An enraged customer crawled through the drive-thru window of a South Brunswick McDonald's because his Fish-O-Filet sandwich was taking too long. Inside the restaurant he assaulted an employee, shouted threats, then absconded with his food.

McDonald's has opened a university in Shanghai to train a new generation of Chinese in the science of encouraging people to eat shitty food. Hamburger U's dean hopes the new campus will be the "Harvard for our industry." [AP]

As the obesity rate in our country climbs, so does our hunger for McNugget. It was only a matter of time before someone realized that the best way to eat a chicken nugget was from a necklace.

A new study by two professors (one also a minister) says that meal portions portrayed in paintings of the Last Supper have grown steadily over the centuries. Has this encouraged people to overeat, or is it art imitating life? [Reuters]

Woman leaves McDonald's Happy Meal sitting out for an entire year, food barely decomposes.

On March 17th, McDonald's shakes go green and McDonald's patrons go crazy for minty Shamrock Shakes. What follows is an expose on the excitement! Also, participating locations.

Starbucks and McDonald's have co-opted macarons, meringue-like cookie sandwiches that shall henceforth be known as Pastry Big Macs. "I saw them at the McCafé on the Champs-Élysées—just down the street from Ladurée! What is the world coming to?!?"

If you order a Big Mac, does the cook start flinging buns around with fervor and enthusiasm? No, you just hope it comes without spit. Well in India they do fast food the way it's meant to be done.

The sole indicator of this silent woman's corporate ties is her ketchup and mustard ensemble. Her existence and back-story—her relation to Ronald and her placement in fast food mythology—are, like so many Japanese imports, shrouded in mystery.

While you were busy consuming your weight in nachos, we were busy rounding up the most memorable commercials of the night, for better or worse. And you know what we noticed? We'd seen all of them before.

A waitress at a McDonald's in Holland sold a co-worker a hamburger. The co-worker then asked for a slice of cheese in addition. So McDonald's fired the waitress for failing to charge the full price for a cheeseburger.

UPDATE: Joe Revitte from Dollar Van Demos sent this note telling his side of the story.

• The week in reviews: Sam Sifton of the Times takes on two Jeffrey Chodorow spots this week, giving one star to Tanuki Tavern and none to Ed's Chowder House; the Post's Steve Cuozzo heads to Casa Lever and is reasonably happy; Time Out's Jay Cheshes gives three stars to Tipsy Parson; the New Yorker's Shauna Lyon hits up Permanent Brunch; and Gael Greene weighs in on OBAO.
• Shake Shack is taking over the world. Outposts in Miami, Kuwait, the Upper East Side, Nolita, and the theater district are all in the works. [NYT]
• Year-end lists: Bloomberg's Ryan Sutton shares his 10 favorite new NYC eateries; and GQ's Alan Richman lists the 10 best new restaurants in America.
• Pink Tea Cup devotees are hoping to raise $100K to save it from doom. [NYT]
• Everything you ever wanted to know about VIP hostesses at clubs. [NYO]
• Your next Big Mac will come with free wireless Internet access. [AP]

The Way We Live Now: Munching on an affordable breakfast as our most valuable national institutions crumble. Culture? Broke. Harvard? Broke? Big stores? No more. Might as well shoot em up, shoot em up, shoot em up, bang.

The new McDonald's in Chelsea is much improved. Not the food, dummy: The ambience. It's the first in America to undergo what the AP calls "a sleek, European-style makeover". Come, let us explore this wonderful place.

• The critics: Sam Sifton of the Times surveys the new Oceana and isn't overwhelmed, giving it two stars; the Post's Steve Cuozzo is pretty pleased with A Voce and hands it three stars out of four; Time Out's Jay Cheshes bestows three out of five stars on Travertine; and Gael Greene heads to Jeffrey Chodorow's Tanuki Tavern and is surprised to find she actually kinda likes it.
• The fanciest McDonald's in America is now open in Midtown. [AP, WPIX]
• Marcus Samuelsson will cook at White House later this month. [Eater]
• Openings/closings: Café Gitane's WV outpost has opened; cream puff spot Beard Papa has closed; and fro-yo chain Red Mango seems to be in trouble.
• In addition to his son, JGV is now employing his daughter, too. [NYT]
• David Waltuck has parted ways with Macao Trading Co. [NYT]
• Zach Braff is a restaurateur on the side, apparently. [GS]

The Way We Live Now: To the extreme. We will sell ourselves for food. We will torture someone over loan modifications. We will make an entire nation too broke to afford McDonald's. What a seductive lifestyle!

• The new edition of the Michelin Guide is out and five spots earn a coveted three stars: Per Se, Masa, Le Bernardin, Jean Georges, and Daniel. [GS]
• Café Boulud reopens this Wednesday following a month-long refresh. [TONY]
• A roundup of restaurants opening in the next week or so. [TONY]
• Carnival, the amusement park/nightclub owned by (and located above) Bowlmor Lanes, soft opened this weekend. The grand opening this coming weekend will be hosted by none other than Paris Hilton. [NYP]
• A look back at Gourmet, which is shutting down after 68 years. [Gawker]
• Another sign o' the times: McDonald's is opening inside the Louvre. [NYDN]

There will soon be a McDonald's at the Louvre. Wasn't there a prophecy about this?