And by “hit,” we mean go to “couples counseling with.” You heard right: hot on the heels of Britney’s triumphant/manufactured MTV comeback, the National Enquirer is reporting that she and K-Fed are “undergoing couples counseling to rebuild their relationship in the hopes that they can raise their two sons as a family.” What’s more, “part of their therapy involves going on formal dates and Britney is so excited. She’s never stopped loving Kevin or hoping they’d get back together.” While we appreciate any occasion for K-Fed to wear his "fancy" trucker hat, and further, are pleased for young Sean Preston and Jayden James, we still think getting back together might be a mistake.Remember several years ago when Britney was fairly normal and we were all horrified that she hooked up with a total douche like K-Fed? Well, Britney is the most normal she’s been since then—she’s in good shape, she’s hard at work on a new album, she’s kind of got an acting thing kinda going—and getting back with Federline could derail all that. In fact, it could be argued that her relationship with K-Fed is what sent her into a downward spiral in the first place, so we just hope this therapist knows what he’s doing. In the meantime, we’re gonna hold out hope for Justin Timberlake to dump Jessica Biel, kick K-Fed’s ass to the curb, and get back with Britney so they can regain their crown as the king and queen of uptempo-R&B-flavored teen dance pop. Thank you. [Photo Credit: Getty Images]

[Photo Credit: X17]

· In addition to providing entertaining footage of drunk chicks puking on Hollywood sidewalks, last night's TMZ TV debut blew the lid off what Maddox Jolie might be eating for lunch at his fancy-pants school.
· Learn more about Leave Britney Alone Guy, whose YouTube clip is rapidly approaching a million views and has inspired a new fragrance.
· Rosie O'Donnell thinks it's time for someone to grab a throw pillow from The View's sofa and hold it over a napping Barbara Walters' face until she slips off into retirement.
· K-Fed: This acting stuff is dope, yo.

"Play with fire," K-Fed whispers into your ear, passing you a poker chip. You're at Search With Kevin. The Britney ex's search site is powered by the hopefully-embarrassed Prodégé search company. "Every time you search the web you stand a chance of winning a prize from Kevin Federline. It's that simple. Really." It's that simple? Really? Oh, you always had such a way with words, Kevin! What could I win? Oh boy! I could win your autograph! On a photo! Or — or even a t-shirt! My god, I'll never use Google again! — NICK DOUGLAS

Kevin Federline, the King of Formerly Kept Background Dancing Pimps, has been enjoying an unprecedented amount of solo time in the limelight since Nationwide's decision to make him the star of their Super Bowl ad . (At $2.6 million per spot, that's roughly $87k per Federline fry-scooping second). Responding to accusations that the ad somehow denigrated America's hard-working food service workers, Federline issued an apology. Why, exactly, we're not entirely sure—but, hey, look who's in the headlines again!:

We'll spare you the text of the publicist pitch that informed us that Taco Bell, like some kind of buzz-vulture feasting on the marketing carrion of another corporate predator's pop-culture kill, intends to get its own piece of the recent "controversy" over exhousehusband-for-hire Kevin Federline's much-discussed commercial for Nationwide insurance, in which a deeply offended fast-food community has loudly protested the upcoming denigration of a proud vocation during the Superbowl; suffice it to say that the attached photograph sums up the entire campaign concept in a single, tidy image. But should you desire to feel the sweet prick of the second spork-prong of Taco Bell's publicity attack, the letter containing their Fearless Gordita-Pushing Leader's formal offer of a one-hour shift working the sour cream gun follows after the jump:

• K-Fed watches himself on screen, wonders how he can be in there if he's over here. [People]
  

• African baby collector Madonna decides to cut crucifixion from NBC special, will flush Koran down toilet instead. [Page Six]
  

• It's good that you changed the title of that piece. But are you sure that insensitive title is completely gone? [Village Voice]
  

• Thanks to Madonna, a Malawian boy can now look forward to a life of bad food, gloomy weather and falling short in international sporting contests. Hope he enjoys the in-flight champagne and prawns. [Guardian]
  

• Hilary Duff and Joel Madden are seeking a restraining order against a 19-year-old Russian man who, they believe, came to the states "for the sole purpose of meeting and becoming romantically involved with Ms. Duff." Christ, Lizzie, don't flatter yourself. [TMZ]
• After Alec Baldwin was photographed yelling at a police officer on the scene of that inconvenient Cory Lidle plane crash, he then headed over to the Grand Havana Room to berate the ESL crowd. [Page Six]
• Dixie Chick Natalie Maines still thinks that "Bush is a dumb fuck." [R&M]
• A Telepictures interview with John Mark Karr, the creepy freak who falsely claimed to have killed JonBenet Ramsey, was too disgusting for Good Morning America. Karr was paid for the interview, given six drinks beforehand, and told that it was just a run-through, though it wasn't. The dubious situation is perfect for the Today show, wh ich bought the footage. [Page Six]
• K-Fed says his kids come first. Aw, shit, K-Fed — you one funny playa! [People]

• It's official, still: Madonna bought a kid from his dad, filed papers for adoption, and saved Africa from the "evil eye." [AP]
• In a surprising move that suggests he actually gives a shit about making his marriage — and weekly allowance — last, K-Fed tells Britney that she can't have any male dancers in her new video. [Scoop]
• During yesterday's taping, Jennifer Aniston tells Oprah that she and Vince Vaughn are still an item. Oh please, baby Jesus, let this love last. [People]
• While trying to outrun paparazzi, Angelina Jolie's driver hits a teenager on a motorbike. Made the kid's day, actually. [E!]
• Sienna Miller forgets to bring ID to a Pittsburgh bar and resorts to pulling a Polonsky. [Page Six]
• We can't quite ascertain the relevance of the following, but did Eleanor Roosevelt chow box with Amelia Earhart? And can you say "chow box" in reference to historical figures? [R&M]
• Donald Trump ruins Palm Beach skyline with giant American flag. [Page Six]

• Us Weekly "breaks the news" that Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston have split, noting that the relationship soured shortly after the late-June engagement. The same engagement that Us announced and Aniston denied, coincidentally. But who cares? Now there's meaty quotes from "insiders" and "close friends," and you can't argue with that sort of evidence. [Us Weekly]
• Paris and some other skank claw each other's eyes out. For the record, we fully support the yanking of weaves. [TMZ]
• If Kevin Federline and Britney Spears get divorced, he'll get $10 million. So unless Brit's 4-weeks pregnant again, expect K-Fed to be fucking Vegas hookers every weekend. It's win-win. How is that God so brightly smiled upon this guy? [Page Six]
• ABC shelled out six-figures in "licensing fees" to Crocodile Widow Teri Irwin, just so Barbara Walters could fly to Australia and piss off the locals. [R&M]
• Now that Jacob the Jeweler is facing charges of money-laundering, very few of his hip-hop clients are coming forward to support him. Wonder why. [Lowdown]
• Former Miss Seventeen contestant Brianna Burrows scored an internship with the magazine but left the gig "traumatized." She also claims EIC Atoosa Rubenstein threatened her, and 21-year-old Burrows is now prepping a legal team — just the kind of youth empowerment we like to hear about. [Page Six]

• With his second seed born just weeks ago, Kevin Federline takes to Vegas for a weekend of binge-drinking, banquette-dancing, and trying to forget that he actually married to Britney Spears. [Page Six]
• Democratic congressional candidate Kirsten Gillibrand enlists Oscar-winner David Strathairn to act like Ed Murrow in her campaign video. Fantasy politics are the next big thing. [R&M]
• Star Jones and Al Reynolds finally get the hint and leave Manhattan, opting for Speedo-friendly Miami. Al just loves South Beach. [Page Six]
• Larry Birkhead, the photographer who claims to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child, files a paternity suit after Smith's pseudo-husband/lawyer Howard K. Stern tells Larry King that he's the father. We know the woman has money, but why is everyone so eager to get credit for fucking her? Seriously, it's no grand achievement. [TMZ]
• Mark Foley just doesn't understand why a bunch of naked kids would be in a hot tub and not think to invite him. [Lowdown]

• Hey, got a second? Good, take a seat. We've got some distressing news for you, so brace yourself: Kevin Federline's unforgettable first single, "PopoZ o," will not be included on his debut album. We don't understand it either. It's just too soon to see something so great die; sob... [Idolator]
• At a book party he hosted for Arianna Huffington, former Viacom CEO Tom Freston threw FishbowlNY blogger Dylan Stableford out of his apartment. Aw. Jim Kelly would NEVER do that! [FishbowlNY]
• GQ editor leaves in favor of being in charge of big boobs at Penthouse. [Radar]
• Speaking of Huffington: if there were only 24 hours before the End of the World, she would blog. Someone get this lady outside, please. [92Y]
• Meet Dethroner, the smart boy blog from Gawker Media alum Joel Johnson, formerly of Gizmodo and performer of other ass-saving duties around HQ. [Dethroner]
• If the boys at Maxim, who'd fuck a rotten cantaloupe if given the chance, find Nancy Grace "unboinkable," you know it's time to put the old gal down. [Maxim]
• The Upper East Side property blown to pieces by Dr. Nicholas Bartha Bartha will be selling for $8 million million. [NY Sun]
• Should Glamour dating blogger have text-sex with a stranger in Iceland? Or should she fuck one of the seventeen other dudes she's publicly playing? [See Alyssa Date]
• Hey, did you hear about blogs? They're good for business. Seriously, if we have to read one more article like this, we're going to smash in every newspaper editor's face with our laptops. [WSJ]
• Jessica Joffe's reign of terror for Banana Republic comes to an end, letting media freaks return to buying overpriced merino without having to see her flaming red hair at every turn. [WWD (2nd item)]

• Kevin Federline on his new baby boy: "Man, I'm a father again!" Our thoughts exactly, dude. Time to double-bag that shit. [Page Six]
• Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter is back to smoking. Welcome home, punkin. [Radar]
• When you talk about Nicole Richie's anorexia it, like, stresses her out, and she loses her appetite. So this is all your fault. [IMDb]
• Paris Hilton and Travis Barker suck face. The stars are indeed blind, and falling fast. [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell forgets to pay his AmEx Black card bill. [Page Six]
• We'd no idea a millionaire no-talent pop star could even be in crisis, but apparently Jessica Simpson is rising from the ashes. Relatively speaking, of course. [Us Weekly]

• There's a definitive turning point in the life cycle of any given celebrity, that moment when his or her star has officially fallen from its peak and begins its ugly, if not slow, descent towards irrelevance. That moment unequivocally is the commando crotch shot, and today it belongs to a disturbingly hairless Lindsay Lohan, who's never been so glad those damn baby pictures popped up when they did. [WWTDD]
• Meanwhile, the cost of access to that bald firecrotch is having Lohan as a very bitchy girlfriend. [Page Six]
• And finally, Lohan's incarcerated father asks fellow inmates to please stop rubbing 'em out to pictures of his little girl. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• K-Fed admits that life with his wife, Britney Spears, is really difficult. Especially when he has to sleep with her. [TMZ]
• Karl Rove loved his big, gay stepdad. [R&M]
• Breaking: Rich people loan other rich people their stuff, free of charge. Related: Rich people like the Hamptons. (That one's breaking, too.) [Page Six]

• K-Fed boasts to having "amazing-ass test scores" on his GED. As for Britney, no comment. [Lowdown]