Please, stop telling us things we already know about the cast of the Jersey Shore. It's not surprising that Snooki has nude pictures or that Ronnie snorts coke. Here are the only really surprising things we could learn about them.

Today at Gawker.TV,Fox and Friends are forced to touch real body fat, highlights from the NBA Slam Dunk contest, Jersey Shore girls get made-over by Rachael Ray, anchorman gets attacked by pelican, and Cleveland pokes fun at cat ladies.

The scandalous and scantly dressed gals of Jersey Shore went to The Rachael Ray Show to get themselves a makeunder. Surprise, surprise: they mostly hate it.

The inevitable nude Snooki pics have finally made their way online and they are shockingly safe for work. The masterminds behind NakedSnooki.com promise more.

Several people sent us a Craigslist casting notice claiming they're casting new guidos for season two. We called the number and, guess what, it's faker than that rack JWOWW is sporting.

Gaga's dress gets messy in the snow, Jersey Shore's Vinny forgoes a surreal appearance at Yale. John Mayer apologizes for using the n-word. Amanda Bynes doesn't see why craving "chocolate" men is wrong. Thursday's gossip is white all over.

• Marc Jacobs says he's totally over having celebrities at his fashion shows because it's boring, and the only reason Lady Gaga and Madonna turned up to his show last year was because Gaga was performing at the after-party and Madonna, well, she just showed up. "She came backstage, and I was like, 'What do you do with her now?' Because it's not like she was invited." Somewhere, Madonna is burning all of her Marc Jacobs clothing. [P6]
• Rumors have been swirling recently that Ben Affleck fell off the wagon recently and is now drinking again. (He checked himself into rehab back in 2001.) On Monday, a bearded Affleck was spotted "cruising aimlessly" at the Chateau Marmont and "looking worse for wear." Uh oh. [NYDN]
• Tiger Woods mistress No. 1, Rachel Uchitel, has scored herself a job. A day after sitting down with Extra's Mario Lopez for an interview and now the show has hired her as its new nightlife correspondent. Just like hooker-turned-sex columnist Ashley Dupre, Uchitel is proving that you can make a big bunch of terrible decisions in life and come out ahead in the end, provided you have no shame and a burning desire to be famous. [P6]

• The Jay Leno Show ends its run tonight. It was actually scheduled to conclude on Thursday, but NBC moved it up to tonight to take advantage of the lead-in from The Biggest Loser. Make of that what you will. [NYT]
• Ellen DeGeneres takes Paula Abdul's seat on American Idol tonight. [LAT]
• The second season of Jersey Shore will be set in one of the few places in America that's cheesier than the Jersey Shore: South Beach. [Movieline]
• Were CNN's ratings so lousy last week that it sent Anderson Cooper and Sanjay Gupta back to Haiti in the hopes it would give the network a boost? Hey, it's a theory! (And from CNN's co-founder and former CEO, no less.) [HP]
• A Playboy shareholder has filed a class action lawsuit against the company, claiming Hugh Hefner's been sabotaging efforts to sell the company. [TMZ]
• Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit issue has been unveiled. It's the issue that keeps the lights turned on at SI, as you probably could have guessed. [MW]
• The White Stripes are kind of ticked off that the U.S. Air Force used one of its songs in a commercial that aired during the Super Bowl. [NYT]
• A Sopranos-themed musical is not coming to Broadway. Reassuring! [NYM]

Two reasons why Fashion Week may not be quite as exciting when it begins on Thursday: 1. The snowpocalypse (which begins tonight and is expected to last through tomorrow night) will likely leave lots of slush in its wake and make navigating the city in heels extremely unpleasant; and 2. MTV's decision to clamp down on appearances by the cast of Jersey Shore may mean that you won't get to see Snooki sitting front row next to Anna Wintour, after all.

Movieline has the great scoop that round two for the greatest sociological experiment of our time will take place in South Beach, Miami. MTV has already rented a house and is installing the duck phone right now!

• Lots of celebs turned out for the Super Bowl in Miami. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were there (and were spotted "kissing, hugging and laughing," so if you were worried that they'd broken up, you can rest easy). Also on hand was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (who were chased by photographers), Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, and John Travolta, who couldn't even be bothered to stay for the entire game. [DM, The Sun, Popeater]

• Is the cast of Jersey Shore getting a little overexposed? Just a little! MTV is now looking to clamp down on their efforts to "pimp themselves" at bars and colleges around the country and has informed them that they're each limited to two appearances a week and need permission from the network before accepting any gigs. [P6, NYDN]

• In other Jersey Shore news, Jenni "JWoww" Farley is planning to "enhance" her ginormous fake boobs "as soon as possible to be ready for the new season," you'll be pleased to hear. [P6]

Did Brangelina's presence make the Saints win, or was it Kim Kardashian's tight end? Beyonce falls during a concert, Dr. Murray makes a creepy visit to Jacko's tomb, Carrie Prejean gets engaged. Monday gossip is done preserving its purity.

Now that we've resigned the future of printed literature to picture books for adults, we might as well get some good ones: Hipster Puppies are exactly what they sound like. SnookiShop needs to be experienced to be fully appreciated, however.

Snooki accepted $10,000 to make an appearance at a wing-eating competition in Philadelphia. Philadelphians in the crowd, known for their class and gentle demeanor, booed her heartily. Snooki responded by flipping-off the camera on live TV.

• It looks like Madonna and Jesus Luz haven't broken up after all. The singer and her Brazilian boy toy attended the London premiere for Tom Ford's A Single Man on Monday night and "they were all over each other" and "kissing in front of everyone," according to people who were there. So if they have broken up, well, they have a funny way of showing it. [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan isn't a hoarder because she has a shopping problem; it's because "a lot of it is gifted," says Dina Lohan. LiLo and her mom/party pal say they plan to donate a lot of Lindsay's "stuff" to charity and the public will be able to buy some of it on their website. So head over to lohanhouse.com in case ripped leggings and Red Bull-stained clothing is your thing. [People]
• Tiger Woods is a free man: After a month in sex rehab, he's reportedly flown home to Florida with his wife. So consider yourself warned. [Radar]
• Since things didn't work out too well with Brad, Vince, or John, Jennifer Aniston has decided that she "wants to be set up with a wealthy businessman, not a celebrity," at least according to an anonymous "insider." Somebody call Millionaire Matchmaker's Patti Stanger. Stat! [Us]

Two female bloggers were browsing ChatRoulette, an anonymous videochat site, and who should show up but the men of Jersey Shore: "lol were the cast of that shit. google search us." UPDATE: A cruel fake!

Betty White, grandmother to the world, lit up The Insider tonight as a guest panelist. White chimed in on John Edwards and Tiger Woods, identified half-naked men by their abs, fist pumped and even tore Kanye West a new one.

MTV has a poll up with some rather horrible suggestions for where they should film the ill-fated second season of the most important sociological experiment of our time. Sorry, but these just won't do. We have some better ideas.

Oh, Snooki, you should stick to your day job—whatever that may be. Because professional rockstar interviewer just isn't your calling. While interviewing Phoenix, she runs out of material after question one: "Have you heard of Jersey Shore?"

• As if Lindsay Lohan didn't have enough problems in her life, it seems she's a "secret hoarder," too. In an interview with the Style Network's Niecy Nash, LiLo's shows all her "stuff," which includes a bedroom filled with shoe boxes and a living room that's been turned into a giant closet. On the plus side, if Sam Ronson ever goes missing, at least the police will know where to start looking. [Us, DM]
• Tiger Woods is supposedly leaving sex rehab in Mississippi by the end of this week, which means he's changed his ways or he's planning on playing in a golf tournament in Arizona in two weeks and he's not going to let his compulsive sexual habits get in the way of that. Elin Nordegren has already flown down to pick him up. Just so there isn't an incident involving a flight attendant in the first-class lounge on the way home. [Radar, NYP]
• Season three of the Real Housewives of New York debuts next month and now word comes that creepy couple Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen may be booted before season four. It's supposedly because "viewers don't have a positive reaction to them" and Simon threw a fit when he found out he wasn't going to be paid as much as the housewives because, well, he's not a housewife, although you're excused if you thought otherwise. [NYDN]
• Precious star—and Academy Award nominee—Gabourey Sidibe would really, really like for Justin Timberlake to be her Oscar date. So, Jessica Biel, if you could step aside and make it happen, that would be great. [People]
• Jon Stewart sat down with Bill O'Reilly last night. Highlights here. [Gawker]