Floundering Kmart will begin stocking its stores with cheap, liquidated products from companies that are going bankrupt. Kmart is transitioning its brand from “shitty version of Target” to “Big Lots with a shitty snack bar.”

In October of 2013, Adam Levine partnered with Kmart to produce a menswear collection over which he claimed to have complete creative control. On September 17, 2015, Kmart’s Adam Levine Collection hosted a NYFW runway show that Adam Levine did not even have on his calendar.

Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. So goes the old axiom, apparently taken to heart by Melissa Jacobson—a woman whose current occupation is unknown, but who evidently aspires to the title of “lady who poops and pees inside cardboard boxes at Kmart.”

Do you know what yesterday was? September 9. Also, the start of the Christmas advertising season. Fuck you, Kmart.

This past Sunday, an early morning Kmart crew in Jonesboro, Arkansas came to work, only to find a pair of unfamiliar feet sticking out of a back-room cubby hole. The store manager called the local cops, who discovered the man, Robert Pry, was a retail stowaway who'd passed out in the storage area after huffing 16 cans (!) of air duster.

Kmart's Twitter account is being flooded with angry tweets from customers demanding an explanation for the blatantly racist ad it released this week.

After a year in storage, Portland resident Julie Keith unpacked a box of Halloween decorations she bought at Kmart only to find what she claims is an authentic letter penned by a Chinese labor camp prisoner.

A Kentucky-based jeweller looking to earn some emergency karma came up with a get-clean-quick scheme while shopping at a local liquidating Kmart.

The "Christmas rush" is over. The final, last-ditch hope for our flailing economy has come to an end. The gifts have all been purchased. The free-spending desperate trips to our nation's big box retailers have all been taken. And now, America asks itself: did it work?

Are you hard-hearted cynic who hates Christmas? Perhaps you have not heard about the Christmas Miracle of 2011: The K-Mart Mystery Christmas Layaway Payoffs.

• So how did Jay Leno's new show do? He hit it out of the park ratings-wise, roping in an estimated 18 million viewers. The reviews were all pretty lousy, though, so don't be surprised if it's all downhill from here. [AdAge, LAT, THR]
• The sale of BusinessWeek: Bruce Wasserstein has dropped out as a potential acquirer of the struggling mag. And it's cutting 20% of its staff. [BW, NYT]
• ABC News has apologized to the White House for Nightline anchor Terry Moran's tweet about Obama calling Kanye West a "jackass." [LAT]
• Speaking of the White House, Barack Obama will be David Letterman's guest on Monday night; it's the first time a sitting president has done the show. [NYT]
• Oprah's season premiere scored big thanks to Whitney Houston. [Wrap]
• The House of Harvey has sustained another blow: Harvey Weinstein's 70 percent stake in the home-video distributor Genius Products, once worth as much as $400 million, is now pretty much worthless. [NYP]
• Speaking of the film mogul, The Weinstein Co. picked up the rights to A Single Man, designer Tom Ford's debut film, at the Toronto Film Festival. [THR]

An amazing, real item on sale at K-Mart now: "These athletic pants boldly proclaim just where she stands by pointing out that 'True Love Waits' in a large screen print on the front and back of these pants." Abstinence: It's right there on her ass. Click through for the colorful varieties you can order for your teenage daughter: