• Donald Trump seizes the moral high ground once more by purchasing the S&M undergarment Rosie O'Donnell wore in that movie with the posters that terrified you as a child and sending it to Barbara Walters' office. [Page Six]
  

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, and your tenth sighting gets a free selection from our pastry case! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and give Macaulay Culkin's My Girl love interest Anna Chlumsky serious cause for concern.

· Whatever you do, don't go here if you don't want to know how Sanjaya is going to wear his hair on tonight's Idol.
· With her career not going so well that she felt comfortable spending a large sum of money on some orphans to bring back home, Jessica Simpson donates a van she didn't pay for to a Mexican orphanage instead.
· A Transformers screenwriter on why Megatron won't change into a gun: "That would be the equivalent of Darth Vader turning into his own lightsaber and someone else swinging him around." Good point!
· Tiny movie pirates infiltrate Jack Valenti's brain, induce stroke in sworn enemy.
· Watch out, Bindi! Behind you!

The Hole - video powered by Metacafe
Inspired by yesterday's candid photos of Britney Spears taken just moments after a sensual, romantic encounter with Paris Hilton's heated bucket seat, WebJunk.tv shares a video of Jessica Simpson introducing her performance of "God Bless America" (we think—we actually didn't hear a word she said), and captured by an enthusiastic amateur in the crowd who maximized his camera's zooming feature by dizzyingly returning over and over to the singer's plainly visible undercleavage. It's a touching video keepsake, rendered even more precious by mercifully stopping short of Simpson's actual singing, and with her fur-trimmed Santawear, sure to enhance any e-mail greeting cards you may be putting together this holiday season.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and contribute to what could possibly turn into a perfect Terms of Endearment star-spotting trifecta:

It's the day before Thanksgiving, so we're damned if we're going to bother to do, you know, any real reporting on this one, but a well-placed source tells us that former Jessica Simpson flack Rob Shuter "has been consulting for [marginally less sophisticated InTouch celeb weekly] OK!." We've no idea if the rumor is true, but the current issue includes the following item:

• Jessica Simpson addicted to online dating. Joe Simpson wants to know if it's Nerve or Match.com. [China Daily]
  

If we were to tell you that a marketing research firm dedicated considerable resources to determining the values of 46 discrete personality attributes for nearly three thousand celebrities, and that one of the categories their study sought to measure was "overexposure," we'd wager that you could rattle off with hardly any effort at least ten of the top 12 scorers. (We'd never ask you to actually follow through on this exercise, but should you get the urge to sacrifice no more than five neurons to this test of mental rigor, be our guest.) In their story on this breakthrough scientific examination of exactly how sick we are of seeing the same dozen or so famous faces over and over again, Forbes examines the test case presented by Jessica Simpson (#12, 41% overexposure rating), who progressed from the humble beginnings of Britney Spears (#2, 62%) clonedom to the kind of recent ubiquity that makes it all but impossible to crack open a fortune cookie without seeing her image alongside a Confucian aphorism altered to relate to the dropping of her latest album:

• NB to Jessica Simpson: Might we suggest a new top coat? Some sort of Sally Hansen extra-life type product? [OAN]
• No plans tonight? Go check out Observer founder and editorial director Arthur Carter's sculpture show, and see what's so much more important than his little peach paper. Bring a recorder, and make sure you get tape of Jared Kushner dissing the art. [Salander]
• Oh, this is rich: Are Mark Foley and Eve Ensler all that different? You challenge us so, David Brooks. [TimesSelect]
• Speaking of Foley: JUST KIDDING! IT WAS ALL A BIG JOKE! [Wonkette]
• Actress Sharon Stone, best known for her role in Police Academy 4, is rumored to be canoodling with Jared Leto. We're not sure we buy it, but the mental picture is amusing enough. [LSE]
• Won't someone help Julia Allison have a threesome? If only so she can stop using her Silver Bullet vibrator? [Glamour]
• Vanity Fair defies rumor and, instead of Borat, puts George Clooney on the cover. To be fair, they're both equally ridiculous characters. [FishbowlNY]
• We know that "Britney Spears Loses Custody of Child to 'In Touch' Magazine" is an Onion headline, but we fail to see the parody. [The Onion]

• Naomi Campbell sends a judge into a fit when she fails to show for her court date regarding that incident when she chucked her BlackBerry at her maid's head. He was further angered to learn that prosecutors had not sought a bench warrant for the supermodel's arrest, but softened when prosecution explained that it was just because they didn't want to endanger any police officers. [NYDN]
• BREAKING: Jessica Simpson is cranky! Bitchy! Barfy! Human! [Page Six]
• More on Jack Nicholson's dildo. [R&M]
• Stocking up for a long flight from JFK, the Olsen twins buy "a big bag of beef jerky, three large rolls of LifeSavers, two packs of gum and a copy of every tabloid magazine." That plane's poor toilets. [Lowdown]
• American Media Inc. is actually upset that Katie Couric didn't mention that they had an employee die from anthrax. [Page Six]
• We ignored it yesterday, but Avril Lavigne has now made a habit of regularly spitting on photographers. You, young lady, are no Canadian! [TMZ]

[Jessica and Ashlee Simpson] will reap the dismal crops they are sowing. Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither and they will be left with nothing but a hollow shell.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so start sending them in more often! Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you heard the voice of Roger Rabbit bringing some laughter and light to the lives of the downtrodden patrons of a Starbucks in the Valley.

• After her recently fired flack Rob Shuter planted less-than-true items about her non-relationship with John Mayer, Jessica Simpson goes on serious damage control, placing personal phone calls to the celebrity weekly editor posse and apologizing for making everyone look like dumbasses. People editor Larry Hackett, however, didn't take the call. Time Inc. is a very "talk to the hand" kind of place. [Radar]
• Alas, the court documents pertaining to the separation of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown aren't half as interesting as their show (speaking of: if ever there were a time to bring that shit back, it'd be now). And lest you forget, there's actually a 13-year-old daughter involved here, who's probably been wandering the streets for months. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Roger Friedman fondly remembers the days of "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." [Fox411]
• The death of Anna Nicole Smith's son is being deemed "suspicious;" Smith herself didn't remember what happened, having gone into shock. [Reuters]
• Harvard likes its money, and the school doesn't care where it came from. Thus they won't be giving back alleged hebephile Jeffrey Epstein's $6.5 million donation. You know how it goes: as long as the dollar bills aren't sticky... [Page Six]
• Crazy old coot Dr. Laura believes that "women act like unpaid whores," and she's right. Get paid, bitches! Don't do that GGW crap for free! [Page Six]

• Kevin Federline on his new baby boy: "Man, I'm a father again!" Our thoughts exactly, dude. Time to double-bag that shit. [Page Six]
• Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter is back to smoking. Welcome home, punkin. [Radar]
• When you talk about Nicole Richie's anorexia it, like, stresses her out, and she loses her appetite. So this is all your fault. [IMDb]
• Paris Hilton and Travis Barker suck face. The stars are indeed blind, and falling fast. [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell forgets to pay his AmEx Black card bill. [Page Six]
• We'd no idea a millionaire no-talent pop star could even be in crisis, but apparently Jessica Simpson is rising from the ashes. Relatively speaking, of course. [Us Weekly]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so start sending them in more often! Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you spotted Jessica Simpson swooping back into town after a reinvigorating bass-fishing expedition.

• As you may have heard, obscure actress Lindsay Lohan's Birkin bag was stolen at Heathrow airport, and its contents included $1 million in jewelry as well as her "medication." Thankfully, the Birkin has now been recovered, thought its contents seem to still be missing. No biggie: she can always restock on "asthma powder," but scoring that Birkin was a pain in the ass. [TMZ]
• Restalyne: Jessica Simpson's secret shame! [Us Weekly]
• With a little too much time on his hands, former asswipe House Majority Leader Tom DeLay has taken to devoting his energies to campaigning for Dancing With the Stars contestant Sara Evans, a country singer who "represents good American values." Like reality television dance-offs. [Page Six]
• Rev. Al Sharpton, however, is totally rooting for Tucker Carlson. Okay, what the fuck is going on here? Why this show? Why now? Why, at all? [Lowdown]
• Regarding Judy Garland: "Bright sunlight, like running out of Ritalin, made her blown up and lobster-skinned." Way to ruin the gay dream. [R&M]
• You know what? Christopher Reeve totally deserved it. [Page Six]

Do you hear that? It's the sound of uncontrollable cackling, and it's coming from the office of every magazine editor in town. The rampant joy comes courtesy of Britflack Rob Shuter, famous for helping Paris Hilton negotiate the murky waters of getting her ass sued by Zeta Graff, who has been dumped by his prized client Jessica Simpson.

• Why does Suri Cruise look so freaking weird? Because she's everyone's baby, a child of the whole wide world. Makes you feel fuzzy, don't it? [Defamer]
• Jessica Simpson and John Mayer aren't a couple, and that might have something to do with his relationship requirements: lots and lots of phone sex. It helps if your name is Misty. [RS]
• Total Eclipse of the Heart causes Belgians' eardrums to explode. The song is just that good. [Consumerist]
• For NYU students: how to fuck up your suicide attempt. [Wikihow]
• The Corcodevil is going for $50 off — now you only have to fork over $150 to look Satan in the eye and ask why you've been forced to buy in Bushwick. [NYT]
• Only 21% of reviews were hot for Katie Couric's first newscast. Let's see what she wears tonight, shall we? [Journalism]

• The animal kingdom embraces the death penalty, celebrates the demise of Steve Irwin. [Daily Gut]
• OMG KATIE COURIC TONIGHT OMG CBS OMG LEGS.
• John Travolta: gaygaygaygay. [National Post]
• Did Jessica Simpson lip-sync on today's episode of The View? Is that why we were kind of digging it? [BWE]
• Preteen Observer publisher Jared Kushner knows when to pull punches: when advertisers are involved, obviously. Go ahead, son, you can admit it. [The Real Deal]
• The New Yorker gets polybagged, and nary a sideboob to show for it. [Living With Legends]
• The Lower East Side and East Village become sprinkled with random instances of public art. One man projected his video art onto Ludlow Street, where a dickbag might conveniently vomit on said artistic efforts. [Metro]
• After being charged with five counts of posession of just about everything, junkie Brit rocker Pete Doherty dodges the slammer after a judge admits to liking one of his songs. You know, here in the States, at least our justices pretend to be impartial to Snoop Dogg lyrics... [Daily Mail]
• Starbucks: terribly indie, boho. [Copyranter]
• Steely Dan turns towards indier-than-thou director Wes Anderson. Only classic rock can help him. [Steely Dan]
• Meachem, Newsweek, official, newsweeklies, yawn, dentures, blahblahblah. [Reuters]
• Fake hipsters hate on fake hipsters behind web show The Burg. It's the circle of post-post-life. [The Burg]
• R.I.P. Willi Ninja. [Keith Boykin]