Not remembering that Jennifer Aniston's teenage love letters won't be up for sale until Friday, we got a little impatient and popped on over to eBay to look for them. Frankly, with so much money potentially at stake, we're surprised to find that only three go-getters are trying to capitalize so far. How hard it is to scribble a credible expression of one's ardor on a scrap on Charmin for a shot at an auction windfall? And we really admire the honesty of the guy who not only admits that his letters are fake, but went through the trouble of inserting himself into some pictures with Aniston anyway. He deserves more than the current high bid of $12.07 just for his note asking Jen to "Please leave the toilet seat up when you're done!"

A California lawyer is celebrating the lost love of his youth, a pre-fame, 15-year-old Jennifer Aniston, in the only way that makes sense in the internet era: by auctioning off all of his memories of their summer fling on eBay for a minimum of $100,000:

Page Six reports that an interview with Jennifer Aniston for Vanity Fair will finally solve the "mystery" of her break-up with Brad Pitt. And it wasn't because she didn't want to interrupt her career with a wombful of Pitt's freakishly perfect genes, because she totally wanted that:

We noticed this raging debate on the tabloid racks while buying our Sunday morning bottle of Mad Dog.
Why does US Weekly insist on tearing asunder what In Touch and Oprah are trying so hard to build?

While searching for some unclaimed assets, Banterist started plugging in the names of various celebrities into the database, emerging with an impressive list of actors who have money laying around at talent agencies, insurance companies, and studios. Because were are bad, mean-spirited people, we will seemingly-at-random-but-you-know-what-we're-getting-at select a couple of the celebs and list them below:

A picture of David Arquette and Courteney Cox Arquette posing for a friend's camera at baby Coco's christening landed in our inbox, say, a dozen times today, the payoff at the end of an endlessly forwarded e-mail seemingly originating from an interesting source. The internets will be lousy with the image* by the time we finish typing this sentence, but we're far more interested in the person who supposedly started the e-mail chain and the photo leak. Check out the breathless commentary from the e-mail forwards, then continue on after the jump to find out who's supposedly responsible for stimulating the internet's collective tingly parts:

A couple of stories of note from the weekend, which were not nearly compelling enough to halt our three-day Easter egg hunt:

The event-stalking folks at Open All Night celebrate the genius of the ShoWest prankster that put Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston at the convention on the same day:

Media-stalking sister site Gawker's been talking to their monkey again, who's been whispering sweet monkey-nothings in their ear about the strange comings and goings of the on-again-off-again, super-non-couple Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt.

There's breaking celebrity lesbian-related gossip-tossing on the Productshop NYC blog, which, refreshingly, doesn't involve one of the Desperate Housewives:

Some might say that the internet exists solely to streamline the distribution of porn and t-shirts that capitalize on the celebrity scandal du jour. Submitted for your approval: The "I Stole Brad" t-shirt, available for purchase before Jennifer Aniston has even unpacked a box at her hairdresser's house, and soon to appear by the dozens at a nightclub near you. The line also includes "The New Mrs. Pitt" and the wordier, far less effective "Brad Left Jen For Me." We won't be happy until the corresponding male shirt is availaible: "Of COURSE I fucked Angelina!"

·Natchiliagniaqtuguk Aapagalu and other movies from Sundance you're never going to pronounce correctly.
· Can't get enough of Owen Wilson Life Aquatic dick talk? Then the Datalounge has just the discussion thread for you.
· Even the make-up artist that J. Lo canned for leaking gossip cares about tsunami disaster relief.
· The Jennifer Aniston MySpace blog responds to our earlier link by pulling down "Jennifer Aniston's" statement about the break-up. That kind of authentic hissyfit totally makes us think the blog is real!

With so much rumor and innuendo swirling around in the wake of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's celebrity-marriage-paradigm-shifting break-up, there's only one place we can turn for reliable information: Jennifer Aniston's MySpace blog. While the couple has refrained from talking to the media, virtual Jen (449 friends in her network, a celebrity even in cyberspace) is candid about the dissolution of their relationship and their plans for the future:

Someone mentioned a couple of months ago that "Art Cooper and the Hilton Sisters" sounded like a nightclub act. On that note, from "10 New Indie-Rock Band Names Found in Cindy Adams' April 18 New York Post Column, 'Little-Known Facts, Well-Known Celebs'": Claire Danes' 3 A.M. Panic, Jennifer Aniston's Diet Sacrifice, Patricia Arquette's Slightly Buck Teeth. See also "10 New Hard-Core Band Names Found in Thomas Friedman's April 20 New York Times Column, 'The Third Bubble,'" (i.e., Will to Fight, Come to Threaten.)
Band names [Observer]

Michael Musto, experimenting with Ashtanga yoga these days, reports that Eminem tried out for a part in Larry Clark's upcoming film Ken Park but was rejected because he was "too old and buff for it." [More on Em later.] Musto also reports that opening night at The Slide consisted of Jennifer Aniston's Golden Globe dress sketches coming to life on men and "an open bar that brought out every last lush on earth. It was so crowded you couldn't see the forest for the Sky Room."
La Dolce Musto [Village Voice]

· Nicole Kidman's new best friend is rapper Q-Tip. [Page Six]
· Lizzie Grubman spotted at Bloomingdale's loudly instructing underlings to find her clothes in "size zero." [Page Six]
· World Health Organization suggests that Bloomberg's cigarette tax may be indirectly financing the current Iraqi regime. [Page Six]
· "21"a favorite New Year's spot for "cafe society"will be closed this year. Lotus owner, David Rabin is opening up a new clubacross the street. [Page Six]
· Celebrities are buying battery-powered cars, George Clooney announces that he "can't feel [his] legs" after several hours of drinking at the W on Lexington, and Jennifer Aniston gets whacked upside the head by a sidewalk Santa. [NY Daily News]