Used to be Angelina Jolie showed everyone she was a wild angel by allowing the actor Billy Bob Thornton to perform acts of coitus with her and having a godawful dragon tattoo. Now that she's more mature, she has to dream up new ways to subvert our perceptions—of what a bride should wear on her wedding day; of what is and is not appropriate to do with the actor Billy Bob Thornton.

People reports that newlywed actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will spend their honeymoon in Malta shooting "an intimate, character-driven" drama. Here is People's one sentence-description of the plot of that drama:

Mel Gibson gets dropped by his talent agency. Ryan Seacrest picks up the tab. Lindsay Lohan won't be able to smoke in prison. James Franco dishes on fake sex with Julia Roberts. Saturday's gossip roundup looks like a Vegas Whore.

• Nearly three years ago, Lindsay Lohan scrawled "Scarlett [Johansson] is a bloody cunt" on a bathroom wall at the Dark Room on the Lower East Side. Allure finally asked Johansson about the incident: "I don't know what the motivation was behind that. I remember it was something really vulgar—I mean, shockingly so, like 'Whoa, what, who are you?'"

• Madonna has her own Kabbalah counselor on staff to help her deal with her anger at soon-to-be-ex husband Guy Ritchie, who is just a terrible gold digger or something. A gold-digging famous movie director who hangs out with Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. It's sad, really.

• Britney Spears gave her first sit-down interview in two years to OK!, which will publish its piece Friday. The singer also made some fairly charming promos for the MTV Video Music Awards with show host Russell Brand, the British comedian.

The suspicious birth of Suri Cruise was met with a local outbreak of the bubonic plague, so we can't say we're all that surprised that another monumental celebrity infant arrival was met with a fresh wave of pestilence. The death toll should stop at three, however, as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie rush to the outbreak site, knowing that exposure to the Chosen One will immediately cure those afflicted with the mystery disease.