Once again Brian Moylan has provided me with some questions about last night's Housewives, the big old grand finale for the season. (Until the reunion.) Come remember with us, won't you?
The sad ballad of LiLo's SCRAM ankle bracelet plays on. (With Minnie Mouse ears!) Britney bitches out her boyfriend in public. Miley rubs her crotch in public. Kelly Bensimon shows her thong in public. Tuesday gossip has bad boundaries.
On part two of Housewives' study of a woman on the verge, the Virgin Island girls drank some very non-virgin drinks and got to squawking. And then, sadly, Kelly Killoren Bensimon exploded.
Well, that happened. Last night's adventure through the astral planes of philosophical Housewife existence was perhaps the bumpiest, craziest episode we've ever had. Seriously, ever on this show. Ever.
[A strange sea creature with a tawny exoskeleton, dotted with plumes of brilliant color, washes ashore in Miami Beach. Image via Flynet.]
For a couple hundred thousand dollars, you can live the life of Real Housewives Ramona Singer, Kelly Bensimon, or Jill Zarin in the Hamptons this summer. Just what you've been dreaming about, no doubt!
Ed Westwick dumps Jessica Szohr over a dramatic jetsetting affair. Lindsay Lohan's new stepmother used to be her assistant, and even Dina thinks it's "incestuous." Whitney Houston wasn't snorting coke, she has allergies. XOXO, Thursday Gossip Roundup.
Luann, Countess of Crackerjacks, hosted a premiere party for the Real Housewives of New York last night. All Most of the girls were there and they made the mistake of letting us in with a camera. Fun!
• Lindsay Lohan was supposed to go to Vienna so she could accompany creepy billionaire Richard Lugner to the Vienna Opera Ball. (He brings a different celeb or model to the event every year and pays them $150,000 for the pleasure.) Sadly, Lindsay missed her chance to collect the much-needed cash. She ran up a $22K bill at the airport duty free shop and couldn't pay the bill, and the ensuing drama forced her to miss the flight. So she didn't get Lugner's check, she has $22K in stuff she doesn't need, and her house is even more cluttered. That worked out well! [DM, P6]
• The reason Alec Baldwin was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night yesterday? Apparently he got into a fight with his 14-year-old daughter, Ireland, over the phone and threatened to "take some pills," then she called 911 and an ambulance showed up, and Alec was like, "Ugh, fine I'll go to the hospital," and he spent about an hour in the ER before doctors sent him home. His rep says it was "all a misunderstanding," and it's possible that his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, actually prompted Ireland to call 911 in an effort to embarrass him. But Alec didn't make the situation any better when he returned home on Thursday night and "assaulted" a Post photographer who was waiting for him outside his apartment building. [Fox411, NYP, Daily News, Us]
• John Mayer broke down on stage in Nashville on Wednesday, thanked his band for standing by him, and vowed to "quit the media game." Finally! [Us]
• Bill Clinton was hospitalized yesterday after complaining of chest pains. Doctors inserted two stents into a blocked artery and the ex-president is now at home in Chappaqua and "in good spirits." [People]
Hailey Glassman lands the lowest of blows and a terrifying magazine cover. Should Alec Baldwin blame his hospitalization on his ex-wife or his daughter? Suri Cruise wears lipstick. Quentin Tarantino wears out his welcome. TGIFriday gossip.
• Alec Baldwin was rushed to Lenox Hill Hospital early this morning. What happened? That's still unclear for the time being. Although whatever it was, it couldn't have been all that serious considering the hospital released him about an hour later. [People]
• Did John Edwards propose to Rielle Hunter the same day he finally fessed up to being the father of Hunter's 2-year-old baby? Are they now planning to move into a $3.5 million beachfront home where they'll live happily ever after? That's what the National Enquirer reported yesterday. And it's probably best not to doubt the tabloid when it comes to tawdry revelations about America's sleaziest politician. [NYP, P6]
• John Mayer made a bunch of stupid comments in an interview with Playboy earlier this week. And he's been apologizing for them ever since. [Us, P6]
• A new season of Real Housewives of New York City returns in a couple of weeks and Kelly Bensimon is doing her damndest to remain front and center. She's got a new boyfriend (Top Chef contestant Sam Talbot, who split with his wife recently); and she'll soon appear nude in Playboy and says she prepared for the shoot by drinking Corona and eating chicken wings. [P6, Us]
