Are coyotes popping up deeper and deeper in New York City just to show what they're capable of? Maybe. No real way to prove they're not.

When the huge invasion of snowy owls began this winter, was it wrong for us to feel delight? These beautiful raptors from the arctic tundra do not often show up on the American East Coast, after all. But the sheer number of snowy owls should have been a warning, both to the owls themselves and to our sense of wonder.

In normal times, the arctic bird of prey known as the Snowy Owl stays up north, feasting upon the flesh of lemmings. But these are not normal times, so the owls have come south with the terrible arctic weather. "They are just absolutely everywhere and there's a lot more coming," says an expert who knows about the owls.

A teenage girl learned a harsh lesson about oversharing last week when her family's Sydney-area home was robbed after she posted photos of money wads on Facebook.

Forget bedbugs. Those are old news. The new news? The new, terrible news? Stink bugs. And that's a scientific name. Creatures that emit a foul odor when scared have been increasingly found in New York lately. We're moving.

The increasingly important festival is in scramble mode after a customer at the main venue for their 9/9-9/19 movie party complained about bedbug bites. How'd they get there? Well, the Degrassi kids were just in New York. Filthy teens.

If you've been feeling phantom itches lately, here's something to comfort you: If you don't live in Ohio, it's possible you don't have bedbugs. If you do live there, you're fucked. Three Ohio cities make the top ten infested list.

We've long feared it, and now the national news media is confirming it. Bedbugs truly are going to be the modern-day plague that o'erwhelms us all. National infestations are growing rapidly and you know who's to blame? The children.

We will not be copacetic! The bedbug menace grows and grows every day, infesting various halls of industry and power. Their latest assault is on the written word. Yes, bed bugs have invaded publishing.

Bedbugs are destroying New York! Invading CBS, teen-dream clothing store Hollister, and now Hollister's cooler older brother, Abercrombie & Fitch. Their South Street Seaport location is closed while they deal with an infestation. Meanwhile, the Aéropostale people giddily pop champagne.

Holy crap. A man kept getting his food stolen. He sets up a hidden camera, and what he discovers is beyond unsettling. This is invasive and weird and scary all over.

Here is an urgent letter and warning that just came through on our tips line. Sic throughout, natch. "Hello dear ladies and gentlemen!I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person, who has nothing with acting career. That clone was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not damn sexy), most important-CHRISTIAN young lady! I'll tell you guys more, that clones (it's not only one) made in GERMANY-world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, North Bavaria, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town. You can not even imaging the scale of the cloning activity. But warning!"

Senator Barack Obama's "official blogger" has ties to the Communist Threat that could bring this nation to its very knees! "Sam Graham-Felsen, a journalist-on-leave from The Nation, joined 'Obama for America' in March 2007 where he works for the New Media department as the official blogger, daily presenting the campaign's public face. Now he's under fire for his reputed Marxist sympathies from bloggers at Common Ills on the left and Little Green Footballs on the right."

Rudy Giuliani has just about proved to America that he had what it took to rid New York of its many unpleasant ethnics and poor people, as the Times explained this weekend. Did you know that everyone in New York was on welfare before Giuliani became mayor? It's true! Every last one of them, except the good people of Staten Island, which is kind of the Iowa of New York. Back in the dark days of the early 1990s, "a New Yorker couldn't walk up Third Avenue without being on the lookout for muggers, of the blocks of dirty book stores and prostitutes, of public urination and pot-smoking." Christ, it sounds heavenly! (Though the public pot-smoking thing is a little west coast for our tastes.) But if there was one man who could be counted on to rid this city of its criminals and perverts, it was that adulterous cross-dressing megalomaniac. And he's gonna do for the rest of America what he did for New York: protect it from aliens.