Remember when Lady Gaga posed as a man for Vogue Hommes Japan? Well, she is apparently really committing to this thing: The magazine has now come out, and it includes an interview with "Jo Calderone," who says he fucked her.

Today's Malden, West Virginia update: Eddie Campbell, 61, was arrested for masturbating on a bench in a public park on Sunday morning. He was accompanied by an armless mannequin. This concludes your Malden, West Virginia update. [WSAZ via]

In another team challenge, the six remaining artists were asked to create pieces based on "opposing themes." In this clip, master-manipulator Miles convinces his teammate Jaclyn to take nude pictures of herself masturbating to represent their male/female theme.

Yesterday's post on the masturbating gentleman of the Brooklyn-bound 4 train provoked debate between people who hate perverts, people who hate people who hate perverts, and a pervert who defended his right to rub one out in public.

Riding a Brooklyn-bound 4 train, amateur photographer Kate Black noticed a man "pitching a tent" and "thrusting his hips" in ladies' faces. Thinking quickly, Kate photographed him, then declared a jihad against the pervert on her Flickr page.

Rachael Ray had a sex expert on her show this morning to discuss several taboo topics. Leading off, masturbation and a side order of Rachael Ray squirming like a priest at the Kid's Choice Awards.

[A newspaper clipping from somewhere wonderful in Ohio. via TNR]

A pottery demonstration takes a perverse turn for the worse when the instructor unintentionally teaches masturbation technique in the guise of ceramics skills.

Cougar Town takes place in a bizarre universe where men are reluctant to masturbate. Personal research has shown this to be simply untrue.

Vanity Fair columnist and public intellectual Christopher Hitchens is a twice-married straight man. In his boyhood, however, he had torrid affairs and circle jerked with male classmates. A leaked excerpt from Hitchens' forthcoming memoir documents necessary bisexuality in horny teens.

NYT's resident sex addict Benoit Denizet-Lewis has a source at the Mississippi sex rehab clinic Tiger Woods is rumored to be at. And he's definitely there, says Benoit, who apparently becomes a tabloid reporter when sex addiction is at stake.

Of all the excuses and explanations Carrie Prejean made for her sex tape on Hannity last night, only one—that she was a teenager when she made the video—makes sense. For TMZ, that is.

The editor of Towson University's college newspaper has resigned amid scandal. Sexy scandal! The Towson University community was just not ready for sexy mutual masturbation talk. What? It's natural and human. Masturbation 69 orgasm dildo masturbation masturbation. What? Be mature.

When Kung Fu simulator David Carradine was found hanged to death in Bangkok hotel room closet Wednesday, suicide was reasonably suspected. But now, evidence seems to be pointing to one of those grisly masturbation accidents:

Will scientists ever stop destroying our lives? We're sorry to report, men, that according to a new study, masturbating throughout your 20s and 30s will totally give you cancer.

Sure, Che Guevara was a Hero of the Revolution. But did he like to jack off a lot? Director Steven Soderbergh has done a lot of research on this issue:

Poseidon Adventure thespian Ernest Borgnine is 91 years old and hale and hearty and writing books. What's the secret to his vim and vigor, the bozos at Fox & Friends wanted to know. So Borgy leaned in close and whispered-apparently unaware of that newfangled "micro phonic" technology-"I masturbate a lot." Then everyone's heads exploded. Including Borgy's. (Do you get the gross joke that I just made?) Clip is above. [via BWE]

Let's just put it out there: copy editors are vaguely creepy. There they sit in their corner, poring over pages while all the reporters and (other) editors are doing the real, sexy work of journalism. What makes someone want to be a copy editor in the first place? Could it be... sexual perversion? (Kidding of course! We love copy editors, platonically). Charles Cretella, a veteran New York Times copy editor, is now going to court over a sexual harassment case that centers on-you guessed it-a fellow copy editor, who was masturbating at work. Goodness. The strange details: Cretella says the Times didn't give him a promotion because he was falsely charged with sexually harassing a new 33-year-old copy editor that Cretella was training. Very enthusiastically:

See, this is why I will always stand behind Profnet as my preferred place for reporters to find sources for bizarre stories, no matter what cheaper competition comes along: because of Profnet's unparalleled sophomoric joke opportunities! For example, are you an expert on masturbation and all of its ins-and-outs, ha? Well "Em" of "Em & Lo," sex book authors and your source for "all things love, sex, and star related," wants to talk to you right away! And she'll happily promote your masturbation projects in return:

Ever indulged in a little autoeroticism to images of Sarah Silverman or Natalie Portman and then wished with all your heart and soul that you might be rid of your cursed goy-tell foreskin, just so they might consider, ever so fleetingly, nailing you? Can't say that I have, per se, but the latest promo ad at Jewish hipster bible Heeb Magazine will show you the way. NSFW, if you think your boss might be uncomfortable with a WASPY 16-year-old hacking into his Gentile genitalia. Though really, what finally puts him over the edge might be more disturbing.