A couple of weeks ago at the TCA cable press tour, FX president John Landegraf played it a little coy when he hinted that things on new offering Dirt would get better about five episodes into the season, but didn't indicate exactly what form the coming improvement would take. According to TV Guide.com, viewers who stick with the show a little longer will be treated to the kind of stunt-lesbianism usually reserved for more established series in need of a ratings boost:

It's always exciting when Forbes puts together a Hollywood list, for you know the wealth-obsessed monthly will eschew such abstract variables as "heat," "power" and "it-ness" for the very quantifiable metric of net worth in U.S. dollars. The "Forbes Top 20 Richest Women in Entertainment" report is a potent reminder that one needn't be in possession of a dangling manhood in order to amass a massive show business fortune (though the occasional eating disorder certainly doesn't appear to hurt). Your top ten:

• Jen and her recently refurbished rack are our new favorite celebrity couple. [Daily Mail via UsWeekly]
  

If the Emmys are the Oscars' paste-eating cousin, we're nearly at a loss for what familial metaphor to apply to last night's People's Choice Awards—perhaps the PCAs are its chain-smoking, lupus-afflicted aunt with an internet gambling problem. Last night's procession of winners offered some unsettling glimpses into the state of current American popular favor (three words: Favorite Group: Nickelback), interrupted occasionally by a truly creepy, cosmetics-sponsored complexion prize. (Congratulations, Sandra Bullock, on your sweet, OLAY Total Effects Award victory!) Favorite Female Movie Star Jennifer Aniston and Favorite Leading Man Vince Vaughn (as opposed to Favorite Male Movie Star Johnny Depp—a not-very-clever way to get two movie stars to show up), recognized for their prescient work in The Break-Up, were both on hand to accept. So was Cameron Diaz, who concluded a rambling acceptance speech on how much she loves her "job" with a lightly-encoded kiss-off to recent dump-in-a-box gifter Justin Timberlake, who appeared live via satellite:

As if Jennifer Aniston, the tabloids' Most Brittle Cover Girl, didn't have enough psychic pain to deal with following the end of her suspicious partnership with The Break-Up co-star and noted co-ed cuddle-bear Vince Vaughn, Us Weekly reports that the actress has been dealt a severe blow to her always tenuous emotional health (hey, read the glossies! She's one long-distance phone service commercial from a stay in the Fragile Stars Wing of Cedars Sinai) by the latest round of pictures of Shiloh Jolie Pitt, the genetically perfect offspring that ex-husband Brad Pitt should have put in her uterus, not that orphan-collecting homewrecker's. "Close pals" tell Us that Aniston has been so affected by the widely circulated images of Shiloh that "she collapses in a heap, clutching her womb like she's been stabbed if she so much as passes a baby stroller on the street," and has taken to "throwing baby dolls into a bonfire on the beach behind her place in Malibu. It's creepy, but she says it makes her feel better for a few hours." The friend, however, offers hope that Jen's heart is on the mend: "At least she's stopped watching Mr. & Mrs. Smith over and over again, for days at a time without eating or sleeping. That just wasn't healthy."

· Our complaining about Fox's non-embeddable "Bigfoot jerking off a unicorn" clip from Talkshow got results! It's now nestled above, allowing you to rewatch this compelling scene of one mythical creature manually manipulating the genitals of another, right here in this post!
We've had our fill of Nicole Richie news today, but TMZ kept digging and turned up a previous DUI arrest.
Dan Marino never takes losing well, especially when it's to a Teleprompter.
· Citizens of Washington DC: Have you raped any babies? Better hope not, because Jenna Elfman is coming, and she'll pull that ugly secret right out of you.
· At the behest of Us Weekly, Camille Paglia overthinks Jennifer Aniston.

Radar has dug up the blog of alleged Vince Vaughn cuddle-buddy Mallory Lane, the Texas sorority girl who Star speculated broke up Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston's relationship, inconsiderately ignoring the vital input of a team of very well-remunerated publicists and managers who undoubtedly helped the couple decide it might be time to seek their own paths. While Lane has so far resisted the impulse to yank down her blog in the midst of this controversy and rob the world of a travelogue of her European wanderings, it does appear that she removed a single sentence from a Monday entry indicating that she met Vaughn (pictured above) in Budapest, a piece of writing considerably more discreet than the CC: All Gamma Chi Deltas Sisters masterwork of shared cigarettes, Hungarian sunrise, and celebrity heavy petting Star previously shared with us.

Hey, bored this afternoon and armed with the technical know-how it takes to set up a free email account? Well, congrats: you are officially invited to participate in a fun round of Fuck With The National Enquirer. Those supersleuths came across a definitely not long for this world blog by one 'Mal Lane,' who seems to be the Trinity University student who shared something even better than sex — ;) — with Vince Vaughn, inciting the rage of tragic forever-singleton Jen Aniston. Well, the National Enquirer found an innovative way of contacting Mal: via the comments of her blog!

Our sleep last night was fitful and feverish, so tormented were we by the queasy feeling that we would awake this morning to discover that Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston's publicists had released a joint statement assuring their fans that despite the fact the two lovers would never again be seen in each other's company and forever maintain separate residences in different time zones, they were still very much committed to being a couple, robbing us of the sweet closure we desperately and naively hoped we'd achieved with yesterday afternoon's Page Six report of their break-up. Mercifully, Vaughn and Aniston's flacks have reached detente on the dissolution of their clients' relationship, confirming—exclusively!—to People that while the duo will presumably no longer engage in the strange acts of pantomimed intimacy they enjoyed during their year-long, tabloid-attracting association, they remain "good friends." Perhaps sleep will come more easily tonight.

Nyah nyah, Jen! Where's your Alamo Theatre Arts Council Globe Award for Lead Actress in a Comedy? Trinity University student Mallory Lane's got one, for her role in The Triumph of Love. The Triumph of Love, eh? Well, that's one way of putting what happened when the nubile co-ed (or whatever!) ran into Vince Vaughn during his recent stint in Budapest. Another way of putting it, per the email that Star reports Mallory sent to 20 of her Gamma sorority sisters?

It seems that a committee of interested publicists, agents, lawyers, producing partners, and film executives have finally decided that Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston can finally end their loose, unconvincing public association as a Hollywood power couple and pursue separate careers, as a "close friend of Aniston's" has told Page Six that the couple is "no longer romantically connected," freeing up both parties to seek out mutually beneficial partnerships with whatever future co-stars they so desire. Vaughn's camp is apparently already hard at work nurturing a new, hard-partying, swinging bachelor image, as Page Six points out that the tabloids have placed him in a Hungarian strip joint catering to fans of "explicit" exotic entertainment, complete with a report that one of the performers is ready to shop a tale about how the insatiable actor spent a king's ransom trying to test the limits of her ping-pong-ball-ejecting abilities. Meanwhile, we imagine that Team Aniston is bracing to combat a fresh round of stories that she spends her lonely days casting various reminders of yet another soulmate lost into a raging pity-bonfire on her stretch of Malibu beach by granting an immediate "JEN: I'M OK, REALLY" cover feature to whatever magazine offers the biggest headline font.

Here's a Hollywood split that no one was expecting. Oh, wait, except: everyone was expecting Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn to break up. In fact, we kinda thought they already had. After all, Star has been reporting for, like, a year that they have basically never seen each other. Today, Page Six confirms that they're no longer together, and spices up the news with a nugget about Vince cavorting with naked dancers in Budapest. We're still not really that interested! So long, Vincifer or Vaughniston or whatever we were supposed to be calling you. It's been real. Well, actually . . .

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world know about the time you couldn't help but notice Derek Jeter appreciating the aesthetically pleasing contours of Jessica Biel's ass during a visit to the Getty.

Not only are The Break-Up sweethearts (now available on DVD!) Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn not, as previously reported, broken up, they are so committed to their not-at-all-suspicious partnership that they've supplemented a recent Oprah appearance reaffirming their undying mutual devotion by having their lawyers personally deliver cease-and-desist papers to media outlets who might have hinted that Vaughn's commitment to their relationship (have we mentioned the movie is available in the exciting new HD DVD format?) is less that total. Retracts Page Six:

In case you were worried about America's Favorite Couple, we have some good news: They're still "together!" How do we know? Well, it's in Page Six!

America's profligate makers of undead cinematic fare may soon find their jobs outsourced to Pakistan's more efficient, burgeoning zombie-film industry, which recently produced Zibahkhana (Hell's Ground) quickly and cheaply with a 30-day, hi-def shoot. [Variety]
Universal picks up the dramedy Counter Clockwise, about a Harvard professor who attempts to reverse the aging process by making her subjects believe they're young, for Jennifer Aniston to produce and possibly star in. It's too soon to know who will eventually play the role of Aniston's love interest, with whom she will unexpectedly fall into a suspicious, real-life romance during shooting. [THR]
Sweeney Todd casting shocker! Tim Burton signs up muse/snuggle-buddy Helena Bonham Carter for the role of the musical's "diabolical meat pie-maker." [Variety]
· Dancing with the Stars continues to grow in popularity, getting its highest ratings of the season in the wake of contestant Sara Evans' abrupt, adultery-tinged exit from the show. [THR]
· Braveheart's Randall Wallace takes on the suicidal task of condensing Atlas Shrugged's 1,100 pages into a coherent screenplay. [Variety]

• It's official, still: Madonna bought a kid from his dad, filed papers for adoption, and saved Africa from the "evil eye." [AP]
• In a surprising move that suggests he actually gives a shit about making his marriage — and weekly allowance — last, K-Fed tells Britney that she can't have any male dancers in her new video. [Scoop]
• During yesterday's taping, Jennifer Aniston tells Oprah that she and Vince Vaughn are still an item. Oh please, baby Jesus, let this love last. [People]
• While trying to outrun paparazzi, Angelina Jolie's driver hits a teenager on a motorbike. Made the kid's day, actually. [E!]
• Sienna Miller forgets to bring ID to a Pittsburgh bar and resorts to pulling a Polonsky. [Page Six]
• We can't quite ascertain the relevance of the following, but did Eleanor Roosevelt chow box with Amelia Earhart? And can you say "chow box" in reference to historical figures? [R&M]
• Donald Trump ruins Palm Beach skyline with giant American flag. [Page Six]

Just when we thought we were finally ready to choose between the cutely conflated Vaughniston and Vaughnnifer nicknames that never really seemed to adequately represent the fusing of their public personas, Us Weekly is reporting that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, the on-screen/off-screen tabloid darlings who found suspicious, conveniently timed love on the set of The Break-Up, have called it quits. Upon hearing the news (which, like their recent engagement rumors, is still subject to a vigorous publicist denial), we were nearly too incapacitated with sadness to look up The Break-Up's DVD release date, but after we were through shattering every reflective surface in our home and the five-minute seizure resulting from the contemplation of this latest blow to the notion of romantic love subsided, we determined that it's due out on October 17th. We sincerely hope that the unwelcome publicity that is sure to surround the dissolution of their union doesn't harm the financial prospects of the movie, which regardless of its sell-through rate, will remain a beautiful cinematic testament to a relationship that burned too brightly.

Today's Page Six offers congratulations to Hollywood superflack Stephen Huvane, the dissembler-on-retainer the tabloids have on speed dial to satisfy all of their weekly Jennifer Aniston engagement denial needs, on his recent marriage to his longtime partner. And in what is certainly just a sincerely proferred wedding gift and not a kickback for tips about his stable of celebrity clients, the Sixies slip in a plug for the always-hustling publicist's blushing new brusband's artistic endeavors:

While it's been rumored for some time, a deal between Nike and Jennifer Aniston appears to be on the verge of signature. The deal, sources say, may be the largest sum ever paid by the sportswear company for a celebrity endorsement.