Kim Kardashian's gigantic ass and chewtoy/boyfriend—New Orleans Saints player Reggie Bush—descend on Miami. Let Diddy be Diddy. Madonna's vagina is funny. Kristen Stewart got someone fired. Tiger Woods: excited to jack off? Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.
• The week in reviews: Sam Sifton of the Times takes on two Jeffrey Chodorow spots this week, giving one star to Tanuki Tavern and none to Ed's Chowder House; the Post's Steve Cuozzo heads to Casa Lever and is reasonably happy; Time Out's Jay Cheshes gives three stars to Tipsy Parson; the New Yorker's Shauna Lyon hits up Permanent Brunch; and Gael Greene weighs in on OBAO.
• Shake Shack is taking over the world. Outposts in Miami, Kuwait, the Upper East Side, Nolita, and the theater district are all in the works. [NYT]
• Year-end lists: Bloomberg's Ryan Sutton shares his 10 favorite new NYC eateries; and GQ's Alan Richman lists the 10 best new restaurants in America.
• Pink Tea Cup devotees are hoping to raise $100K to save it from doom. [NYT]
• Everything you ever wanted to know about VIP hostesses at clubs. [NYO]
• Your next Big Mac will come with free wireless Internet access. [AP]
• The critics: Sam Sifton of the Times surveys the new Oceana and isn't overwhelmed, giving it two stars; the Post's Steve Cuozzo is pretty pleased with A Voce and hands it three stars out of four; Time Out's Jay Cheshes bestows three out of five stars on Travertine; and Gael Greene heads to Jeffrey Chodorow's Tanuki Tavern and is surprised to find she actually kinda likes it.
• The fanciest McDonald's in America is now open in Midtown. [AP, WPIX]
• Marcus Samuelsson will cook at White House later this month. [Eater]
• Openings/closings: Café Gitane's WV outpost has opened; cream puff spot Beard Papa has closed; and fro-yo chain Red Mango seems to be in trouble.
• In addition to his son, JGV is now employing his daughter, too. [NYT]
• David Waltuck has parted ways with Macao Trading Co. [NYT]
• Zach Braff is a restaurateur on the side, apparently. [GS]
• The week in reviews: Pete Wells of the Times shows little love for Hotel Griffou this week, leaving the Village hotspot starless; TONY's Jay Cheshes has nice things to say about Michael Psilakis' Gus & Gabriel; NY's Patronite & Raisfeld weigh in on Brooklyn's Fort Defiance; RG visits Yerba Buena Perry; and Gael Greene shares thoughts on Jeffrey Chodorow's latest, Ed's Chowder House.
• More photos/details about the new MePa venue Abe & Arthur's. [TFB, Eater]
• Are those calorie counts that are now posted for all to see (sigh) actually making a difference? Unclear, but the city is now conducting "research." [NYT]
• Incoming Tavern on the Green operator Dean Poll says it will take up to four years (and lots of cash, of course) to finish renovations on the space. [NYP]
• Nevermind the endless delays and appalling lack of legroom, some airlines are now offering passengers their very own signature cocktails. Yay! [VV]
• Do you know a "foodiot"? Probably, although you may be one, too. [NYO]
• If Mike Bloomberg asks you to bring over dinner, you can't go wrong with the half chicken with herbs at Quatorze Bis or the Sichuan shrimp from Shun Lee Palace. Whatever you do, do not pick up anything from Blue Smoke. [NYT]
• Ed's Chowder House, brought to you by chef Ed Brown and restaurateur Jeffrey Chodorow, opens tonight on the Upper West Side. [F&T, Eater]
• Also new as of today: Macbar, a "gourmet" macaroni-and-cheese take-out/delivery spot that's attached to Delicatessen on Prince Street. [GS]
• A roundup of a few places that have opened in the last week. [Gothamist]
• 95 restaurants have closed since June. Here's each and every one. [Eater]
• A Q&A with Missy Robbins, the chef at the brand new A Voce. [TFB]
• Speculation on what will happen to the old Cub Room space in Soho. [Eater]
• Jean-Georges Vongerichten's company will open its fifth new property this year alone on November 1. [GS]
• Openings: Tony and Marisa May's San Domenico reopened today with a new name (SD26), and in a sprawling new location (on East 26th Street); the new Oceana officially made its debut today, too; and opening on Thursday is Ed's Chowder House, Jeffrey Chodorow and chef Ed Brown's seafood venue in the Empire Hotel space that used to house Chodorow's Center Cut steak place.
• John McDonald and Josh Picard are partnering with nightlife king Serge Becker and dividing Chinatown Brasserie into two new venues. [TFB, Eater]
• A list of restaurants "where models, editors, designers and all things fashionable converge" during Fashion Week, according to the Times. [NYT]
• Rumor has it SushiSamba may take over the old Merkato 55 space. [GS]
• Minetta Tavern plans to start serving brunch on the weekends soon. [Eater]
• Marion's on the Bowery is going Mexican by way of Dumbo. [VV]
• A Frank Sinatra-branded line of wine is now available. Yes, one of the vintages really is called "Come Fly Away With Me." [Luxist]
• Once Tavern on the Green changes hands, its two public restrooms will no longer be open to the public. Try the nearby bushes instead. [NYT]
• Jeffrey Chodorow says he plans to turn his failed steakhouse, Center Cut, into a seafood shack-style spot called Ed's Chowder House. Ed Brown, the chef and owner of Eighty One, will be his partner in the venture. [NYT]
• Like father, like son, apparently: The new chef at Jean-Georges Vongerichten's Perry Street is JGV's eldest son, Cedric Vongerichten. [TFB]
• John Fraser says he's planning to expand his UWS eatery, Dovetail. [VV]
• Butchers are the new food world rock stars, in case you haven't heard. [ABC]
• Bed-Stuy gets its first speakeasy, SarahJames, this weekend. [GS]
• The guy who owns most of the Burger Kings in Brooklyn and Queens has gone bankrupt, just in case you happen to be interested in that tidbit. [Crain's]
• Make of this what you will: Sales of bottled water have been going down while at the same time whiskey sales have been on the rise.
• David Burke's chauffeur is accusing the chef of "punching him in the face and slamming a car-trunk hood on his head" after he asked to take time off for his wife's birthday. Burke faces six months in prison if convicted. [NYP]
• Beatrice Inn's chances of reopening? Slim to none, it seems. [P6]
• It looks like it's the end of the line for Jeffrey Chodorow's Ono. [GS]
• A roundup of places that just opened, or will be open later this week. [Eater]
• A roundup of what will be new in the meatpacking district this fall. [GS]
• The Hamptons scene is a little less decadent this year. Surprise! [NYP]
• The ice cream of the future isn't cold and doesn't melt, apparently. [NYM]
• Coke is testing out a new carbonated milk drink called "Vio." [Fox News]
• Try to block this out when you go out to eat later, but an audit of restaurant inspections finds that 22% of city eateries weren't inspected last year. [NYDN]
• The Spotted Pig sells an estimated $1.2 million worth of cheeseburgers a year, making it NYC's top-grossing dish. Balthazar's steak frites is No. 2. [GS]
• Frank Bruni doesn't have too many good things to say about the food at Monkey Bar in his one-star review today, not surprisingly. Graydon Carter's "social pulpit," Monkey Bar merely "affirm[s] his ordination as the high priest of a certain fame-focused, power-obsessed sect of Manhattan society." [NYT]
• Related: Illustrator Edward Sorel talks about his Monkey Bar murals. [Zagat]
• Other reviews today: Danyelle Freeman gives three out of five stars to DBGB; Time Out's Jay Cheshes hands over four out of six to Marea; and Alan Richman makes the case that Bruni should make Marea the Times' first four-star Italian restaurant before he steps down next month. [NYDN, TONY, GQ]
• Chodorow is denying that he ever considered reuniting with DiSpirito. [TFB]
• 7-Eleven says it plans to open 44 new stores in NYC this year. Ugh. [NYT]
• Hell freezes over: Rocco DiSpirito says he's been in talks with restaurateur— and onetime enemy—Jeffrey Chodorow about opening a new restaurant. [GS]
• The Standard Grill started up breakfast service today. [TFB]
• New York isn't the only magazine with a "Cheap Eats" issue on newsstands this week. It seems Time Out New York has got one, too. [TONY]
• The latest urban food fight: fruit vendors are now squaring off. [NYT]
• It's Bastille Day! Here are a few places to go to celebrate. [GS]
The Four Seasons celebrated its 50th anniversary last night and a predictably large crowd of media personalities, politicos, and powerbrokers turned out for the occasion. Just a few of the people on hand to celebrate the event with co-owners Julian Niccolini and Alex von Bidder (left, Erin Fetherston): Barry Diller, Nicole Miller, Ralph Lauren, Mort Zuckerman, Ray and Veronica Kelly, Arthur Sulzberger Jr., David and Joyce Dinkins, Henry Kissinger, Aby and Samantha Rosen, Dolly Lenz, Tim and Nina Zagat, Steve Schwarzman, Fern Mallis, Jay McInerney, Jeffrey and Linda Chodorow, Steve Newhouse and Gina Sanders, Albert Maysles, Ruth Reichl, Robert Burke, Linda Fargo, Star Jones and Herb Wilson, Thom Browne, Don Marron, Drew Nieporent, John Gutfreund, Chuck Scarborough, Cindi Leive and Howard Bernstein, Terry Allen Kramer, Marjorie Gubelmann, Marina Rust Connor, and Salman Rushdie and girlfriend Pia Glenn. [PMc, Wireimage, NYO, Paper]
• Keith McNally's Minetta Tavern and its selection of steaks score rave reviews—and three stars—from Frank Bruni in today's New York Times. [NYT]
• A peek around Warren 77, the bar that Ranger Sean Avery co-owns. [GS]
• Jeffrey Chodorow's next project, set to open in the new Kimpton Hotel in 2010, will be a Spanish restaurant and "global food park." [IC]
• A wine auction at Christie's last night raked in $1.1 million. [NYP]
• Dining in a recession: AMNY's list of spots that offer free good. [AMNY]
Because clearly there aren't enough hotels in NYC to satisfy the swarms of tourists looking to spend $500 a night on a room, Ian Schrager is building another one. And it's not going to be a plain, old five-star hotel either. Schrager is planning to convert 1414 Avenue of the Americas—currently an office building—into a "six-star" property, a designation that technically doesn't even exist in the hotel world, but is used from time to time anyway. (That's how Dubai's ridiculously over-the-top Burj Al-Arab describes itself, for example.) It's good to see Schrager is finding inspiration in his former hotel company's current ad slogan. And at least he won't have to worry about evicting the tenant on the ground floor as part of the renovation process: Jeffrey Chodorow's ode to the last boom, Kobe Club, closed last month. You see, sometimes the recession comes in handy! [NYP]
• After 115 weeks in business, Jeffrey Chodorow's Kobe Club closes its doors tomorrow night. The Miami outpost is probably history, too. [Eater]
• One of the two Starbucks in Astor Place is closing tomorrow. [Eater]
• A roundup of places that just opened, or will be open next week. [TONY]
• Charlie Palmer is giving away bottles to vino in honor of Aureole's 20th. [GS]
• The Minetta Tavern's "preferred-customer line" is sort of useless, FYI. [GS]
• Rise, the rooftop bar at the Ritz in Battery Park City, has closed. [Zagat]
• Sangria and lobster salad was on Padma's mind on Today today. [TFB]
• Christian Delouvrier, formerly of Lespinasse and Alain Ducasse, is back from Florida and is now behind the stove at David Bouley's Secession. [NYT]
• Jeffrey Chodorow's Kobe Club in East Hampton won't be back this summer. Mediocre, overpriced food will be: It's becoming a branch of Philippe. [NYT]
• As you've probably noticed, bar menus are big these days. [WSJ]
• A Craigslist ad for waiters, busboys, and bartenders attracted—yes, you guessed it—lots of former bankers and commercial real estate brokers. [NYT]
• Patois has moved from Brooklyn and has settled on Mulberry St. [LNYC]
• Celeb dining tips by Rosie O'Donnell, Jill Hennessy and Tim Robbins. [BB]
Chris Martin, the husband of Gwyneth Paltrow and lead singer of Coldplay, turns 32 today. Author Tom Wolfe is 79. Lou Reed is turning 67. Restaurateur Jeffrey Chodorow is turning 59. Jon Bon Jovi is 47. Daniel Craig is 41. Hockey player Henrik Lundqvist is 27. Writer John Irving turns 67. Mikhail Gorbachev is 78. Elizabeth Jagger, daughter of Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall, turns 25. Film producer/exec Peter Guber is 67. Cosmetic dentist to the stars Marc Lowenberg is 63. And Reggie Bush, the football player and boyfriend of Kim Kardashian, turns 24 today.
♦ Frank Bruni gives Double Crown two stars in today's Times: "It's an intensely pleasant place to hang out, the friendly service and festive atmosphere papering over the menu's weak spots." [NYT]
♦ Bloomberg's Ryan Sutton probably won't be returning to Jeffrey Chodorow's new steakhouse ("Center Cut serves a variety of items that should have died in the previous century"). But he's pretty pleased with Tom Valenti's West Branch. [Bloomberg]
♦ Where to eat out, order in, drink, and party for Thanksgiving. [Eater]
♦ John Dory, the Brit-themed seafood shack by April Bloomfield, Ken Friedman, Mario Batali and Joe Bastianich, looks like it's finally opening, possibly as soon as Saturday night. [TONY, Metromix, Eater]
♦ A look inside Center Cut, Jeffrey Chodorow's new restaurant inside the Empire Hotel. [Eater]
♦ Craftsteak and Thom Bar have a few specials in store for election night. [GS]
♦ Momofuku Ssam Bar will cater your Thanksgiving dinner with pork butt and potato puree. [The Feedbag]
♦ If it's any consolation, Tim and Nina Zagat don't think the financial crisis will do much damage to the city's restaurant economy. [WSJ]
