· The Disney CEO search is so secretive that the candidates might not even know they're being considered for the gig. Candidates will discover they're up for the top Mouse spot only after being struck on the head and regaining consciousness in a secret bunker underneath Space Mountain. And please, never speak of what Michael Eisner's going to do with that flashlight. [Variety]
· The new, talent-friendly, free-spending Paramount obtains the rights to the yet-to-be published novel Love Walked In for Sarah Jessica Parker. [THR]
· Jamie Foxx hasn't even given his obnoxious Oscar acceptance speech, and already studios are elbowing each other for the movie release spots for next year's awards. [Variety]
· Peter Fonda and Donal Logue will join Nicolas Cage in the cast of the Marvel comics movie adaptation of Ghost Rider. Someone obviously tricked Fonda into believing this is a sequel to Easy Rider. [THR]
· In the future, all television pilots will be produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. We suggest self-immolation before that day arrives. [Variety]

· The Aviator (not so fast, Martin Scorsese!) and Vera Drake take the top awards at the BAFTAs. What does this mean for The Aviator's chances at the Oscars? It's going to hurt even more when Million Dollar Baby keeps Scorsese winless. [Variety]
· No punchline necessary: Hayden Christensen signs on to star in The Decameron, opposite Mischa Barton. [THR]
· Eisner tells his shareholders that regardless of what the Weinsteins do, Miramax will remain at Disney. The Weinsteins, however, are still free to beat their employees at any new gig of their choosing. [Variety]
· "The WB's 10th-year pickup of 7th Heaven has put me into eighth heaven" says Aaron Spelling. He continues, "And I'm so happy, I've nearly forgotten that I sired the star of Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?" [THR]
· Golden Age of Antipiracy Report: Specially coded Oscar screener DVD-Rs can't be viewed in older players. The Academy will soon issue Betamax tapes and players to all members to remedy the issue. [Variety]

With the end of their movie partnership looming, Pixar head Steve Jobs isn't going to take any smack-talk by Disney CEO Michael Eisner like a bitch. Watch out, Big Mike, this CGI kitten's got claws:

Today's NY Times reviews the James B. Stewart tell-all DisneyWars, a collection of sordid, family-unfriendly tales from the underbelly of the Magic Kingdom during Michael Eisner's dysfunctional reign. Luckily for Stewart, Eisner's "exiles... have a tendency to wind up testifying in public about their former boss":

Now that Disney CEO Michael Eisner is getting comfortable with the idea of retiring from his post, it seems that the embattled lame-duck has fired the little gatekeeper in his head that stops his internal monologue from sneaking past his lips:

With Disney board members scheduled to start discussing their search for CEO Michael Eisner's successor, president and promotion hopeful Robert Iger has to be thrilled about Eisner's passionate endorsements in the upcoming inside-the-belly-of-the-Mouse tell-all, DisneyWar:

· A&E wins the bidding war with TNT for Sopranos basic cable reruns, ponying up $2.5 million an episode. They pledge to "preserve the integrity of the show" while presumably editing out much of the nudity and violence, i.e., the good parts. [Variety]
· Everybody Loves Raymond's Patricia Heaton signs a development deal with ABC and Touchstone TV, who will immediately try and shoehorn her into a sitcom where she plays a sassy wife who must endure the antics of a schlubby husband. [THR]
· Disney is financially propped up by ESPN and theme parks, while home video revenues head toilet-ward. Hey, why don't they try convincing that Eisner guy to step down or something? [Variety]
· Medium continues to beat up on its mostly-rerun competition, giving NBC a win on the 18-49 demographic, [THR]
· Agent Dance Mini Edition: 23-year William Morris TV veteran Steve Glick dumps WMA for the greener ten-percent pastures of ICM. [Variety]

In his farewell to the NY Times on Sunday, former entertainment reporter Bernard Weinraub offered up a litany of his Hollywood sins. He admits to some initial starfucking (hey, wouldn't you ditch Billy Bob Thornton to squeeze a quote out of Cameron Diaz?), falling asleep while interviewing Jim Carrey (mortifying!), and personal shame over driving his crappy beater to meet rich studio types (doubly mortifying!). In one anecdote, Weinraub admits to falling for the estimable charms of Jeffrey Katzenberg, who predictably dropped him like a dead kitten once he finally abandoned the movie beat after his marriage to rising studio head Amy Pascal proved too complicated for the Times:

Both Disney CEO Michael Eisner and former president/erstwhile "Most Powerful Man in Hollywood" Michael Ovitz hoped to come out of the Hollywood Trial of the Century with their reputations intact, if not restored. That didn't exactly work out now, did it? With the trial ending yesterday, we're left with images of their comically dysfunctional relationship, with Eisner undermining his "psychopath" "soulmate" Ovitz at every turn, and Ovitz whispering in his ear, willing to do anything to get back in his good graces. Denying he was jockeying for some image rehab, Ovitz desperately clings to the idea that "the facts" will set him free:

The LAT reports that Disney president Robert Iger has the inside track to succeed CEO Michael Eisner as Rat King of the Magic Kingdom. (Assuming, of course, that Eisner doesn't decide to fill his pockets with C-4 and take his management team for "one last ride" on Space Mountain.) Iger seems to have the support of Wall Street, but some are worried that he's spent too much time servicing Eisner:

With the Hollywood Trial of the Century resuming for its final week, we're reminded how inhospitable the quaint Delaware town that's hosting the proceedings is to fancy Hollywood outsiders:

· The comic book fanboy rumors are true: Kate Bosworth and Kevin Spacey will play Lois Lane and Lex
Luthor in Bryan Singer's new Superman flick. That's Bosworth-Lane and Spacey-Luthor, unless Singer's really trying to shake thing up. [THR]
· Chastened by Michael Eisner's reign of terror at Disney, the company decides to keep the jobs of chairman and CEO separate. What this means to laymen: The CEO gets first choice of which character costume he gets to wear at board meetings. [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· British thesp David Morrissey hops aboard Basic Instinct 2 as the psychiatrist who tries to figure out Sharon Stone's homicidal, beaver-flashing novelist. Wow, one sentence in and we've already stopped caring. [THR]
· Modest ratings gains have NBC desperately clinging to the idea that 2005 won't be as big a disaster as last year. Keep hope alive, Jeff Zucker! [THR]
· ExploitationWatch: CBS snatches up the rights to Amber Frey's Witness to develop as telepic. [Variety]

As if the comparison between Viacom co-president/positivity coach Tom Freston's hiring of manager Brad Grey to run Paramount and Michael Eisner's fateful decision to hire BFF and erstwhile superagent Michael Ovitz to run Disney weren't excruciatingly obvious, the LAT helpfully provides this neon Bad Idea sign:

Despite a year in which Michael Eisner barely staved off a revolt by bloodthirsty shareholders desperate to mount his head on a pike outside of the Magic Kingdom and in which he had to testify in court about his doomed relationship with former "life partner" Michael Ovitz, the embattled Disney CEO did pretty well for himself. The company awarded Eisner a $7.25 million "bonus," which seems a lot like a payoff for finally getting him to announce his (eventual) resignation. Or, perhaps, it's a bribe by his number two for an implicit endorsement:

During the course of The Hollywood Trial of the Century, erstwhile superagent and Disney president-for-a-day Michael Ovitz has been called a "psychopath," a "total failure" who couldn't even lie properly, and a "cancer." With the trial winding down as we approach the holidays, the LAW's Nikki Finke piles on by pointing crotchward at Ovitz and snickering:

· Switching to a strategy in which they will only try to court viewers who live within the Los Angeles city limits, Showtime fast-tracks the production of Two Blind Mikes, the story of Michael Eisner and Michael Ovitz's love affair gone sour. Do the Showtime folks know something we don't about how The Hollywood Trial of the Century is going to turn out? [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Warner Bros. becomes the first studio to make over $2 billion internationally in one year. Apparently, Troy and Last Samurai play much better with overdubbing or subtitles. [THR]
· Nicole Kidman ditches the new The Producers movie, claiming she's way too busy to learn the songs and dance routines. [Variety]
· Snoop Dogg will star in and produce a Coach Snoop, a film about his experiences coaching his son's football team. Said Snoop, "But most importantly during the football season, if you aren't wearing a helmet, get the fuck away from me. Football first; everything else second." Well, everything else but weed. [THR]
· HBO claims their in-show product placements are all driven by story and add extra realism, instead of adding huge amounts of cash to the network. Right. Nothing's more real than stealth cash from advertisers. [THR]

With the "psychopath" epithet tossed into the fray early in testimony at The Hollywood Trial of the Century, we knew that it wouldn't be long before someone laid the "cancer" metaphor at Michael Ovitz's feet. Today's testimony, however, contained a much more interesting image courtesy of a former Disney director:

Desperate for the kind of star-power that would inject new life into The Hollywood Trial of the Century and cloud the minds of the media, lawyers called Oscar-winning actor Sidney Poitier, a Disney director at the time of Michael Ovitz's hiring, to deliver a soliloquy about his life (and, time permitting, to defend the company's brief employment of the former superagent).

Bereft of high-profile, superstar witnesses (let's face it, the endless parade of current and former Disney executives lacks sizzle) the The Hollywood Trial of the Century hasn't been capturing the town's imagination the way it once was. But in yesterday's testimony, Disney director Gary Wilson recounted how CEO Michael Eisner asked him to take Michael Ovitz out on a "boat ride" and "talk some sense" into him.

Apparently taking a break from writing himself a movie in which he gets to have sex with a woman young enough to be his granddaughter, Woody Allen pens a "Shouts & Murmurs" piece imagining what it might sound like if lawyers called Mickey Mouse to the stand to testify in The Hollywood Trial of the Century: