Ed Westwick dumps Jessica Szohr over a dramatic jetsetting affair. Lindsay Lohan's new stepmother used to be her assistant, and even Dina thinks it's "incestuous." Whitney Houston wasn't snorting coke, she has allergies. XOXO, Thursday Gossip Roundup.

  • Gossip Girl's Ed Westwick dumped co-star girlfriend Jessica Szohr over a rumor that Jessica was "flirting" with rich kid friend Marco Minuto. Jessica was "openly affectionate and flirty with Marco" on her birthday, which Ed missed because he was filming in Europe. "They ended up back at the same hotel, but nobody knows what happened behind closed doors." Jessica made like a Gossip Girl character and "flew to London last Friday with just the clothes on her back" to grovel. Inconvenience defines romance, you know. Gossip Girl's onset romances defy belief. There are too many of them, and they are too convenient—and convenience is the antithesis of romance, remember? Either Vanessa's an idiot who cheats on Chuck Bass, or these are publicity reindeer games. [P6]
  • Michael Lohan's engagement to Jon Gosselin ex Kate Major is weird for many reasons. Here is the latest: Kate was once a de facto Lindsay Lohan assistant, an unpaid "member of Lindsay's entourage" who drove her around and made hair appointments. Is this why LiLo's reaction to the news was, "I'm gonna vomit"? [Popeater, Us]
  • Even Dina Lohan thinks it's ridiculous. "It's certainly a marriage made in tabloid heaven. I mean, Kate dated Hailey Glassman's ex, Jon Gosselin, then she's best friends with Michael's ex Erin, and now she's engaged to Michael. It all sounds a bit incestuous to me." She adds, "Where he's finding money for engagement rings and weddings I don't know. He's nine months behind in his child support." This is the one and only time it is acceptable to tell Dina Lohan, Preach. [Radar]
  • After hospitalization upset Whitney Houston's world tour schedule, the Queen of Crack Is Whack is back (tongue-twister!) on her feet and "feeling great." She isn't back on coke—as reports claim—but suffers from "a lot of allergies." Relapse rumors are "ridiculous. At this point, I just don't respond." Any time you use the phrase "I just don't respond" during an interview with People magazine, you are engaged in paradox. [People, HuffPo]
  • Aging gossip doyenne Cindy Adams hung out with the cast of Jersey Shore before they departed New York for Miami, and she "loved them.... Mike The Situation then—holding aloft my Tiffany plate—voluntarily rolled up his shirt to show me his abs. It was sweet." Her take on the Most Important Social Experiment of Our Time: "My housekeeper didn't know who the hell they were or why they were over in the first place crapping up her rug." [NYPost]
  • Someone handed Kelly Bensimon a "cylindrical object used to clear up pimples" for a photo op, aand she replied, "I can't be photographed with a vibrator." Then she posed for pics with Giuliana Rancic, who is at least two levels better than a vibrator. [P6]
  • Lil' Wayne has "the best job you can have in jail," 50 cents an hour to be a Rikers Island "inmate observation aide," helping out with suicide watches and the like. [NYDN]
  • Nicolas Cage's Bel Air and Malibu homes—for which he owed $9M and $17M, respectively—are officially no longer his. Unfortunately, nobody wanted to buy them, so now they belong to the bank. Foreclosure at the bottom of a recession is awfully depressing. [TMZ]
  • Speaking of celebrity foreclosure: For the second time since 2006, Dustin Diamond is about to lose his home. The first time around, he sold "Save My House" t-shirts and made a porno. No word on how he'll save his Ozaukee County, Wisconsin domicile this time. [TMZ]
  • Another person from Tiger Woods' elementary school says his story about getting bullied is a lie. His latest mistress has a degree in interior design from the University of Alabama. These final stations of the Tiger Woods sex scandal gossip cycle are really unbearable, aren't they? [NYDN, Radar]

[Image via Splash]