Saturday Night Live has announced its guest-hosting schedule for the 39th season: Tina Fey with Arcade Fire; Bruce Willis with Katy Perry; and a delicate little flower whose name rhymes with Highly Virus.

It's not every day that a video entitled "Worst Twerk Fail EVER" actually follows through, but in Caitlin Heller's case, every single thing that could possibly go wrong does — and then some.

Cotton-topped moron Richard Cohen is, of course, an awful newspaper columnist. We're used to his steady stream of ill-concealed bigotry, horny romance diatribes, and routine contempt for the entire idea of "journalism." But now, Richard Cohen is forging bold new frontiers of fucked up sexual obsession.

On Sunday, the Lord’s day, Miley Cyrus crawled out of a big teddy bear (that had eaten her, I guess?) and pitched around the stage of a multi-purpose indoor Brooklyn arena in what another century might have labeled “the latter stages of female hysteria.” She licked her mouth a lot. She knocked her butt, clad in rubber underpants, into the crotch of a married man 16 years her senior. It was her dad’s birthday.

Word on the street is that the Oxford dictionary (well, Oxford Dictionaries Online, but still) has added "twerking" to its ever growing list of the darndest things the kids these days are saying.

It's gonna take a lot for a headline to come along today that's more incendiary than "Miley Cyrus and Kanye West Reportedly Team for 'Black Skinhead' Remix," but hey, it's still early.

Miley Cyrus' jaw-dropping twerk-a-thon at this year's MTV Video Music A-twerks was a twerktacular twerkfest that set off a 24/7 twerk cycle. The news loves twerking, the news is confused by twerking, some people on the news won't twerk, some people say they will but don't.

It's been just over 36 hours since Miley Cyrus stuck her tongue out at the pearl-clutching world of knee-jerk moral outrage, but someone already went and wrote a song that puts the entire manufactured fiasco in perfect perspective.

If the Internet has one discernible talent, it's the uncanny ability to take two seemingly disparate things and mash them together in a way that just make sense.

In the past, there's been a certain ceremony to the public sexual awakening of pop divas.

The Onion has this ongoing thing where it pretends to be much older than it really is. Though it probably wasn't founded in the 18th century by a German immigrant named Friedrich Siegfried Zweibel, there is good reason to believe The Onion may actually be from the future.

It seems everyone hated whatever it was Miley Cyrus was doing at last night's VMAs, but MSNBC's Mika Brzezinski really, really hated it.

Taylor Swift's "shut the fuck up"—memorialized here in GIF form—was directed at her ex-boyfriend, One Direction's Harry Styles, who was at that moment on stage. But it's a pretty good review of the entire VMA experience:

Miley Cyrus took her adult-oriented antics to their logical conclusion by stripping naked for a Marc Jacobs International tee designed to benefit the New York University Skin Cancer Institute.

That Miley Cyrus is going through a desperately provocative phase should be plainly obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes.

Miley Cyrus did a hard R-rated photoshoot for the new issue of V Magazine that offers up lots of boobs, buttcheeks, and one giant pair of pink underpants. Despite this feast of flesh, it still manages to be less sexual than the weird Pretty Baby Vanity Fair spread she shot five years ago at age 15.

Alas, it seems that Miley Cyrus' wedding/Super Sweet 16 three-part organza extravaganza blowout bash will not happen after all; Page Six reports that she and Australian actor Liam Hemsworth have separated.

Pretty much the only thing Miley Cyrus knows for sure about her vaguely impending wedding to World's Best Wikipedia Photo Liam Hemsworth is that she wants another one and then another one. She's going to have three weddings.

Miley Cyrus is in talks to play Bonnie in a Lifetime movie about Bonnie & Clyde. (NOT the '03 Hov and Bey version.)