• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore suffered a big scare when the plane they were on was forced to make an emergency landing in Las Vegas shortly after take-off. Fortunately, neither actor was injured and they could return to tweeting within minutes of the incident. [People]
• Leonardo DiCaprio appears to be moving on now that he's no longer with Bar Refaeli: He was seen with SI model Anne Vyalitsyna in Ibiza. [P6]
• Bethenny Frankel was seen in the bathroom of a restaurant with a pregnancy test, so it appears she's looking to reproduce. You've been warned. [P6]

• The mother of Jude Law's baby has been revealed: She's some actress/model named Samantha Burke. [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin is shopping around a new reality show since he has a couple hundred kids to support and could really use the cash. [P6]
• Joe Jackson is confirming that Michael had a "love child" who is now a Norwegian dancer named Omer Bhatti. Welcome to the family, young man. [NYDN]
• Kanye West is the "new King of Pop," he says: "First there was Elvis, then there was Michael. Now in the 21st century it's Kanye's time to rule." [NYDN]

Leonardo DiCaprio, 34, goes for a bicycle ride around Notting Hill. Pic via Bauer-Griffin.

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are struggling, men are turning against Megan Fox, Bar Refaeli is boning a "Brazilian playboy" named Ricardo, Kid Rock hates Twitter, Marilyn Manson issues threats and Kate Beckinsale parties with Eva Longoria and Victoria Beckham.

Cameron Diaz is a playa, Jessica Simpson drowns her dumping sorrows with friends, Lilo and Sam Ronson engage in an epic fight over Drea De Matteo, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy are engaged and Jeffrey Donovan get a DUI.

• Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are tussling once again. This time, Drea De Matteo was involved. And LiLo's clothes ended up in the street. [DM]
• Speaking of troubled young stars, Mischa Barton's rep is denying reports that it was Barton's drug issues that sent her to the hospital. [OK]
• Lizzie Grubman says she was asked recently to join the cast of Real Housewives of New York City, but decided to turn it down. Our loss, clearly. [P6]
• Because fake tanning is an art, Victoria Beckham has retained the services of a "personal spray-on tan artist" to help her "shading appear more natural." [DM]

Eva Longoria is delightfully kinky, Leo DiCaprio is cruising for new tail, Lily Allen proclaims her desire to bone a rocker, Victoria Beckham is taking acting classes, Emma Watson and Robert Pattinson are "just friends," and Demi hits the beach.

• Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie moving to NYC and into a giant apartment at the Apthorp? That's the rumor! [NYDN]
• The good news/bad news for Madonna: She's getting along much better with her ex, Guy Ritchie, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, the reconciliation isn't making Madonna's boyfriend, Jesus Luz, very happy. [DM]
• After six months in St. Lucia, Amy Winehouse is lonely, homesick, and deeply unpopular with the locals. So now she may return to the U.K. where she's totally adored, naturally, [DE]
• Boys will be boys: Leonardo DiCaprio looked like he was "on the prowl" in NYC last week. And Jeremy Piven looked like he was "ogling" Hayden Panettiere the other night. [P6, P6]

• In news that will delight Jews the world over, it seems Britney Spears is thinking about converting to Judaism. She's been seen wearing a Star of David necklace and has found a rabbi to, like, teach her about stuff, so she's well on her way, clearly. [Sun]
• Lindsay Lohan hasn't been getting too many acting roles what with all her personal problems as of late. But she may have found a way around that: She's starting her own film/TV production company. [THR]
• Jerry Seinfeld's rep says he not facing money troubles. But he is doing commercials for "a bank in the boonies of Australia," which can't be a good sign. [P6]
• Mariska Hargitay is back on the set of Law & Order: SVU after a mishap earlier this week sent her to the hospital for 13 stitches. [NYDN]
• Publicist Ali Wise was arrested earlier this week for hacking into Nina Freudenberger's voicemail. But she may not be the only victim out there. [P6]

Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf might be boning, Whitney Port has a new fake boyfriend, Britney Spears dyed her hair and is sporting a ring, Bradley Cooper put Jennifer Aniston in the friend zone and Leo DiCaprio's shoes got stolen.

• A second autopsy was performed on Michael Jackson over the weekend just as details from the first were revealed: Jackson was just 112 pounds when he died and his "emaciated body was riddled with needle marks and scars, and his head was virtually bald." In the meantime, his doctor, Conrad Murray, has denied giving Jackson any drugs right before his death and says he found a faint pulse when he first discovered him. Jackson's parents say they plan to fight for custody of Jackson's kids and for control of his estate. And plenty of people came out to celebrate Jackson's life at a couple of BET parties this weekend. And now you're all caught up. [NYP, LAT, WP, NYDN]
• Poor Jen Aniston. One minute she's happy and relaxed and supposedly dating Bradley Cooper and now Cooper says they're just "friends." [P6, NYDN]

Rumors of the Goldblum/Ford deaths were greatly exaggerated, David Gregory throws a hissy over Joe Scarborough, Kate Gosselin sports a bikini in the driveway, Kim Kardashian lusts for Megan Fox and Chris Brown and Rihanna want to touch.

We have news from around the world today, but mostly from Foxborough and Australia. Two places both alike in dignity, but then suffering complete indignities like American Idol and movies about teenagers who save the world.

When you heard that Martin Scorsese was directing an adaptation of a Dennis Lehane novel called Shutter Island starring Michelle Williams, Leo DiCaprio, and Ben Kingsley, you maybe got as excited as we did. Well, calm down. It looks awful.

Leo the Great dumped Bar Refaeli, Britney Spears is banging her agent at William Morris, Miley Cyrus dumped her boyfriend and is after Nick Jonas, Lauren Conrad's new novel will be horrendous, and David Carradine bought lots of sex toys.

• The British paparazzi have seen it all over the years, but even they were surprised by a shopping expedition by Beyoncé in London last week. The singer required two chauffeur-driven cars/limos and a small army of bodyguards to escort her to the store. Even though it happened to be located about 15 yards from the front door to her hotel. [Telegraph]
• On-again, off-again couple Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli appear to be in "off" mode, according to People. But Us says Bar and Leo are still together and even have photos of the couple shopping yesterday to prove it. Say a little prayer and hope for the best, won't you? [People, Us]
• There doesn't seem much doubt about the status of Kanye West's relationship with model Amber Rose. West's rep has confirmed that it's over. [P6]

Tom Hanks' sex scenes were cut from Angels & Demons, Olivia Palermo joins Elle, and John Mayer tries to get girls to sleep with him by text messaging "I want to tuck you in."

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson skipped out of a Valentine's Day appearance at the Hard Rock in Florida, supposedly because both had come down with the flu. But they didn't appear too sick the night before when the pair were spotted in a screaming match outside the Charlotte Ronson after-party on the Lower East Side. [People, NYP, NYDN]
• Chris Brown now says he's "sorry and saddened" over the incident with Rihanna. [LAT]
• Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault got married on Saturday. [People]
• Amy Sacco says she's planning to do a reality show for Bravo. [NYDN]
• Dina Lohan owes $11,485 in back taxes on her Long Island home. [P6]
• Jesus Luz's mother says her son has been "kidnapped" by Madonna. Also, in case you're wondering, Madge is the same age as his grandmother. [NYP, DM]

Computer illiterate masturbators of the world, take heed: your 2009 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover girl is Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend Bar Refaeli. Allegedly.

In the spirit of fairness for those many times we called the Academy out for its general Oscar-nominating ineptitude, let's all commend its members' fine taste today in snubbing the utterly despicable Revolutionary Road.