A lot of the arguing we're hearing both in the real world and inside our heads about the Viacom-YouTube lawsuit has to do with Viacom's claim of damage to authors, songwriters, and other magical unicorns. You know, the little people! Without getting all up in the merits of the case at all, not being all J.D.-burdened (unlike the folks of the Huffington Post, where law degrees and great racks go hand in hand, or hand in something), this is still where we get stuck on the argument. Really? 90-second clips of funny people on YouTube don't actually help them make more money by making them more famous, and therefore making their products more likely to be consumed? For sure now? So we're hoping that Viacom actually gets to argue that old copyright sawhorse for its billlliooon dollars.

Today's Observer follows up on that gay-discrimination lawsuit at Sullivan & Cromwell, and gives you all the information you need to know (the firm denies everything, complainant Charney is representing himself because Lambda Legal Defense wouldn't take the case, Sullivan has a "gay-friendly" rep in the industry, etc.). More to the point, we've taken these photos from Sullivan's website: Charney is at right, while Eric Krautheimer (of "I just took a shit while reading this, and some might still be on there for you" fame) is at left. We're not well-versed in this aspect of the law, but, come on. We are so backing the hot gay guy.

We got an e-mail this morning from one Aaron Charney, who informed us that

We don't often participate in songs of praise here at Gawker, but we do want to suggest that if you missed last week's three-part "Broken Bench" series in the New York Times you head immediately to the paper's website and print out all three parts for your train ride home. Sure, there's a certain Pulitzer-bait feel to this investigation of upstate's corrupt and incompetent courthouses, but it's incredibly well-reported and pretty horrific in a way that the best kind of journalism should be. Writer William Glaberson and the NYT deserve commendation for the effort. Trust us on this one: You'll never feel better about living here in town, where justice is dispensed fairly and equitably.

The emails trickling in suggest there's a feeling that we ought to say something about the guilty verdicts just handed down against Enron's Kenneth "Kenny Boy" Lay and Jeff Skilling. So, um: Yay?

• The state of New York is the nation's leader in migration outflow, losing an average of 182,886 people per year; metropolitan New York area is also up there, averaging 211,014 people yearly. You know what? Good! Get the hell out of here! But it's not like a mass fucking exodus will burst the housing bubble. Only seven or eight apocalyptic horsemen can do that. [NY Sun]
• The California Supreme Court threw out a sexual harassment lawsuit from a former writer's assistant on Friends, ruling that "trash talk is part of the creative process." Remember that when you want to tell your boss to fuck himself — now you can, the law says so. [CNN]
• TomKat becomes TomRat, which is uncomfortably realistic. [Gallery of the Absurd]
• The Post makes an earnest attempt at some Page Six humor — but not really of the self-deprecating sort, which means it's not really funny. [NYP]
• It's always fun to screw with spammers. It's even more fun when there are deaf kids involved. [Corporate Casual]
• The Times doesn't really know much about this Pinch guy, but they sure are hungry for a Sulzburger. Har, har — thanks, we'll be here all week! [CJR]
• The Observer's Bridal Blog confirms what every stressed-out, bride-to-be already knows: Grooms are nuptially retarded. And they're all yours for a lifetime. [Bridal Blog]

We've long held a theory that New Yorkers, while superficially gruff, are actually some of the nicest people in the world. (Californians are forever asking how you're doing — no, really, how are you? — without ever actually caring; New Yorkers don't bother with that bullshit but do pay attention to what you say and will, at the drop of a confused look, eagerly give you directions anywhere.) So we were actually somewhat pleased to see a story on the frontpage of yesterday's Times with the hed, "New York Leads Politeness Trend? Get Outta Here!" We thought it was going to provide empirical proof of our we're-actually-nice theory, but it turned out we were mistaken. The point of the article wasn't so much that New Yorkers actually are nice; the point is that the city is attempting to regulate New Yorkers into niceness, with everything from a ban at spitter on ballplayers (why bother going out to the stadium, then?) to a $50 fine for putting your feet on a subway seat. And to these measures we can only say: Fuck that shit, you fucking assholes.

There are many reasons for homelessness. Many are sad, some tragic, and a few eminently understandable. A there-but-for-the-grace-of- God woman appeared in night court last night; unable to afford her apartment after she lost her job, she'd been arrested and charged with trespassing for sleeping on a Gramercy Park roof.

• Diet-pill whore Anna Nicole Smith heads to the Supreme Court today for a hearing regarding her gazillion dollar inheritance case, in which she is fighting for the money she rightfully earned by fucking her ancient, wheelchair-bound husband. In a perfect world, Smith will eschew all legal professionals and argue her case all by herself. Then we could die of happiness. [IMDb]
• Today in Lindsay Lohan's vagina: Wilmer Valderrama, 5:30 AM, Soho Grand. [Page Six]
• P. Diddy, currently in Rio de Janeiro for Carnival, was seen going into a venue known for its budget hookers. It's nice to know that despite his extraordinary wealth, the man still keeps things frugal. [Scoop]
• When it came time to file the divorce papers, did Nick Lachey lie about the date of separation from Jessica Simpson? If it means he could share in an extra $1 million of Simpson's cash, then of course he did. [Media Takeout]
• Lizzie Grubman and fiance Chris Stern are rumored to have their wedding scheduled as soon as the end of the month. Which would be tomorrow, right? [R&M (last item)]
• Because Brad Pitt morphs into his lovers, his latest role is as a United Nations-loving do-gooder. If Kofi Annan loved The Mexican as much as we think he did, Pitt's en route to becoming a Goodwill Ambassador. [Page Six]
• Donald Trump shames a Mar-a-Lago guest into tipping two employees who recovered her $2 million dollar bracelet. [Lowdown (last item)]

We're not sure we've actually watched CourtTV in the decade since the O.J. trial — has anyone? — but we do know that you can find interesting tidbits from time to time on the CourtTV website. Today, for example, we're finding ourselves oddly entranced by the 12-page slide show they've produced, which lists all of Paris Hilton's manifold legal travails. Who knew the poor little rich girl had quite so many legal run-ins in her young life?

The Daily News has a rundown this morning of the new laws that went into effect with the new year. The tab lets us know that Mister Softee trucks are now allowed to play the jingle when moving but not when stopped, that minimum wage has raised from one amount that's too little to live on to another amount that's too little to live on, and that people under 21 are not allowed to own spray paint, among other things. Also:

The National Law Journal reports today that the new top hourly rate charged by a U.S. lawyer is an even grand. Of course, that's for a 70-year-old firm chairman and former attorney general, a series of credentials we're unlikely to ever have after our name.

But, on the other hand, now that engagement ring is going to be significantly lighter.

We can't remember the last time something in our inbox frightened us so:

Not that we have any interest in hearing another word about it, but we guess we can understand why the Johnson & Johnson billionaire who owns the New York Jets is suing the Cablevision billionaires who own Madison Square Garden over the blissfully dead West Side Stadium project.

The good news, at least, is that there are apparently limits to the Voice's usually suffocating blanket of politically correct leftyism. The bad news, on the other hand, is that these few examples of heterodoxy appear not in the page of the frequently stultifying weekly but rather in terminology Voice EIC Don Forst uses to address his gay, female, or Asian staffers. At least, so says a complaint filed this week in Federal District Court in New York by Richard Goldstein, a 61-year-old veteran editor at the paper who was forced out last year and is charging harassment and age discrimination.

At left, The Man's explanation of the Dark Room's recent closure. At right, the Dark Room's explanation.