Republicans officials recognize that the country is hurting. They were very clear today, after the invitation to their election night event leaked, that they will not be "partying" there. They will just have a huge event at the Grand Hyatt.

Yesterday a blogger accused House Minority Leader John Boehner of having an affair with a lobbyist. Today, Page Six reports the Times is working on a Boehner affair exposé. Will this turn into a speculative free-for-all a la David Paterson?

D.C. blogger Mike Stark is circulating a video where he accuses House Minority Leader John Boehner of sleeping with a lobbyist—whom he names. Armed with a flipcam, Stark filmed his ambush at today's Pledge to America press conference.

Here we go, America! House Republicans have finally leaked their long-promised platform for the midterm elections, called the "Pledge to America." They're formally unveiling it today at a Virginia hardware store. Let's do a quick lil' run-through, shall we?

Democrats are pushing this scary new ad about lobbyist-loving golf whore John Boehner, the House minority leader who could become Speaker. But is Boehner well-known enough to be an effective bogeyman for the Democrats this fall? Probably not.

Beautifully tanned House minority leader John Boehner strangely went off-message on CBS' Face the Nation yesterday, by apparently agreeing to Barack Obama's plan for extending certain Bush tax cuts. What is wrong with him?

Face the Nation host Bob Schieffer laid into Rep. John Boehner today for smoking. Bob thinks John should give it up to "set a good example for the country." He proposed that Boehner and Obama could try quiting together. Aw.

Today at Gawker.TV, Larry King and Ryan Seacrest perform Lady Gaga's "Poker Face," Ellen Degeneres announces the Late Show's Top Ten list, and Tim Gunn expresses his distaste for Condé Nast and the people who enable Anna Wintour.

Ohio Congressman John Boehner wants the White House to focus not on what he's saying, but on top priority issues facing our country. So what does Good Morning America's George Stephanopoulos want to discuss? Boehner's bitchin' tan!

Man, Obama was fired up today during his speech to a union festival in Milwuakee. Sure, he announced a big $50 billion infrastructure initiative, which is important. But he also went after his political opponents with uncharacteristic glee.

Tonight, a freshly-shaved Jon Stewart talked about the fact that Republicans are simultaneously complaining about the nation's deficit and fighting to extend Bush's tax cuts (which, if ended, would reduce said deficit by 30%). Inside, video of the smackdown.

Rep. John Boehner has obviously been working on his tan this summer, but besides that he appeared on Meet The Press today and said a repeal of the 14th Amendment, which provides citizenship to anyone born here, is "worth considering."

House minority leader John Boehner understands the unemployment situation on a very personal level. Three of his eleven siblings, he says, lost jobs during this recession. But he doesn't know if they've found new ones! Maybe he should call them?

Page Six hears that John Boehner has had to warn a cadre of Republican congressmen about being party pals with or flirting counterparties to lobbyists, due to the important upcoming election. Why does John Boehner hate fun with sexy ladies?

Oh look, 24 hours have passed, so House minority leader John Boehner should have endorsed some new, unworkable policy idea in bad faith by now. And he has: a moratorium on new federal regulations for an entire year, specifically. Really?

It's unclear which illustrious message guru signed off on "Repeal Wall Street Reform" as the new Republican strategy going forward, but it's out of the cage now, before the final vote even takes place. Again: "Repeal Wall Street Reform."

Today at Gawker.TV, Cody Gifford is embarrassed by Kathie Lee on Today, Stephen Colbert makes fun of John Boehner's orange skin, the science of "man smacks," Bethenny Frankel realizes that her clothes don't fit her pregnant body.

Obama's accusations about John Boehner being "out of touch" led Stephen to realize that Snooki isn't the only one to be hit hard by the upcoming tanning tax. Is it racist because the House minority leader is a "Tangelo-American?"

Rise up—it's Tanning Salon Tax Day! All across America, men and women are being persecuted for their choice of skin tone by that commie Barack Obama. Hands off our tan lines, and pass the Banana Boat© spf 0!

Joe Scarborough really hates House minority leader John Boehner. At least that's what came across on today's edition of Morning Joe, when he relentlessly pushed a Politico reporter into confirming his suspicion that Boehner is Washington's laziest barfly.