• Alterna-socialite Arden Wohl was arrested for writing "Ralphy Lipshits" on the front of a Ralph Lauren boutique in lipstick. That's a variation on the designer's real name of "Ralph Lipschitz" and a dumb thing to do while wearing a headband (which, face it, she almost certainly was), which is probably the clue that allowed police to track Wohl down after she made her drawing. Oh, she also stole some miniature American flags. [P6]

• After weeks of battling in court, Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook negotiated a "surprise" settlement last night, which they announced at 6 AM this morning. Many of the details are still fuzzy—they'll explain more when they get to court this morning—but custody will likely stay as is, and Christie will likely retain ownership of most of the couple's properties. [NYP]

And just as we anticipated, Gunther and Naked Guy holding out on the rumored Friends reunion movie has unraveled the project completely, with various cast members now saving face by acting like it was never in the cards to begin with: "'Nothing is happening in this regard,' said Matthew Perry's rep in a statement. 'The rumor is false.' This sentiment was echoed by David Schwimmer's publicist, who said, 'there's been no discussion about it.' And dealing the final blow to the rumor was a rep for Jennifer Aniston, who said that his client was unaware of any such project, and who questioned by she would have any interest in revisiting her sitcom days." [OK]

Where is Jennifer Aniston? We've been asking ourselves that question for what feels like three whole days now. And we're apparently not the only ones. At a gig in Milwaukee last night, boyfriend John Mayer was pouring his heart into those Grammy-winning sobfests he calls a repertoire when the usual "I want your body!" and "Are you sure you're not gay!" yelps from fans turned from coos to catty. Reports People, "Several fans were overheard yelling 'Where's Jennifer?' and 'Bring Jen Out!' in between songs." Though Mayer got his revenge by boring the crowd to tears with a volatile hate rant against the Internet and all its "vulgar" ways, we couldn't help wondering how long the oh-so-serious musician will allow yet another tabloid-y romance interfere with his craft. Or is his craft only sustainable with the help of all these tabloid-y romances?

The success of Sex and the City has convinced execs that film versions of beloved 90's sitcoms are a good idea, so a Friends movie is on the way. The article emphasizes Jennifer Aniston's role in the decision making process and speculates she's jealous of Sarah Jessica Parker's recent success. We should put together a magazine exclusively dedicated to speculating about Jennifer Aniston's emotions. It seems to be a popular preoccupation these days.

There are at least 140,796,667 lessons to be taken from the recent Sex and the City movie phenomenon, starting with the one about how an obsessively beloved TV series revolving around a tight group of Manhattan-based besties could make the successful transition to the big screen four years after leaving the airwaves. Now, reports U.K.-based Hollywood-scoop-service the Daily Mail, the varyingly employable stars of NBC's behemoth hit Friends are prepared to take their hanging-out-in-a-fake-looking-coffee-house adventures to the next level:

Sadly, not all girly song-writing musicians are as easily whipped into shape as Joshua Kelley Heigl. And Jennifer Aniston is discovering this pesky factoid the hard way. In an attempt to gather some overseas materials for her inevitable post break-up scrapbooking sesh, Aniston reportedly spent much of John Mayer’s Hyde Park concert “snapping pictures,” tapping her foot and showering him with over-enthusiastic embraces and forced PDA as soon as he got a moment to relax. In short? “Clingy” Jennifer is back, and it only takes one photo frighteningly reminiscent of Ben Affleck’s passion-void camera-centric “kiss” to Jennifer Lopez in 2003 to signal trouble on the horizon. More details surrounding Aniston’s steadily approaching familiar descent towards relationship desperation after the jump.

· Just weeks before he catapulted himself into the celebrity gossip stratosphere as America's Next Top Porn Star, we were fortunate enough to snag a few precious seconds with Verne Troyer on the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards. We broke into the Defamer Time Capsule — hint: it's buried somewhere in the grassy knoll between Craft and the Death Star — to unearth this clip that showcases both Molls and myself being temporarily rendered speechless when we realized we were in the presence of the world's most famous little person (yes, and that includes Matt Roloff).
· Still thirsty for more deets on the Mini-Me sex tape? Well, here's another mystery solved. The young frenchee in question is none other than 22-year-old Ranae Shrider, an aspiring model from Kentucky. Welcome to the jungle, baby. [TMZ]
· Just in time for Wall-E to hit theaters, those loveable scamps over at Radar have put together a list of cinema's gayest robots. [Radar]
· Looking for the silver lining in the news that the Jennifer Aniston rom-com He's Just Not That Into You has has been pushed back until February 2009? Now there's plenty of time to get Jennifer Connelly involved in that planned Marie Claire cover shoot. Also? More competition for Valkyrie! [US Magazine]
· "I am single, I have no problem meeting women. Women approach me 6, 7 times a day." After listening to this hilariously pathetic voicemail, we think we may have stumbled onto the perfect castmember for Season Two of Vh1's The Pickup Artist. If anyone can help this guy, it's Mystery. [The Sherman Foundation]

Shouldn’t single actresses know by now that giant diamonds worn on a particular finger shouldn't be flaunted in public? Cameron Diaz was photographed sporting an ostentatious sparkler yesterday in Santa Monica, suspiciously displaying the gory piece on her engagement ring-reserved finger in a very blatant manner. But considering she’s just barely started dating former cokehead/Jennifer Aniston ex Paul Sculfor, and has been linked to half a dozen other canoodling partners in the past few months, we’re not jumping on the “Diaz Engaged!” bandwagon quite yet. The notoriously anti-paparazzi actress might have just wanted to fuck with her camera-flashing enemies. Still, whenever a star makes the decision to debut a big ol’ gem there, it’s proven tough to gage those inevitable engagement rumors’ validity. We looked back at celebrity diamond-spotting of the past, from the most firm denials that led to splashy weddings, to the sure things that turned out to be false alarms, after the jump.

Just when Hollywood has seemingly runs out of ideas, it appears that the city of Los Angeles has also run out of dateable men. Two of Tinseltown's most eligible bachelorettes, Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz, have searched far and wide for the right arm candy, only to wind up scraping the bottom of the boy barrel. And their respective plights have gotten so dismal that the "sex-obsessed" blonde and "clingy" brunette are now swapping leftovers. As we already know far too well, Aniston has been gritting her teeth through this summer's most mysterious celebrity relationship with John Mayer, one of Diaz's former flings. And rumors earlier this month linking Diaz to a certain cokehead model have gained credibility after the actress was photographed out and about with the pretty-but-pretty-dumb Paul Sculfor. But the tale turns even more tragic: yet another sorry excuse for a man has nailed both A-listers, and managed to walk away the winner:

Naturally we're delighted to see Jennifer Aniston's name in the news without any mention of her lesser half John Mayer, but unfortunately the actress' latest stunt does not include bikinis, Brad, or boy toy upgrades. In case you'd forgotten, the flower-scented B.O. phenom that is SATC: The Movie is being closely followed by another chick flick packed with A-Listers called He's Just Not That Into You. Aniston rounds out the female cast alongside Drew Barrymore, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly and Scarlett Johansson. But according to Life & Style, Aniston took the very low road at a recent cover shoot for Marie Claire, insisting one of the ladies above be banned from the photo, making room for Aniston's widely seen curves to take front and center. Which co-star was allegedly instructed to leave the set, and whether or not Aniston's orders mean anything these days, after the jump.

• Amy Winehouse fainted at home yesterday and spent the night undergoing testing at a London hospital. So far the tests have proved inconclusive and doctors are stumped as to what exactly happened, which clearly means they're not reading the tabloids. [Reuters]

Naturally we couldn't ignore a blind item involving our favorite celebrity trend of the season, lesbian chic, that appeared in yesterday's NY Daily News. Especially when the item not only involves a starlet who dabbles in Lohan/Ronson-inspired games with the same sex, but also outs her bad boy boyfriend for helping her appear as straight as possible in the public eye. As the News asks today:

Like that old car wreck cliché, the John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston quasi-relationship remains shamefully impossible to look away from. So glance away we shall. After getting caught slobbering in pools, then attempting to trick photographers by making separate exits post-dinner in New York, the Cougar Queen and her cad were most recently spotted gazing into each other’s vacant eyes on Courteney Cox’s balcony. But last night marked a (Very Exciting!) turn of events in which the closeted couple boldly went where every closeted couple eventually goes: agreeing to be photographed side by side, smile to smile, with nary a sign of resistance. Where the so-boring-they’re-exciting couple grandly outed their union, and which enablers were present, after the jump.

• Denis Leary's wife, Ann, has for years been secretly not cool with the comedian having dining, hanging out with and getting diet and exercise makeovers from his knockout friend Elizabeth Hurley, so she sadly channeled her frustrations into a thinly-veiled "novel." Something tells me Denis, in a similar situation, would have just cussed and yelled about it for an hour or so until the situation somehow resolved itself. Not that there's anything wrong with different "communication styles." [R&M]

The NY Daily News makes a bold (and frightening) opening statement in their story published today regarding good girl Anne Hathaway and her very bad boy boyfriend, money-laundering, law suit magnet Raffaello Follieri: "You are who you date." While that statement may seem to be a bit elementary, they make a good point in Anne's case. No matter how charming she is on screen, how little she appears on the pages of tabloids or how impossible we find it to dislike her in any way, the fact remains that she is still with the sleazy mess of a man. And has been for years, despite all the trouble he's had with the law. And she's not the only major bankable goody two shoes actress lessening "her stock" by dating a guy who's far lower on the Hollywood totem pole: the piece also argues that Jennifer Aniston's summer fling with tattooed bed-hopper John Mayer is just as reputation damaging as Hathway's sketchy romance. So why are these beyond eligible bachelorettes digging through the back lot trash for love?

Time to mark your calendars: Lynne Spears, mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn, has an official September release date for her memoir about raising two of the world’s most tabloid-friendly children, Through The Storm: A Real Story About Family And Fame In A Tabloid World. In the book, Spears will supposedly take the Dina Lohan route and disguise motherly resentment as motherly love and “express her love for her children and tell their stories through a mother's eyes,” according to the publisher, who specializes in “inspirational books and Bibles.” But how rosy and cozy can the tome’s description of family life be with a title referring to said life as a “storm”? And given the nature of celebrity family members' tell-alls in the past, coupled with the assurance that this will not be “a parenting book,” we certainly hope Lynne follows in the footsteps of Nancy Aniston and Virgie Arthur by revealing a bit more dirt than the rote "Britney And Jamie Lynn Were Perfect Angels" tales (given the fact that they’re, um, not these days). We took a closer look at five of the most trash-talking tell-alls from stars’ estranged and/or envious relatives to whet our appetite in the meantime:

We don’t know about you, but the most surprising thing about hearing Courteney Cox’s FX show Dirt is being canceled was learning that it was still on the air. Sure, we recall the industry anticipation about yet another Friend comeback, the mildly intriguing pilot in which a cokehead actress overdoses in a bathtub, and then there was all that hullabaloo about the big lesbian makeout scene between Cox and Jennifer Aniston. But after getting all excited and finally watching the lukewarm peck, we gave up on the patchy attempt at nailing the current clusterfuck that is tabloid journalism these days. But as Cox told TV Guide at a benefit last night, the gig is up for good. The good news? Courteney and second fiddle husband David Arquette are planning to “all kinds of stuff” with their jointly run and oddly named production company, Coquette. Just as soon as David unlocks the bathroom door in which he’s been violently weeping all weekend. [TV Guide]

• Kate Moss stormed out of a party at Milk Studios in Chelsea because they wouldn't let her bring three friends into the bathroom, citing a "strict one-person-at-a-time policy." [P6]

Keep your insulin handy while having a look at the first trailer for Marley and Me, the screen adaptation of John Grogan's tearjerking best-seller about "live and love with the world's worst dog." Moreover, keep your eyes peeled for Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, clinging to their bit-playing, beach-trotting pride as the namesake puppy's owners — helpless against its mischief, impossible cuteness and promotional star power. Look for the first teaser posters to follow shortly, with the A-listers and their names but specks below the pooch and Marley's 300-point tagline: WATCH THE DOG YEARS FLY BY. We can't wait for Christmas! [Fox via Vulture]