Dina Lohan says Lindsay and Heath were dating at the time of his death, Jacko's funeral cost $1 million, Fergie didn't know what "cheating" meant until her therapist told her. Come, drink the sweet nectars of Wednesday gossip.

• A judge has granted a temporary restraining order barring Jennifer Lopez's ex, Ojani Noa, from distributing a sex tape starring his former wife/benefactor. The order is only in effect for a day and another hearing is scheduled for today, so J. Lo's sex-filled 1997 honeymoon may still see the light of day yet. [TMZ, Reuters]
• Malaysian party boy (and clubland savior) Jho Low celebrated his 28th birthday last week at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas with "bikini-clad party girls and surrounded by caged lions and tigers." Later, he partied with Paris Hilton, Usher, and Jamie Foxx, who reportedly "gifted the birthday boy" with a red sports car for some reason. Apparently, Low is often mistaken for photographer Chance Yeh, so make sure you don't get these two mixed up. A tip: Low is one buying 120 bottles of Cristal. [P6]
• Robert "Joe" Halderman, the guy accused of trying to extort David Letterman, appears in court today and his lawyer is expected to ask the judge to dismiss some of the charges against him. How long he'll be able to afford a lawyer is unclear. He's raised $100,000 for his legal defense fund, but he was also suspended without pay by CBS recently, too. [NYP, MSNBC]
• Madonna wants to clear a few things up: Yes, she's going to Brazil, but no, it's not to meet Jesus Luz's mom. She's going "strictly for fundraising and humanitarian purposes," thank you very much. [P6]

A&E purchased the reality show The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty which will feature appearances by the late Michael Jackson's three kids, Prince, Paris, and Blanket. Thankfully, at least one Jackson thinks this is a bad idea.

So far the public outrage hasn't been nearly as intense as Janet Jackson's Nipplegate, but once the thought of a naked ladyflower on prime time television settles in, the reaction will be huge. Next up, FCC fines.

Is Kanye West considering rehab? Would Michael appreciate Janet's mournful gesture? Should we all just forget Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic ways? So many questions! Get some answers in your Tuesday morning gossip roundup....

A shaken nation will be holding its head just a bit higher tonight, knowing that the FCC has said it wants to "further investigate" the 2004 Janet Jackson Super Bowl boob-flash incident that still scars America to this day.

• Ivanka Trump has a set a date for her wedding to real estate scion Jared Kushner. It will go down on October 25 at—where else?—the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, NJ. Mark your calendars! [P6]
• Emma Watson is doing her best to "blend in" now that she's a freshman at Brown. Which is a little hard to do when you have the paparazzi tracking your every move on campus, clearly. [NYDN]
• The Olsen twins will be bartending this evening at Barneys as part of the festivities planned for Fashion's Night Out. So Mary-Kate must have just been training the other night when she was spotted "chain-smoking and throwing back shots." [P6]
• Ellen DeGeneres has been tapped to replace Paula Abdul as a judge on the ninth season of American Idol. [E!]

Gwyneth needs a better bra. The gays need not beg to kiss George Clooney. And Megan Fox knows she doesn't need a sex tape. All that and more in your Wednesday morning Gossip Roundup!

Mad fans want a piece of Sarah Jessica Parker. Mad ladies want Jon Gosselin. And Ashley Dupre's mad at the haters. Rise and shine! Here's your Thursday morning Gossip Roundup!

Where Tom Cruise and Beyonce meet in the middle. Where Jennifer Anniston terrifies West Villagers with her half-speed biological clock. Where Jon Gosselin's girlfriend terrifies virginal high school boys. Where Andy's Dick's Little One speaks. Your Saturday Late-Edition Gossip Roundup:

Jamie-Lynn Sigler is 28 today. Fox News chief Roger Ailes is turning 69. Chazz Palminteri is 57. Jasper Johns is 79. Former Secretary of State Madeline Albright is turning 72. Current Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius is turning 61. The founder of Essence Communications, Ed Lewis, is 69. Sportscaster Dan Patrick is 53. Ahmet Zappa is turning 35. Brian Eno is 61. Former football player Emmitt Smith is turning 40. Learning Annex founder Bill Zanker is 55. And actor David Charvet, better known as the father of Brooke Burke's kids, is 37. Weekend birthdays—including that of Edgar Bronfman Jr. and Charles Kushner—below.

Jessica Szohr walking her dog downtown ... Hugh Jackman getting coffee in the West Village ... Ivanka Trump walking on Madison Avenue ... Agyness Deyn carrying a Barneys shopping bag down Fifth Avenue ... Missy Elliott getting out of an SUV ... Spike Lee walking on Central Park South ... Kelly Rutherford filming scenes for Gossip Girl outside the Pierre Hotel ... Diane Kruger walking in Midtown ... Jennifer Aniston heading to the set of The Baster in Chelsea ... and Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri leaving dinner at the Waverly Inn.

Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri arriving at LaGuardia ... Hilary Duff filming scenes for Law & Order in Harlem ... Claire Danes walking with Hugh Dancy in Soho ... Jason Bateman arriving at City Stages on West 19th ... 50 Cent leaving his hotel in Midtown ... Edie Falco walking along the Hudson River with her kids and her dog ... Reese Witherspoon walking by herself ... Sarah Jessica Parker heading to the set of her new movie on the Upper East Side ... Jennifer Aniston leaving her hotel downtown ... and Ciara leaving dinner at the Waverly Inn, shortly after Russell Simmons and Nick Cannon made their exits.

• Is Jennifer Aniston planning to steal the spotlight away from Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at the Oscars by showing up to the ceremony with John Mayer and with a ring on her finger? Maybe! [Star]
• Alex Rodriguez either spent last weekend hanging out with Madonna at Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld's East Hampton mansion, or he spent it partying with Bill Clinton and Spike Lee in the Bahamas, depending on what you read. [P6, NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan's rep says LiLo can't be anorexic since she "ate two full meals" during a recent photo shoot. It's settled! [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom says 800 people have already joined her daughter's Tribeca gym, which hasn't even been finished yet. [NYDN]

• Hope you're ready to go through it all over again: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis have all agreed to participate in a Sex and the City movie sequel. [Us]
• Graydon Carter should really consider writing a nutrition cookbook: It seems Madonna's secret to eternal youth is the salmon with lentils at the Waverly Inn. [L&S]
• Still more drama from the inaugural festivities in DC earlier this week: Chris Matthews got pissed about having to wait on line, Sharon Stone was annoyed she had to co-host a segment on CNN with D.L. Hughley, and Halle Berry went into panic mode after her dress got caught in an escalator. [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow was spotted on a flight doing yoga in the aisle recently. Is this becoming a trend? [Star]
• Charges against Mathias Guerrand-Hermès have been dropped. [NYDN]

♦ Mary-Kate Olsen was "acting very oddly" during her stay in Miami for Art Basel. After getting into a fight with Kirsten Dunst at a party at the Delano on Wednesday night, MK—who "looked like she had not brushed her hair in a week"—spent the weekend drinking, chain-smoking, and hanging out with boyfriend Nate Lowman, which means she's probably not pregnant. [P6, P6]
♦ Lindsay Lohan went to a party for Milk without Samantha Ronson last week, where she was spotted nuzzling with Sean Penn. [Fox 411]
♦ Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil is reportedly threatening to write a tell-all book about Winehouse unless she gives him $1.7 million in the divorce settlement. [NYP]

Hey, you know what will be nice? Whoever the hell Barack Obama appoints to the FCC can't possibly be as incredibly asinine as the current crew. Back in 2004, popular singer Janet Jackson's nipple destroyed America's innocence forever. The FCC fined CBS stations $550,000 for allowing the nipple to terrorize the children. The Third Circuit Court of Appeals threw out the fine, because the FCC has for decades not punished fleeting, incidental nudity on television, and also because come on get over it. But the FCC is now appealing to the Supreme Court, which may find in their favor! The Supreme Court is already dealing with the FCC's fight with Fox. Fox's crime? Allowing Bono to swear on television. We want Bono off our televisions as much as the next guy, but the new FCC policy of allowing incidental, fleeting profanities in some instances, like news programs or in Supreme Court oral arguments regarding profanity, while handing fines out for random cursing during live award shows is maybe a bit arbitrary and capricious, right? Still, the FCC is liking its chances in the Fox case, and so they are going to fight the nipple thing to the bitter end. Because the founding fathers always intended us to be a nation of prudish vulgarians. (It's in the Constitution's special Unrated edition.)

♦ You weren't the only one who stayed up to watch election results. Brad Pitt and Oprah watched the festivities from Grant Park in Chicago. Harvey Weinstein had a party at Public House attended by James Franco, Josh Lucas and Jessica Alba. Robin Williams and Billy Crystal watched Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert live. And in LA, Courteney Cox and David Arquette hosted an Obama victory party attended by Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer and Sacha Baron Cohen, among others. [R&M, E!]
♦ Star is standing by its Jennifer Aniston pregnancy story. The mag claims she's undergoing fertility treatments so she can get pregnant by her 40th birthday in February. [Star]
♦ Are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes planning to have another baby? [OK!]

♦ Don't get your hopes up, but supposedly Madonna and Guy Ritchie are hoping to settle their divorce by early next week. Until then, though, we'll be treated to lots more gossip about their wacky marriage, including the set of rules Madonna posted on the wall of their Central Park West apartment and how she wanted to fill up their Olympic-size swimming pool with Kabbalah water. [NYP, Daily Mail]
♦ You think your house is complete chaos? For their stay in Berlin, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have six full-time nannies and a fleet of 20 Volkswagens (provided to them by the car company gratis, of course). [NYDN]
♦ Elizabeth Edwards, the wife of former presidential contender John Edwards, was spotted without her wedding ring at an event Monday night. Now the talk is that the couple isn't living together anymore either. [P6]
♦ Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are supposedly feuding because Ashley wants a boob job, but doesn't want to get one unless Mary-Kate goes under the knife at the same time. [Star]

♦ You didn't expect to hear that Lydia Hearst actually wrote that column in Page Six magazine by herself, did you? In response to Hearst's accusation that Page Six fabricated her latest column—the one in which she bashed her family's publishing company—the mag now says that Hearst's writing process involved being interviewed by a reporter who then "put her thoughts into cohesive paragraphs." And they have the emails to prove Lydia's trash talk. [P6]
♦ Madonna is reportedly under pressure from the leaders of Kabbalah to reach a divorce settlement quickly, lest the mess cast a negative light on their freaky cult. Guy Ritchie, however, isn't making it any easier now that he's apparently rejected Madge's latest £20 million offer. [Daily Mail, ThisIsLondon]
♦ Michael Phelps got paid $100,000 to swim around at a pool party thrown by a TV network chief's wife. [P6]
♦ It's a match made in heaven: Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Jerry Ferrara, who plays Turtle on Entourage, are dating. [R&M]