Don't fight commitment. Don't fight biological clocks, and don't fight the NYT's Weddings & Celebrations, who always win the battle over your inferiority complex. Don't fight Gawker Weddings Expert Phyllis Nefler, either. But what happens when Vows fights The Law?

A porn star and a stripper are trying to beat prostitution charges on a grammatical technicality after prosecutors put "and" in a document where they should have put "or." Luckily for the women, they have a lawyer who—solely on the basis of the following quote—we picture (correctly, it turns out) to be a hilariously stereotypical sleazoid attorney:

Former Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau retired at the end of 2009 at the tender age of 90. Did you expect him to move to some sunny retirement community and play golf for the rest of his days? Pen a memoir and reflect on his 35-year career as DA? That isn't his plan. Morgenthau reports he's joining Wachtell Lipton, the notoriously aggressive corporate law firm that represents some of the biggest banks in America. [BW]

Anti-gay organization sues pro-gay organization for copyright infringement, argues that an image of a straight couple with kids is "substantially indistinguishable" from an image of a family of two women with kids. Pro-gay org lawyer uses word "sassy."

Irving Picard, the man in charge of liquidating Bernie Madoff's assets, is asking for $22.1 million in fees for the last five months of work he and his firm have put in on the case, on top of the $14.6 million he's already been paid. But that includes a 10 percent "public interest discount," so don't even think of suggesting Picard isn't generous. [Bloomberg]

The all-powerful National Pork Board has sicced its attorneys on make-your-own-clever-shirt site Neighborhoodies. The National Pork Board strongly disagrees with Alf's assertion that cats are "The Other White Meat."

Did you hear about Brian Schroeder, the Harvard Law School grad who set fire to the 9/11 chapel early Saturday morning, either as part of a "drunken prank" or because "someone slipped something into his drink"? The good news is Schroeder finally scraped together $3,000 in bail money and got to go home last night. The bad (though hardly surprising) news: Not only is Schroeder quickly turning into this week's tabloid whipping boy, his job offer at the law firm Sidley Austin—which coincidentally once had its offices in the World Trade Center—has been rescinded. But at least now he'll have plenty of time to continue his world travels. [NYDN, NYP, NYDN]

What a small world! Who would've thought? Marty Singer—the lawyer laying into my boss for a cool mil over the McSteamy Tape—would be taking other big-money cases on behalf of sleazy celebrities? Well, he got to Kate Gosselin!

After winning $1B in settlements, as they claim, you'd assume the law firm that Erin Brockovitch was based on would be solvent. Wrong! Masry & Vititoe filed for bankruptcy after being sued by the estate of the dead namesake partner.

The Way We Live Now: Gap-toothed. Too poor to get a falsie to complete our smile. Lawyers aren't making it! Kitschy yuppie bars on skid row are losing ambiance! Nine trillion dollars in debt is a lot. A lot.

Stephen Dannhauser, the chairman Weil, Gotshal & Manges, has every reason to be sitting smugly in his office chair in the middle of Midtown. Last week, a judge signed off on the firm's $55 million tab for the work Weil has performed in connection with Lehman Brothers' bankruptcy; this week, the firm submitted another bill for $45.2 million more. Kenneth Feinberg, President Obama's pay czar, has suggested putting some sort of cap on Lehman's legal expenses going forward. Why? Isn't a $15,000 postage bill and $67,000 in business meal expenses perfectly reasonable? Ordering in dinner from Le Cirque every night isn't free, you know. [WSJ]

Victims of Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme may have to wait 15 years before all of his assets are accounted for and re-distributed. Serving as the court-appointed receiver or trustee assigned to wind down a Ponzi scheme? That may be one of the most lucrative assignments around.

The only moneymaking scheme better than the one Bernie Madoff operated for two decades (if only because it's perfectly legal): the one that Madoff court-appointed trustee Irving Picard is now running. Picard's firm is charging $1 million a week to disassemble Madoff's investment firm and is stands to collect as much as $250 million when all is said and done. [NYP]

Above the Law has asked some legal experts to weigh on on our post last week wondering whether non-lawyer Elizabeth Wurtzel can claim to be a lawyer before she passes the bar.

As we've noted before, Elizabeth Wurtzel, the Prozac Nation author who graduated from Yale Law School last year, hasn't passed the bar exam yet. But that hasn't stop her from pretending to be a lawyer! Which might be illegal.

Clinton lawyer Lanny Davis has a new job: lobbying for the post-coup government of Honduras!

Ed Whelan, former Scalia law clerk, Bush Justice Department appointee, and, most amusingly, "President of the Ethics and Public Policy Center," got soooo mad at some blogger who was criticizing him that he published the guy's real name and job.

Lawyer Marc Dreier pleaded guilty to charges he bilked investors out of hundreds of millions of dollars a couple of weeks ago, and he remains under house arrest until his sentencing next month. (He may end up with a life sentence if prosecutors get their way.) He's been having trouble paying his bills since he was first indicted several months ago. According to his lawyer, Dreier even had to dip into his son's bar mitzvah fund recently to cover his living expenses. Perhaps that's why his yacht, which is one of a bunch of Dreier's assets now up for sale, was just discounted? Dreier's "Escape" (or "Seascape"), which was originally listed at $13.5 million, was just reduced to $12.5 million. After the jump, a few photos of the boat where Dreier probably spent many hours plotting and scheming.

Disgraced lawyer Marc Dreier pleaded guilty yesterday to a long list of charges and he may face life in prison when he's sentenced on July 13. In the meantime, though, it's time to celebrate! Today is Dreier's 59th birthday, and not even the prospect of spending the rest of his life in the clink can take that away from him. Even better: The judge allowed him to return to his massive Midtown apartment last night, where he's under house arrest and watched over by guards who cost Dreier $23,000 a month.

Hipster movies are made, as are ones about the depraved world of small town Texas. Which are sorta hipster in their own right. Bad news for David E. Kelley, which is good news for us.