When Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced that the Texas Military Forces would “monitor” Jade Helm, a U.S. military training exercise taking place in Texas this summer, he didn’t just give an implicit thumbs up to the dumbest conspiracy kooks of the right—he also inspired those kooks to sign up for the Texas militia to defend their state.

A not-small group of Americans thinks Barack Obama is considering an armed invasion of the Southwestern States, making it the first time in history a leader would attempt to conquer something he already controls. They write lots and lots of angry letters.

With every day that passes, it seems like yet another politician is jumping aboard the good, maniacal ship Jade Helm conspiracy theory. And according to a new poll from Rasmussen, these lovable lunatics we elected into office are not alone. Because 45 percent of voters “are concerned” that Jade Helm is just a cover for martial law in the American Southwest.

Here is a video of Ted Cruz, the debate team goon who wants to be your next president, agreeing that Barack Obama might possibly be planning to invade the American Southwest under the auspices of “Jade Helm 15,” an Army training exercise.

Texans can now proudly say that their state not only boasts the Biggest Tacos and Tallest Beers, but a governor willing to waste tax dollars on a batshit make-believe martial law conspiracy theory.

The military is not about to take over the Southwestern United States. No one’s building underground tunnels to connect various Walmarts. Texas is not erecting a series of FEMA death camps. And we’re not about to enter the age of martial law in America. But! Just in case—Rand Paul is on it.

From July 15th to September 15th, over a thousand armed American soldiers will maneuver through the Southwest United States as part of a vast operation with a single motto: "Master the Human Domain." Internet conspiracy theorists wait their whole lives for a moment this rich.