Today in hallucinations turned real: A one-antlered deer ran through two stores in Laguna Beach, was hit by a car, ran to the beach, and swam to a cave. A police officer gave it CPR, and then it died.

This is Michael Kevin Lallana of Fullerton, California, a 31-year-old financial representative at Northwestern Mutual Financial Network. He is also, according to the Orange County District Attorney, a sex offender who put his semen in a co-worker's water bottle. Gross.

James Dean really regretted moving from New York to Los Angeles: "I WANT TO DIE."

California Assemblyman, and former filmmaker, Anthony Portantino has authored legislation that would make crashing high profile Hollywood events a crime, punishable by up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Oh well, LA parties suck anyway. [LAT]

AOL's money website WalletPop composed a list of the worst American cities to live in based on the climate, unemployment and foreclosure figures, crime stats, etc. Naturally, Detroit and LA both made the cut. But there were some surprises, too.

A fourteen-year-old who dropped a lighter while smoking weed was arrested for starting a 40-acre brush fire in L.A. county.

Web empress Arianna Huffington is moving from Los Angeles to New York, multiple sources tell us, which means the globetrotting boss will finally be living in the same city as the editorial headquarters of her Huffington Post. Brace yourselves, underlings.

Take a look at the $25,000-a-month Los Angeles mansion that pop supernova Lady Gaga is currently renting. There's a spa, a wetbar, six bedrooms, and eight bathrooms. It's huge. There's even a room for Alejandro!

[Elvish maid Lady Peaches of Geldof, daughter of Sir Bob Geldof and the thing known as Gollum, shows off her new nose ring on the streets of Los Angeles. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Two thousand Angelenos reportedly booed and hissed yesterday when Arrested Development's Jason Bateman—escorted by an Apple employee—cut in line for the iPhone. Even Woz waited in line! (This time.) [Us, CNN]

The small city of Maywood, California, is broke. So the city is planning to disband its police force, lay off municipal employees, and hire outside help to run day-to-day operations. Only a handful of top officials will remain in place.

Countess LuAnn de Lesseps aural abomination, "Money Can't Buy You Class," continues to amuse. She performed the song on an LA morning show earlier this week. The station's interns laughed at her while she performed.

A SWAT team has surrounded the home of Stephen Clancy Hill—the porn star who killed a worker and wounded two others in LA. He's currently threatening to jump off a cliff next to his home. [LA Times]

While movies and television have made images of a traffic-congested Los Angeles ubiquitous, other media imagine another city. Inspired by Matt Logue's Empty L.A., Russ Ching composed this time-lapse piece presentingt an L.A. where all the cars have vanished.

Los Angeles voted to join the boycott on Arizona, and Arizona said, "bring it." Corporation commissioner Gary Pierce says "Arizona's utilities would be happy" to cripple L.A.'s electrical supply, much of which they control. It's an interstate commerce catfight!

The hits keep coming for Arizona. New Mexico and California hate the Grand Canyon State. And yesterday the LA City Council voted to ban the majority of official travel to Arizona and a hold on contracts with companies there. [LAT]

[Kobe Bryant, here dressed as a color-by-number gentleman farmer, is likely to spend the next few weeks wondering what he was thinking when he agreed to a photo shoot with the L.A. Times Magazine.]

For one of the sultriest actresses in Hollywood, Penelope Cruz doesn't much flair for interior design, as evidenced by her Hollywood crash pad which is currently on the market for $3.7 million.

That pot haven hotel the LA Times wrote about has canceled their weed-tastic opening party.

Californians keep coming up with ridiculous schemes to attract tourists. Dennis Peron, a "hero to the marijuana movement," is trying to open a weed-friendly hotel, or "pot-tel" in Koreatown's famed Hotel Normandie. Tonight is the grand opening.