, so where does the Washington Post look for it's next "great pundit"? The internet.

Police in Everett, Wash., have broken up a prostitution ring operating out of an espresso stand. The baristas were the prostitutes. Welcome to the future.

We've long known that Politico exists for no other reason than to make money by celebrating and enabling the continuing devolution of political reporting into content-free, America-hurting cable-news idiocy. But it's still sad to see them actually admit it.

Indicted former GOP House Majority Leader Tom DeLay will be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars. Terri Schiavo's dead—what else did you expect him to do?

Last night, Conan O'Brien staged a dramatic reading of Sarah Palin's farewell speech/mad triumphant soul-cry as read by William Shatner and accompanied by bongos and stand-up bass.

If you believe technology is rapidly turning us all into hedonistic degenerates, these advertisements for an online video game give you a perfect case study. The game, Evony, is about empire-building strategy. The ads, increasingly, are about boobage.

The Washington City Paper has landed a treasure-trove of voicemails and other recordings documenting the ongoing episode of COPS that is former D.C. mayor Marion Barry's relationship with the girlfriend he was arrested for stalking on Saturday.

Not content with ruining the Fourth of July weekends of dozens of cable-news personalities and producers, Sarah Palin followed up by dragging poor Andrea Mitchell and a bunch of other saps to some godforsaken fishing hole in Alaska last night.

A controversy erupted Thursday afternoon when Politico reported that Olive Garden was pulling its Late Show advertising in the wake of the controversy over Letterman's Palin jokes. Olive Garden then denied this. Regardless, the "Fire Letterman" crowd wants more blood.

The Olive Garden has pulled its ads—or maybe not!—from rapes-with-his-mouth David Letterman's late-night show about impregnating 14-year-old girls. Why would they do that? Because the PUMA crowd threatened a boycott. Of course. Wait, remember them?

Matt Lauer is on fire when it comes to booking developmentally delayed Republican ladies. First it was Sarah Palin this morning, followed by Carrie Prejean, who says her "dethroning" as Miss California was a set-up just like Marion Barry.

Sarah Palin went on the Today Show this morning to tell everyone to "rise up" against David Letterman, the noted TV rapist and "so-called comedian."

"Rendition: Guantanamo," the British video game purportedly being developed for the XBox360 featuring a Gitmo detainee "fighting back" against his captors, has been nixed by its developer. That was quick!

A British software company is developing a video game in which the player is a terror detainee at Guantanamo Bay and has to escape and kill a bunch of "mercenaries." It's based in part on the experiences of an actual Gitmo prisoner, Moazzam Begg, who's a consultant to the game.

Noted beauty contest loser and porn model Carrie Prejean guest-hosted and Fox & Friends this morning, and she basically dry-humped Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade the whole time. Easy Carrie! Brian and Steve won't get you anywhere. If you want the permanent gig, you're gonna need a loofah.

We don't pretend to understand the appeal of TLC's Jon & Kate Plus 8, but its season premiere brought in a whopping 9.8 million viewers last night—that's more than last week's Lost season finale. So why is this Kate woman complaining that people are interested in her life?