Hours after New York magazine published its interview with Michael Bloomberg — in which the sitting mayor of New York City called Democratic mayoral front-runner Bill de Blasio “racist” for campaigning with his family — de Blasio appeared at a Brooklyn rally to dismiss Bloomberg’s bizarre accusation: “I hope he’ll realize that it was inappropriate.” De Blasio’s wife Chirlane McCray later tweeted at the mayor, “I am not property or a tool to be used or controlled.” Indeed, it turns out the real racist — under Bloomberg’s terms — is Bloomberg himself.

This week, the New Yorker published a long elegy of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s 12-year legacy. It’s brutal. Media critic Ken Auletta paints Bloomberg as a jackbooted, power-hungry bruiser: “the biggest plutocrat in a plutocratic capital, a creature of Wall Street who, flagrantly and legally, tapped his limitless bank account to become, and remain, mayor.” Asked about it by reporters—specifically about the part where Auletta describes his secret efforts to line up police commissioner Ray Kelly as a candidate to succeed him as mayor—Bloomberg refused to acknowledge the existence of the piece.

Old grumbles Bloomberg watched what might have been the tenth film he has seen in his life, and he was borderline outraged with all that nonsense that comes before it. The parade of theatrical trailers did not amuse the "easily bored" Mayor.

Mayor Bloomberg gave his thirteenth and final State of the City address this afternoon and the city did not get stingy with the theatrics. The event was kickstarted by both dancing adults and dancing children as the mayor himself walked in to some flashy song about New York featuring Jay-Z. The speech itself was forgettable (something about styrofoam, something about weed, and something about clean air), but when it comes down to it, would you rather be remembered for your policies or your jokes about Beyonce?

The second New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg's plan to ban large sodas was announced, you knew that people would use it to declare that America has become a Commu-fascist labor prison. The Atlantic called it classist. Comedy Central's political blog (they have one!) called it ridiculous. Forbes called Bloomberg a Republican Socialist. And Bernie Goldberg basically declared that the ban was a gateway law that will one day lead to the government stealing your kids in the middle of the night and harvest their organs to give to illegal immigrants.

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has never been accused of taking a heavy-handed approach to governing. Want to smoke? Go ahead! Want to have a little salt with your deep-fried meat product? All you, baby! Want to camp out for a few weeks in a park to protest? Who's going to stop you? Only his army.

As thousands marched across the Brooklyn Bridge tonight in solidarity with Occupy Wall Street, someone put on a pro-OWS guerrilla projection show on the side of the Verizon building. Try evicting that, Mayor BloombNERD. What are you going to do? Cut off the power until everyone behaves again? Actually, I shouldn't give him any bright ideas.

Well, here's what Zuccotti Park looked like this morning, after hundreds of NYPD officers dismantled Occupy Wall Street's headquarters in an early morning raid. But a judge now says occupiers can return with all their gear.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg addressed an international economic forum at Columbia University on Thursday, during which he sounded off against certain, nameless, intellectually substandard presidential candidates who claim not to believe in things like the theory of evolution and global warming.

Michael Bloomberg is yet again treating Wall Street protesters' gripes with his unique style of empathy, "utter dismissiveness." The billionaire, who can thank the robust growth of the financial services sector over the decades for his fortune, knows the truth! The banks did nothing wrong; it was all Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and Congress forcing everyone else to give houses to poor people.

To see the image of Charlie — the white carriage horse who dropped dead on 54th Street after weeks of choking on taxi exhaust while transporting Midwesterners to various locations around a park they were incapable of maneuvering through the use of their own, atrophied jelly-legs — was to have your heart break. But the Horse and Carriage Association assured everyone it was just a random death. Nothing to see here, folks! Just a dead horse collapsed over a manhole cover covered in a blue tarp: "Our horses are taken care of," they assured us. Well, the necropsy results, performed by the ASPCA, are in — and Charlie was a very sick horse.

Occupy Wall Street's camp out in Zuccotti Park could come to a messy end Friday morning. The city has given protesters a 7 a.m. deadline to clear the park for a "cleaning" that would effectively end the occupation. But occupiers promise to resist.

The Occupy Wall Street-affiliated "Millionaire's March" didn't stop by New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg's townhouse on the Upper East Side (or, for that matter, his massive Bermudan estate), but that's okay! Mayor Mike dropped by the permanent occupation at Zuccotti Park on Wednesday evening to say "hi" and join the drum circle.

Everyone's going on and on, trying to figure out Occupy Wall Street protesters want. New York Mayor Bloomberg has finally figured it out: They want to "destroy the jobs of working people."

Feeling a little jumpy around the NYPD lately? Worried they might use their new surface-to-air missile technology to take out a mouthy Gossip Girl star? Well, fret not. Only Mayor Bloomberg could make the final call for an air strike.

Following today's official legalization of same-sex marriage in New York, Mayor Michael Bloomberg opened up Gracie Mansion to serve as both host and officiator of longtime staffers John Feinblatt and Jonathan Mintz's gay wedding. The couple's two daughters shared flower girl responsibilities during the short ceremony, which ended with a double dose of the traditional Jewish glass-breaking ritual. A video of the wedding's highlights is above.

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg is totally down with the gays. (The "R" is for "RAWR!") And what better way to put his money where his mouth is than to dance shirtless on a speaker at the Once Upon a Pines Party? But he isn't doing that. But he is marrying two of his top gay advisers on July 24. It's the same-sex marriage equivalent of throwing the ceremonial first pitch on opening day!

Is the date July 24th on your wall calendar covered in little pink bells and caterers' emergency cell numbers? Then you might be one of the thousands of New Yorkers expected to flood city offices that Sunday, looking to get hitched the second the state's gay marriage bill goes into effect. You've waited long enough — open them courthouse doors!

"I only want him to stay out of my business for the next 935 days. For the record, I do not plan to go into his business." — Mayor Michael Bloomberg discussing Alec Baldwin's potential run for mayor.