Divine Florida Gators quarterback and bona-fide Christian soldier Tim Tebow has everyone riled up about his upcoming anti-abortion Super Bowl ad. The arguing's unnecessary. You're only hurting yourself, Timmy. America's not ready for a Jesus Freak Superstar.

In your mawkish Monday media column: James Dobson coming to your sexxxy radio dial, a rumor of perfidy at McGraw-Hill, an editor passes away, and Larry King and Pete Wentz team up to save Haiti.

Here's a brilliant flip book of Super Mario, re-imagined as Jesus, kicking ass and taking names. Even the princess isn't safe from a brutal kick to the face.

How is the American economy supposed to limp its way back towards some pitiful semblance of prosperity when every time a city has a nice space that would be perfect for a cash-earning business, woops, a church just stole it?

South Park might not have existed had it not been for the corporatism of Christmas. Here's a look at two paramount characters that have been around since the beginning: A maker of toys and a fisherman of souls.

What is this we spy with our jaded eye? It is a new Mark Penn patented Microtrend column. We have not forgotten you, Mark Penn, you shady, shady character! Today, Mark Penn explains why god is dumb.

Just when you think Maury has run out of angles for paternity shows, he goes and dazzles us again. Ptorsha and the Black Albino are his guests, and also the title of an unpublished Roald Dahl book.

War on Christmas Central: The New York City arts scene. Gays, pervs, race-mixers. Jesus Christ.

The annual Heathen War on Christmas is in full swing. Sexxxy cat woman Andrea Peyser has identified the key perpetrators: "Lawyers & jerks." But Andrea Peyser has also found Christian Christmas' savior: some shouty little kid.

Really? An iron? This Massachusetts woman who was "down on her luck" sees an image of Jesus in her iron and everything magically becomes better. Here's to hoping her lord and savior can pay off credit-card debt!

The Way We Live Now: Same as ever. Hard times have been around for years now! But nobody was paying attention. The Christians were fighting unions and the yuppies were building dream homes and everyone else? Peanut butter jelly time.

Homos park on Noah's Ark? We all owe fundamentalists a big apology. [The Inspiration Room via Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]

A play called Jesus, Queen of Heaven, about the bearded one wanting to take a walk on the wild side, hitch up his/her robes, paint his/her nails and become Jesus-ina or whatever is upsetting christians.

Damn, the economy's getting to everyone these days. Even the lord and savior of a bunch of people, Jesus Christ (33), who apparently endorsed Riverview Community Bank only to see it shut down, reports Minneapolis' Citypages. Holy shit, holy bummer.

Incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian: Just when you're trying to ignore him, his outbursts interrupt an ABC newsman trying to interview fraudulent faith healer Benny Hinn. Twice. Ronn is such an asshole he embarrasses Benny Hinn. Watch and be amazed.

The deadly Mexican Pig Flu's dirtiest deed yet: Coming between you and the literal body and blood of Christ. You will pay dearly for this, heathen microbe.

In your unforgettable Friday media column: Creativity magazine folds, a high school paper bravely outs its school's Jesus-tainted food supply, medical journals are full of ghostwriters, and the WaPo's most infamous marketer resigns.

These news anchors just love to laugh and chuckle and mock Rod Blagojevich's new book where he compares himself to Jesus. Guess who was also mocked, by primitive Roman "news anchors"? Jesus the first. And history repeats.

Once upon a time Denis Beausejour was a wealthy ad exec at the world's largest advertiser, P&G. But guess what: he was also a major sex addict. Luckily now he has found Jesus and shared his sexy redemption story.

You just have to admire the set on John Ensign. The C Street Republican who had his parents to pay $96,000 in hush money to his mistress is now saying that his affair broke no laws, unlike Bill Clinton's.