Successful rap producer Jermaine Dupri probably didn't win any friends for his Huffington Post entry defending Jay-Z's decision to sell his new album American Gangster online only as a full album. Dupri may not be a polished spokesperson, and no one wants to hear, "Why do people not care how we — the people who make music — eat?" Not when it comes from someone tied as the sixteenth wealthiest hip-hop mogul. Or when that person also gets to sleep with Janet Jackson. But — I can't believe I'm saying this — Dupri is right. Of course, artists should have the right to determine how their creations are packaged. In admitting that it's about money, too, he's just being honest. Music is a business. It's about coming to mutually agreeable terms with the customer, not catering to his every whim. Even Steve Jobs lets musicians sell songs on Apple's iTunes in album-only packages. Ultimately, if consumers really have a problem with the way they do business, the artists will fail. That's their right, too.

Rod Townsend (aka our commenter Momo), sometimes receives telephone calls from The Past, a mysterious entity that remembers where things used to be in New York before Starbucks and Whole Foods came to town."Hello?"

• Court hears case of the wardrobe malfunction [USA Today]

We hear that Janet Jackson is shopping a book concept—when you're Janet Jackson, you don't have to fuss with details like "proposals"—about her recent dramatic weight loss, to be titled Body & Soul. Which has a way nicer ring to it than How I Didn't Have Gastric Bypass Surgery, Like, At All.

• George Michael gets so stoned that he stops his car in the middle of a North London intersection and slumps over. This, alas, leads to his arrest. Poor dude's just chilling a little bit, thinking about McDonald's...what's the big deal, man? [AP]
• After realizing that baring her breasts is not enough to sell albums, Janet Jackson considers a reunion with Justin Timberlake for a "big, live show." Because if Timberlake bares her breasts for her, then she'll taste success. [Page Six]
• Robin Williams: in and out of rehab before you even knew he was gone. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Martha Stewart has a torn hip muscle. It's not the proverbial broken hip, but any injury in that area signifies the beginning of senility. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Katie Holmes starves herself until she's thin. At least she's starting to behave like a normal starlet again. [Scoop]
• The 25-room Guccione mansion is going for $5 million dollars? That's a helluva price cut, or a helluva gaffe. [Page Six]
• When Aaron Nick (does it make a difference, really?) Carter learned that Paris Hilton was cheating on him with Chad Michael Murray, he beat the crap out of her. Then he went and hooked up with Ashlee Simpson. [Us Weekly]

· Dear God! Some horrible monster in a fuschia sweatshirt swallowed Janet Jackson!
· We seriously doubt that access to Vincent Gallo's sperm is so precious that it's worth a million dollars, even if Gallo is (as he claims) "drug, alcohol, and disease free" and (ahem) "multi talented in all creative fields."
· Things never change, do they? Brad Chases Snapper while Jennifer Tackles Infidelity.
· Radar retrofits the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale with Katie Holmes-specific answers. It's more fun than a handful of Paxil!

We know that this isn't particularly Manhattan-y, but as a matter of national conversation, we simply must address the following:

• The CorcoDevil refuses to go gentle into that good night, "firing" Pamela Liebman in that drunk joking-but-seriously way, and offering her peons hope that there will be more opportunities to work with her in raping the city. [PageSix]
• The guy from the Killers is in a big bitchy slap-fight with the guy from Fall Out Boy. A series of cutting singles that all sound the same to follow. [PageSix]
• Janet Jackson: still denying the secret teenage daughter, now also denying pregnancy. Still unable to deny existence of that weird ass-slapping tape. [R&M]
• Karl Rove's wife mistress is going to leave him for, and we quote, "her handsome ranch foreman, Rhett Hard. If this is Rove's attempt to distract us from the indictments, it's working. Rhett Hard, people. The fable of Jann Wenner and the ugly couch is also worth noting. [Lowdown, via Radar]
• We note this entry in the continuing tale of the troubled Federline Household: "For example, while Spears was busy changing their infant son s diapers, Federline reportedly spent two hours getting his hair braided." And we ask: two straight hours of changing diapers? Is the Federletus sick??? [Scoop]

• Daily News publisher and editorial director Martin Dunn calls employee Lloyd Grove a "fucking idiot" with a "stupid" column. Christ, we don't even talk like that! Grove, however, bends over and takes the abuse — and probably likes it. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Lloyd doesn't help his case by calling the upcoming Johnny Cash biopic Ring of Fire when it's actually Walk the Line. Alas, the harsh permanence of print journalism. [Lowdown]
• Newsflash: Celebs carry guns and probably want to shoot you! [Page Six]
• Should Janet Jackson be more upset about a video of her sunbathing semi-nude that's currently circulating the interweb, or would it be the secret teenage daughter that's really bugging her? [Scoop]
• Actor Omar Sharif gets wasted, mercilessly beats valet. In Shariff's defense, the valet was Mexican. [R&M]

· We already knew that Natalie Portman was unreasonably gorgeous in high school, so why do we need to bid on her yearbook? Because it will one day make her fall in love with us, that's why.
· Come on, sillies, George Clooney didn't literally mean he was considering suicide when he said that he was going to kill himself over his Syriana injuries. Don't be ridiculous. Who'd run the casino if he offed himself, Gerber? Pitt? Whatever.
· The LAT profiles Mark "The Cobrasnake" Hunter, in-house photographer for Drunken Hipster Quarterly. If you see him at a party (and you will—even hermits like us have bumped into the guy), hide—his magical lens makes everyone look like they're wasted and/or wearing headbands.
· Janet Jackson might have a "secret child" with an obscure DeBarge, says an even more obscure DeBarge. (For our purposes, all non-El DeBarges shall be labeled various degrees of obscure.)