We're hearing that LA Times columnist, VH1 talking head, and general shanda-for-the-Jews Joel Stein will be doing a little bit of freelancing for Jane magazine. The story makes sense, in that Stein and Jane ed Brandon Holley once toiled together in the trenches of Time Out. Loathe though we are to see Stein's cut-rate Dave Barryisms in yet another publication, we can see one possible upside. Perhaps Brandon will mate him with the mag's professional virgin Sarah DiMuro, which would keep at least that corner of the gene pool quarantined.

So Sarah DiMuro - the virginal Jane blogger whose desire for a cherryectomy before her thirtieth birthday went unfulfilled - is still at it. Even though she's now passed into her fourth decade, at which point even the government is legally forced to reclassify her from "virgin" to "spinster," DiMuro continues to prattle on about bad dates and dispense advice over at the magazine's website. Short of suggesting that she lower her standards (it certainly didn't work for Jane) we have no idea what to do to get this woman laid and out of our lives. C'mon, can't someone out there take one for the team? Or are you all too put off by the voice?

At a gathering for 49 Nobel Prize winners in 1962, President Kennedy remarked that "I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent and of human knowledge that has ever been gathered together at the White House - with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone." All well and good, but this January 29th will see the greatest assemblage of magazine genius ever gathered together in the same room - with the possible exception of when Art Cooper had that fatal meal with Dave Zinczenko. That's right, it's MediaBistro's "Editors on Truth Serum — The New Rules of Success Now," a panel discussion at Chinatown Brasserie, starring such luminaries as Tom Foster (Men's Journal), Brandon Holley (Jane), Stacy Morrison (Redbook), Susie Schulz (CosmoGirl!), Richard Story (Departures), and Jake "Shake 'n Bake" Weisberg (Slate). As 'bistro Boa-in-Chief Laurel Touby puts it,

• Evil, Inc.'s Rupert Murdoch and Liberty Media's John C. Malone kiss and make up. [NYT]
  

30 Year Old Virgin [CodeTV]
Earlier: Sarah "Virgin" DiMuro Offers Sex Tips

Blogger Sarah DiMuro's reign of Janemag.com ickiness ("read up to see if Sarah's still a virgin!") is, in theory at least, over: she was supposed to to lose it before she hit 30, and she didn't. But that's not stopping her from taking her internet "fame" to the next level. Specifically: the 'giving dumb quotes to Page Six' level (Page Six, being Page Six, repays the favor by misspelling SaraH's name). Anyway, Sarah offers Britney Spears this counsel: "Don't date for a while, just take a breather and stay away from men. It's a no-brainer!" Well, okay, it's not bad advice. But we're still questioning Sarah's qualification to dish it out. Maybe Brit will counter with some fashion hints.

Who is Jane? Holy shit, she's Atoosa Rubenstein.

Hearkening back to last July, perhaps you recall that Sassy and Jane founding editor and all-around adorable cult leader Jane Pratt was forced eased out of the latter publication last July after what WWD referred to as "endless antics." In case you were wondering what sort of "antics" could result in the termination of a magazine's spiritual leader, Keith Kelly's report on Pratt's forthcoming debut on satellite radio safehouse Sirius notes that Pratt's infamous "wanderlust" that led to her departure coincidentally occured after she suffered a miscarriage — an event which likely superceded the magazine in her personal hierarchy of emotional commitments, God forbid. Ladies, take heed: nothing shall distract you from your job.

• If you want to win in the end, you've got to indoctrinate them when they're young. [LittleDemocrats]
• Whitney Houston's sober, and you've got Courtney Love to thank for it. Now just imagine how that all came about. [Idolator]
• Why in the name of God is Men's Vogue hosting a slideshow of Francesco Vezzoli's Caligula? This really doesn't help their case. [Men's Vogue]
• The New Yorker pacifies toddlers and puts to sleep people of all ages. [Flickr]
• Giorgio Armani designs tomorrow's issue of the Independent, affectionately called the Red Issue. Just like his skin. [Independent]
• Only hipsters would upload a video with puppets singing about hipsters. [Animal]
• Murray's Hill: an imagined sitcom with music by the Fray, sponsored by Sparks. [Leveraged Sellout]
• Kanye West is many things to many people. Many Gay things. [One D at a Time]
• Jane editor Brandon Holley abandons punk roots, gets engaged. Mazel tov, ya sellout! [FishbowlNY]
• Sad news for fans of excellent British automotive television: Top Gear's Richard Hammond has been in a car accident. At 280 MPH. [Jalopnik]

• Kate Hudson comes to her senses (maybe) and realizes that Owen Wilson (possibly) is not the most stable choice (on earth). But is she ready to go back to a life of picking food out of Chris Robinson's beard? [Us Weekly]
• Did Paramount sever ties with Tom Cruise because he's a lunatic, or because the studio's short on cash? Not that the two are mutually exclusive. [Fox411]
• A shirtless picture of surprisingly hot Today show co-host Matt Lauer goes for five times as much as that of Matthew McConaughey. [TMZ]
• Quick question: Is there anyone or anything Nathan Lane won't talk shit about? Today, it's the Matthew Broderick bug that's climbed up Lane's ass, and the two may not work together again. [Page Six]
• 29-year-old virgin Sarah DiMuro's pristine hymen is the best thing to happen to Jane in years. [Lowdown]
• Bill Clinton takes Chelsea and the gang to Serendipity 3, Dylan's Candy Bar, and the Museum of Natural History. Afterwards, they boarded back on their big red bus and headed back to their hotel in Times Square. [Page Six]

As we suspected, Jane magazine is in fact having a competition to get a 29-year-old virgin laid. We could talk about how desperate and distasteful the whole thing is, but we're more upset that now we've got to cancel Gawker's Fuck a Fat Guy contest lest we be accused of appropriating the concept. No, what's more interesting to us is Sarah's appearance. She looks... familiar. Who is it that she reminds us of? Oh, right.

Last night we took another trip to the newsstand to fetch more of the beastly September fashion glossies, but this time things were toned down a notch. Rather than haul another 9.5 pounds of aspirational crap, we went more towards the featherweights. Next round, we'll suck it up and grab the heavyweights like InStyle or the 650-page Vogue. And when we're all done? Just you wait. We're going to take all these fuckers and build ourselves a coffee table.

• Meredith Vieira preps for her forthcoming role as Today show co-host by visiting the newsroom and, um, taping Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?. The contrast of morning show queen to cheesy game-show host may be funny now, but just wait until she's doing a tough AM interview with a heavy hitter and asks them, "Is that your final answer?" [NYDN]
• Be mesmerized as you watch the downfall of Mel Gibson. [Us Weekly]
• And then do a little fist-pump, as he's been charged with a DUI. [TMZ]
• 9/11: The answer to Nic Cage's prayers. [Defamer]
• It may be hot as fried balls out there, but at least it's not Europe. [Logged Hours]
• Rather than slappping a vile breastfeeding image on a magazine cover, why not stick to the traditional, Christian methods of breast coverage? [Zulkey]
• Apparently, we're the reason you're not investing in your 401(K). [TAP]
• Misty water-colored memories of the Ford Administration. [Yahoo ]
• City Councilman John Liu talks about loser pedophile radio stooges. And it has nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein. [Daily Politics]
• The Chinese goverment has ordered that 50,000 dogs be killed, if only so that you may better enjoy your delicious Lo Mein Special. [AP]
• Christopher Hitchens' obit: would that it were so. [The State That I Am In]
• Best headline of the day: Naked, Combative Man Leads Police to Marijuana Farm. [AP]

Remember back in May, when we told you about the woman running around pretending to be Jane fashion director Kusum Lynn? Well, according to WWD, Lynn caught up with her impostor at a recent party for Gucci, and... it turned out to be a dude. A dude with a history of impersonating Conde Nast employees. How'd it all play out?

• We really don't want today to end, if only so that everyone can continue to hyper-analyze Katie Couric's insane farewell on the Today show. [BWE]
• A new theory on Brangelina: did she have a C-Section because she didn't want to give baby Shiloh herpes? And did she give herpes to Brad Pitt? Was that how Jen Aniston found out he was cheating? Could we be any more stupid about this whole thing? [OhNoTheyDidn't]
• Martha Stewart puts her Westport, CT home up for sale for a mere $8.9 million. But you'll have to pay extra to have that hideous wallpaper removed. [FishbowlNY]
• In the soft underbellies of New York's hipster havens, there are at least 3 people who don't drink. Granted, you won't see these folks on the Cobrasnake — but dammit, they're out there. [VV]
• Give K-Fed a shower and a comb, and he could be dominating the halls of Goldman Sachs. [Us Weekly]
• Memoirist Augusten Burroughs indulges the girls at Jane with a message board Q&A, wherein we learn that he doesn't know how to spell per se. Not that we should talk, but then again, we have a lot less money and a much bigger chip on our shoulders. [Jane]
• With all these celebrity babies being spit out left and right, a career in child therapy — especially with a Beverly Hills practice — may prove to be very lucrative. [The Letter D]
• During its last launch, Radar housed its visiting web designers at the opulent Hotel Carter. This time around, maybe the Chinatown Best Western? [Flickr]
• Presented without comment, a Vincent Gallo blog. Oh hell, we can't not comment — it's really creepy. [I Blew Vincent Gallo]

Because we lurve Ashlee Simpson, we were recently flipping through the April issue of Jane (we know, we're behind on the girly mags), and we noticed a couple of things. First of all, it seems safe to say that after a few months under editor-in-chief Brandon Holley, Jane is pretty damn good. The look is fun, the edit is solid — just a good hipster-crafty-feminist revival.

• Maxim, Sports Illustrated, and Playboy to spend up to $1 million each to host dueling pre-Super Bowl parties. Maybe some of those recently laid off from Time Inc. and Dennis Publishing will be invited. [NYP]
• Brandon Holley digs 20-something smart chicks. [NYT]
• Daily News TV guy Richard Huff still doesn't like Jon Stewart. [NYDN]
• The Observer redesigns its blogs, which now look thoroughly swell (if, sadly, less pink). [The Real Estate/NYO]
• Missed In Style: Celebrity Weddings on ABC Monday night? Then you missed your chance to see highlights from Details editor Dan Peres' wedding. We're sure you're as sad as we are. [WWD]

A horrible thought just occurred to us: What happens to today's Media Christmas parties?!

• The latest magland roman a clef is by Jane Pratt's former assistant. But this time this boss is the heroine — and her boss is the bad guy. What an interesting twist. [NYP]
• Maureen Dowd says the Times is over the Judy Miller fiasco and now "everything's fantastic." She also says the Iraq insurgency is in its last throes, and that U.S. forces have turned the corner there. [Texas Monthly]
• It's not just Maxim; Housewife Nicollette Sheridan will appear on any magazine that'll have her. [Folio: (second item)]
• Blogger book deals continue apace: Dan Radosh's Rapture Ready! TK in 2008. (Yeah, we know he does a lot more than only blog, but why let facts get in the way of a good generalization?) [Radosh.net]

After all the stink we made about uber-editor Jane Pratt leaving Jane and being replaced by Brandon Holley, we still didn't really care enough to follow up and see how the "new" Jane would look (adult ADD, man). So we picked up the January issue the other day, and maybe it's too soon to tell, but we're not detecting any major differences, other than wee aesthetic ones, under Holley's reign. We did, however, notice an interesting little sidebar on the letters page, which was for the November issue (and Pratt's last):