As if Lolo Jones wasn't already having a bad enough day after barely missing a medal in the 100-meter hurdles last night — "Stressed.5am no sleep post race," she tweeted — her U.S.A. teammates Dawn Harper and Kellie Wells, both of whom did medal in the race, aren't at all happy with her.

Tough luck, Gabby Douglas, Henrik Rummel's penis is the new sweetheart of the 2012 Olympics. Rummel burst into internet fame over the last 48 hours since photos of his large-but-not-giant non-boner stole the spotlight from him and his three teammates during their medal ceremony Saturday afternoon. (Rummel's penis was not awarded a medal, even though it is a comparable size to most coxswain.)

The dumbest story to come out of this year's London Olympics isn't about the judo competitor who alleges he accidentally ate a weed brownie before coming to London, or whether the guy from America's crew team had a boner while getting his bronze medal (though he definitely did, and that's alright, it happens). The dumbest story is that American politicians are now attempting to exempt Olympians from the taxes they have historically paid on their prize money. Even Obama, the socialist who hates victory, is on board with the plan. And you thought Ryan Lochte was simple?

To the settle the matter of the Olympic boner that wasn't: First, American rower Henrik Rummel was celebrated for appearing to have a "giant boner" after he won the bronze. Then, on Reddit, he demurred, claiming that the sculpted outline visible through his rower's shorts was actually his flaccid, unerect member. This revelation prompted some august personages—including former Gawker editor Choire Sicha and current Gawker editor A.J. Daulerio—to pronounce Rummel's cock really big, if that's what it looks like during the off-season. This is hogwash. Here's proof that Rummel's cock is just a regular old cock.

The world was very excited to meet Michael Phelps' rumored girlfriend Megan Rossee when she stepped out with him in London on Monday night and now, after a cursory Googling of her name, the world has decided it hates her.

Lots of fun and fascinating facts in this 3-D video infographic from the New York Times which pits Usain Bolt's record-setting 100m dash against the achievements of sprinters from past Olympics — all the way back to the 1896 Summer Games in Athens.

Henrik Rummel, the U.S. rower who appeared to be sporting a boner while receiving his bronze medal yesterday, claims that his penis was flaccid during the medal ceremony. Rummel spoke out on the internet's chief boner website, Reddit, which he has previously used to discuss Game of Thrones:

Today was a tough one for Olympians. First, American Judo person Nick Delpopolo accidentally ate some pot brownies and got the boot. Then news breaks that a U.S. rower had a boner during his recent medal ceremony. Now comes word that Italy's national hero and walking champion Alex Schwazer was banned from the Olympics today after he failed a drug test. The illegal substance was not disclosed.

Here's a picture of American rower Henrik Rummel receiving his new bronze medal while sporting a boner. He's the second one from the left, in case you missed the giant erection. All told, U.S. rowers won two bronze medals and one gold. Below is a video of the ceremony. [UPDATE: Rummel claims he was 'not erect.']

From the Opening Ceremony of the London Olympics—which featured as one of its star attractions, a large-but-not-even-that-large Cruella DeVille balloon—it's been clear that these Games would be one in which people felt it was okay to go ahead and phone some things in.

Francis "Fran" Higgins, who plays The Viper on the Irish mockumentary series Hardy Bucks, provides some stellar "alternative commentary" for the Women's Laser Radial sailing competition at the Thirtieth Olympiad — AKA "some boats in a race."

Is the 2012 London Olympics a flawed and corrupt but ultimately heartwarming celebration of athletic achievement and a sign of peace and cooperation among nations? Or is it a sinister occult ritual undertaken by the British Royal family and the Illuminati to summon ancient demons and secure their power over the mindless masses? The peaceful celebration, definitely. But that hasn't stopped the internet from doing what it does best: making weird YouTube videos and posting to conspiracy theory message boards. Behold, the best of the internet's Olympic conspiracy theories.

Soon after NBC re-aired Usain Bolt dominating the 100 meter final, we received this email from a woman who would like to spill the details of her ongoing fling in London with one of the other sprinters who is presumably not Usain Bolt. But she would like to sell her story anyway, even though most publications would probably not purchase the story unless it was about her sleeping with Usain Bolt. She tells us:

Ragú took the Internet by storm last night after unveiling the first in a series of ads revolving around quintessential childhood moments — starting with walking in on your parents having sex.

Here's the headline splash — as of publishing time, still up — on Fox Sports' Olympic Wrestling page. That's Hamid Soryan, who won a gold medal for Iran in Greco-Roman wrestling. Baghdad is the capital of Iraq. Next time they might want to consult a map.

Some asshole was arrested and beaten up by a Dutch girl in London yesterday after attempting to hit sprinter and noted polite person Usain Bolt with a bottle just before the start of the men's 100 meter final.

In one of the most moving moments of sportsmanship so far in these Olympics, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt, who took home the gold in the men's 100m, stops an interview with a Spanish reporter in the middle to pay respect to Jamaican-American athlete Sanya Richards-Ross, who had just received a gold medal for her first-place finish in the women's 400m.

The bluster that helped Serena Williams blow past rival Maria Sharapova in Saturday's women's singles final wasn't as helpful during the medal ceremony when it caused one of the Olympics more embarrassing flag-related blunders yet.

Did you notice that when Gabby Douglas made Olympics history the other night, the crowd cheered — but not "U.S.A."?

Oscar "Blade Runner" Pistorius made Olympics history today as the first double amputee runner to compete. He also advanced to the semifinals, so take that, two-legged runners.