In 2003, the city signed a five-year, $166 million deal to make Snapple the "official beverage" of New York City. It didn't take long before the pact was branded a failure, and it never managed to bring in cash that the city had hoped for. The agreement comes to an end this year. And now the city appears to be getting one last parting shot. The city's Health Department announced a new ad campaign today, which is supposed to "scare New Yorkers away from soda, sports drinks, bottled teas and other drinks with sugar in them," and features "streams of sugary drinks turning into glistening yellow globs of human fat, mottled with blood vessels and served on ice." The drink used in the ad? It bears a striking resemblance to a bottle of Snapple, doesn't it? Given the mayor's pattern of "extreme peevishness" in recent months, we're going to assume this isn't a coincidence.

Mayor Bloomberg said today that he isn't really running against anyone else in this year's mayoral election, all the other candidates are pretty much irrelevant, and that he didn't bother to tune into the Democratic debate last night because he doesn't really care what any of them had to say. If that's the case, could he at least do us a favor make the commercials stop? [NYP]

According to a poll by Quinnipiac University, 78 percent of registered voters report having seen one of the gazillion or so TV ads for Michael Bloomberg that have flooded the airwaves in recent weeks. And they're really like him to stop: "Of those who've seen the spots this year, 47 percent say they're annoying; 41 percent say they're informative." [NYP]

Failed presidential candidate and "America's mayor" Rudy Giuliani has been shuffling around New York to shuck up support for a potential Gubernatorial run come 2010, but should really reconsider. Because, honestly, his dreams will likely be squashed. Thus, a warning....

We were a bit surprised to see Michael Bloomberg's name appear on Vanity Fair's best-dressed list. We weren't the only ones, of course. But while the mayor's never been known for his sartorial sense, the Observer's Jason Horowitz thinks the mayor's increasingly "goofy" wardrobe—much like his decision to join Twitter—is part of an effort to spice up a pretty unexciting reelection campaign and keep himself from dying of boredom:

Not only did Mayor Bloomberg use Twitter for the first time this morning, he had to show off and do it in two languages, too. [NYM/Daily Intel]

Michael Bloomberg first mentioned he had a little thing for Salma Hayek a few years ago when he suggested he'd move into Gracie Mansion if Hayek moved in with him. It looks like the mayor is still clinging to the fantasy. According to Joyce Purnick, author of Mike Bloomberg: The Mogul and the Mayor, [deputy mayor] Patti Harris "has been known to scold him for his sly appreciations of the female form," and yet he still slips into "lusty reminiscences about celebrity conquests and equally colorful fantasies about how he would like to entertain Salma Hayek in Gracie Mansion." Could this be the reason Bloomberg has been increasingly "short-tempered, scolding, even petulant" in recent months? Let's hope someone gets these two in a room together so we can find out once and for all. [NYDN]

The former American Idol judge's job offer, Jessica Simpson's training for Hell Week. Bloomberg likes Shiksas, Gerard Butler likes dumb chicks. Paris Jackson's biological father? Lady Gaga: still ridiculous, no word on her penis. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Vanity Fair's rather dubious "International Best-Dressed List" is now online. Take a few minutes to browse through the slideshow to see the obvious picks, close personal friends of Graydon Carter, Condé Nast employees, precious Vanity Fair advertisers, as well as a few exciting new entrants such as Michael Bloomberg, who, as you can see above, always dresses to impress. [VF]

Even though no one knows that there's anyone running against him, Mike Bloomberg's numbers are falling. So yesterday, in a campaign speech, he promised to make all the trains run on time.

For whatever reason, this morning's opening of the new JCPenney store at the Manhattan Mall in Herald Square brought together Michael Bloomberg and Kimora Lee Simmons. Stylist dutifully reports that Kimora wore a "royal blue and orange colorblock top that tied at the back with a slim black pencil skirt" for the occasion. Alas, no word (yet) on Mayor Bloomberg's wardrobe particulars, although the tie certainly looks familiar. [Stylist]

Mayor Bloomberg managed to get the law changed so he could run for a third term. So does that mean he might run for a fourth term, too? Will he be the mayor of this city for the rest of our lives? NY1's Josh Robin put that question to Bloomberg today. The answer? "I don't know." [Politicker]

Mayor Bloomberg had dinner last night with Henry Kravis at Raoul's in Soho. "Security is everywhere." [Twitter]

Mayor Bloomberg's pick to be the city's new finance commissioner is David Frankel, "a former managing director at Morgan Stanley" and former "senior vice president at a unit of American International Group." Now there's a confidence builder! [NYT/Dealbook]

Ha! In a move that's ridiculous and funny and sad all at the same time, the Bloomberg administration is working to rid New York of homeless people by providing them with one-way tickets back from whence they came.

• Ben Silverman didn't have much success during his two-year stint at NBC, but that didn't stop him from scoring a super-sweet deal with Barry Diller's IAC. His new venture will reportedly give him $100 million to play with. [NYP]
• Viacom, the media conglomerate controlled by batty billionaire Sumner Redstone, reported that profits plunged 32% in the second quarter. [NYT]
• Struggling McGraw-Hill reports quarterly profits dropped 22.7%. [PC]
• The Daily News and sportswriter Adam Rubin are refuting the claims of Mets management that Rubin tried to get himself a job on the team. [E&P]
• Amanda Hearst has landed a job at Hearst's Marie Claire. It's a miracle! [P6]

The majority of New Yorkers still don't know who Bill Thompson is. (If you happen to be one of them, he's New York City's comptroller and Bloomberg's leading rival in the race for mayor this fall.) But the fact that most NYC residents don't know the first thing about Thompson doesn't appear to be hurting his poll numbers. In a hypothetical matchup between the two men, Bloomberg leads Thompson by 47 to 37 percent, according to Quinnipiac, although a month ago, Bloomberg was beating Thompson by 54 to 32 percent. [NYT/City Room]

You have to feel a little sympathy for Diana Taylor today. As one of three new boardmembers of beleaguered Citigroup, the former banking regulator will now have to spend part of her days with Citi chief Vikram Pandit and then her evenings curled up in bed with Michael Bloomberg. [NYT/Dealbook]

Idle-gate appears to have reached its conclusion. Earlier this week, Mayor Bloomberg was totally busted for allowing the SUVs that ferry him around town to idle for hours while waiting for him. Now comes word the mayor has informed his staff that he plans to set a better example in the future. Let's hope so! [NYDN, previously]

The city's Conflicts of Interest Board released a big bunch of documents related to the personal finances of various city officials yesterday, a list that included Mayor Michael Bloomberg, City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, Comptroller William Thompson, and Betsy Gotbaum, the city's public advocate.