God help us. Tiger Woods wants to be alone with his cartoon porn. Miley Cyrus wants Kurt Cobain to be her boyfriend. Kim Kardashian wants everyone to look at her cleavage. Sunday gossip can't always get what it wants.

You might have heard already by JWOWW and Ronnie from Jersey Shore are writing a book about how to be a guido. Sorry, kids, but we beat you to the punch. Advice ahoy!

Next season, Jersey Shore goes to Miami Beach. But last season's exploits are about to go international. MTV is launching the show in more than 30 countries this week. Here's how they are selling this most American export abroad.

It was no shock that Snooki has naked photos on the internet, but we were a little surprised to hear that she may have been a part of a teenager's death.

MTV is having all their top moneymakers examined. Kate Gosselin hates the dancing stars in her galaxy. Corey Feldman is banned from Corey Haim's funeral. Martha Stewart can't get laid. Monday's gossip got up an hour late.

Angelina "Trash Bags" left Jersey Shore after three episodes. Even that short stint in the house has ruined her life, though: Three of her former cast mates have threatened her life and DJ Paulie D blew her off. Tragedy!

Seaside Realty in Seaside, NJ would like to remind you that the house from Jersey Shore is still available for nightly rentals. But you better hurry because every prom party in Jersey is headed there this spring!

Bookmark this post for the next time you're feeling down-in-the-dumps. Feel better—you're never going to be a stupid as the cast of Jersey Shore! Last night, they nationally broadcast their low intelligence by playing along with Jay Leno's game.

Since it was the most important sociological event of our time (and a ratings success) there will inevitably be dozens of new reality shows trying to rip it off. Just stop now. These are always horrible ideas.

And here I was going to end that headline with "...God Annoyed," but Jersey Shore is a gifts upon this universe. Admit it, you're glad nothing happened to them last night. The world is filled with enough awfulness as is.

All day hipster fashion photographer Terry Richardson has been tweeting out takes from his shoot with the guys of Jersey Shore for Interview magazine. If these guidos weren't in on their own joke to begin with, they are now.

[That's Sammi "Screech" Powers and the Snooki Monster, of PBS' "Bleak House," headed off to Los Angeles yesterday; image via INF]

Today at Gawker.TV, Jersey Shore kids dropped by The View, Stephen Colbert on NBC's Olympic suing spree, crazy bitches on The Bachelor reunion, Ricky Gervais and Jon Stewart contemplate a gay relationship, and Anthony Bourdain appears on Yo Gabba Gabba.

Jersey Shore is already so incredibly obvious that the jokes about it are just too easy and often unfunny. How does the porn movie based on the show measure up? It is both terrible and amazing. Safe(ish) for work!

Worlds collided today when The Situation, Pauly D, and Snooki did an interview on The View. The Jersey gang gave the ladies nicknames, Joy started "you're not real italians" drama, and Snooki stated she'd known since birth she'd be famous.

Jon Voight reunites with his long-estranged daughter for a family photo op. Hilary Duff flashes an engagement ring, Travis Barker slashes tires, Charlize joins Kabbalah, Jay-Z busts out his 'uh-oh' dance. Come and get your Monday gossip.

Anyone who compares Snooki's legs to a piano is a friend of mine. This real-life Jersey grandma is not only disgusted with the Jersey Shore cast's antics, she's also concerned they're going to get AIDs from the hot tub.

Snooki dreamed she could fly so (not) high; Pauly D dropped some philosophy; and Vinny schooled CNN. The Jersey Shore guidos took Twitter to a whole other level.

In news that isn't news, TMZ found un-aired footage of Ronnie Magro spewing some not-so-friendly homophobic epithets, taunting the guy he's about to throw down with before his first (but not last) fight. I guess they worked, because fisticuffs ensued.

[J. Woww, of the Connecticut Wowws, at Fashion Week today; image via Splash]