Thank God someone's watching infotainment crapfest The Insider, or else we'd not have heard today's wonderful news: Millionaire anorexic Mary-Kate Olsen is not leaving NYU, as previously reported. On the other hand, this axis-shifting development comes courtesy of Insider host and fellow rehab fan Pat O'Brien, so take it with a grain of salt. Or a gram of blow.

• Bubble-gum pop or British cock? Norweigian ingenue Annie plays at Webster Hall, while Sir Elton John plays MSG. Either way, you'll be surrounded by gays. [Paper]
• One-named wonder Touré and white-suited wonder Tom Wolfe discuss everything from collegiate sexual exploits to life in the 'hood (as hoody as things can be for an Emory grad, at least) at Cooper Union's Great Hall tonight, where they read from their respective new books. [flavorpill]
• New Yorker scribe Malcolm Gladwell and pop-culture advocate Steven Johnson get into an intellectual pissing contest over whose theories better capture the current cultural zeitgeist at Strand Books tonight. Wear your commemorative 'fro. [Strand]

We can't say we've really getten too excited for New York magazine's current, changing-every-day ad campaign, even despite daily emails from the best mag publicists in the business letting us know about the each day's new elements. (Campaign stickers on election day! Woo-hoo!)

And so a campus mourns.

You know those cool little LCD boards they have on, say, the Washington Metro and the London Tube? You know, the ones that tell you a red line to Shady Grove will arrive in 2 minutes, or a Bakerloo to Elephant & Castle in 4 minutes? Well, New York is finally getting some of its own.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• Fresh off a CMJ performance, DFA newbies Hot Chip return to Northsix for a show with Four Tet. The lanyards with badges are gone, though, so you'll have to find something else with which to strangle the annoying hipster next to you. [flavorpill]
• Former junkie and My Friend Leonard author James Frey and his editor, Sean McDonald, take part in the debut installment of the aptly titled "Author and Editor Discussion Series" at McNally Robinson Booksellers. See, Kate? H&M be damned — drug addicts totally do have a future! [TONY]
• The kind-hearted souls at the Red Cross help you prepare for the day when the four horsemen of the apocalypse finally stroll into New York with a free disaster prep seminar down on Wall Street. At least you ll know who to push out of the way first when the dirty bomb hits your stalled E train. [Paper]

Oh, thank God. Things were almost quiet there for a second, and we thought we might have to abandon that whole NYC IS EDGY thing. We'll extend to Queens if it means we get to wear our Baseball Furies costumes for a few more days.

Depending on how much faith you put into the wisdom of anyone trolling around fake-ivy Dartmouth, there may be brighter days on New York's otherwise disgusting real estate horizon. In a survey of 1,400 graduates of Dartmouth's Tuck School of Business, respondents said they'd rather invest in stocks than real estate because "housing prices aren't based on realities." (Hmm — that $2 million 1-bedroom in the West Village strikes us as very, very real.)

An AP lede, moved last night:

This year's MacArthur "genius" grants were announced today — $500,000 over five years, with no strings attached — and six New Yorkers are among the 25 winners. Our geniuses (well, our official geniuses — our mother convinced us at a young age, as we're sure yours did for you, that we're geniuses, too) are:

• So what's up with that island being tugged around the island? Public art, of course. Isn't it all. [Towleroad]
• Yes, we know it's Talk Like a Pirate Day. No, we will not honor the occasion by writing in the appropriate dialect. [TLP]
• The gayest gay loft to ever gay its way onto Craigslist. [Craigslist]
• The Meatpacking District's Hotel Gansevoort spreads its obnoxious seed to the West. [HotelChatter]
• Evidently, someone still gives a shit about model Tyra Banks' breasts. [Contact Music]
• Finally, someone more pissy than us. [NR]
• Tara Reid's binge-drinking tour de force, Taradise, isn't quite as dead as we thought. It is, however, barely twitching. [B&C]
• Can Gwyneth Paltrow effectively play a math geek? And does anyone care besides math geeks? [IHE]
• We didn't watch the Emmys, and we're better people for it. [Defamer]

• A Prairie Home Companion's Garrison Keillor and former poet laureate Billy Collins head on over to the 92nd Street Y tonight to read from their respective anthologies. In extrodinarily soothing, monotone voices, no doubt. [flavorpill]
• Not that you read it in college when you should have, but Vladimir Nabakov's Lolita celebrates its 50th anniversary. Go hear a panel of distinguished scholars pay homage to the novel that provided a convenient catchprase to describe our country's current surplus of teenage skanks. [Paper]
• Marcy Dermansky reads from her debut novel Twins as part of Galapagos Art Space's SMUT series, which includes, says the New York Times, "Art that should carry a Parental Advisory label." One might say the same thing about New York Times. [Upcoming]

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

This week's New York mag cover story is a brilliant study in class envy: It's the salary issue, in which the projected payoffs of various Manhattanites are presented in a handy listicle, ready for your shock and ire.

Friday:
• Evidently, the French don't hate us as much as previously thought: All of the restaurants in Simon Oren's Tour de France group (Both French Roasts, Marseille, Maison, &c.) will be serving a special "French Quarter" cocktail through September 30th, the proceeds of which will be donated to the Red Cross. When you're getting drunk with your inner Pepe, remember: You're saving people.
• The Chemical Brothers, Paul Oakenfold, and Mylo give the CMJ kids a run for their money with a show at SummerStage. That said, it costs 60 bucks. Your other options: Hold Steady (Lincoln Center), Ambulance LTD w/Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (Mercury Lounge), !!! (S.O.B.'s), and Gawker fav Spinto Band (Mo Pitkins). [flavorpill]
Saturday:
• Salman Rushdie, Miranda July, and the Hungry March Band join Paris Review editor Philip Gourevitch at the New York Public Library for a night of cultural edification and high-brow conversation, after which you'll likely realize you're not all that smart. Fuck that. [flavorpill]
• The Kitchen Art Center throws a block party to celebrate the forthcoming conversion of the West Side's High Line into a public walkway. Finally, Edward Norton, Andres Balazs, and Richard Meier will all be able to traipse together in peace. [Paper]
Sunday:
• If you don't go to "gay comic hottie" (his words, not ours) Adam Sank's Electro Shock Therapy Comedy Hour at Therapy Bar, he'll kill you. Seriously, the dude's sent us at least 5 threatening emails, and we're starting to get worried. Go cheer him on, and let our inbox be cluttered no more. [Adam Sank]

There's apparently a new crime wave in Manhattan, and — we kid you not — it's targeting Vitamin Shoppe superstores. Reports the Sun:

Anecdotally, we've noticed this trend even among our formerly perpetually unemployed writer friends.

We know it's the job of the 11 o'clock news to scare us, but this one, which Chuck and Sue told us about last night, seems worse than usual:

On Wednesday, when we read the news that Heather Mills McCartney stomped over to Jennifer Lopez's Sweetface clothing offices with a PETA video, our childish first instinct was to write the item with a punchline relating to her prosthetic leg. No, we decided, that's just too easy. For once, we'll not go the path of poorest possible taste.