[Miss Universe Stefania Fernandez and Miss USA Kristen Dalton look a little out of place on their visit to Beth Israel Medical Center in New York yesterday. Image via Getty]

Angelina's secret second family: seven Muslim children, and a wife. Lady Gaga spawns jokes about old queens, Suri Cruise goes glam like never before, Tiger Woods' wife buys a mansion in Sweden. Tuesday gossip keeps coming back for more.

Scott Stapp denies that a tour bus video of him and Kid Rock is a sex tape, Jon Gosselin relinquishes primary custody, Suri Cruise has the worst time of her life at The Lion King. Welcome to Monday gossip.

Turns out he only had sex with one Miss Universe contestant, because the world still can't tell Asians apart. At least, so says threesome-haver, sex tape-maker, and Miss Trinidad and Tobago-dater Wyatt Gallery.

What's it like to live next door to the reigning Miss Universe? Christopher, who maintains the photoblog Quite All Right, details his latest encounter with the beauty queen who now lives in his apartment building and was crowned by Donald Trump last week:

From Alderaan to the Crab Nebula, if there is one thing that holds all God's species together it is our faith that the selection of Miss Universe is impartial and free of favoritism. Now that may be in doubt.

Miss Universe took a morale-boosting trip last week, to Guantanamo Bay. "It was a loooot of fun!" There were dogs and beaches. Also detainees.

As promised, Miss Puerto Rico Universe winner Ingrid Marie Rivera appeared on The Today Show show to answer whether the much-talked-about pepper-spray sabotaging incident was in fact nothing more than a beauty queen flimflam, with host Meredith Vieira going so far as to suggest the hives outbreak Rivera claims was caused by high-grade hot sauce was instead the result of a nervous reaction.

Perhaps we're a bit naive when it comes to the things we're told by beauty pageant winners, so blinded by their laser-whitened smiles and duct-tape fastened cleavage that we fail to properly scrutinize unlikely claims regarding commitment to world peace and "feeding the starving Africanese children." So you'll forgive us when we noted without suspicion a news item in which reigning Miss Puerto Rico Universe Ingrid Marie Rivera claimed that an unknown saboteur covered her stage wardrobe in pepper spray. What seemed at first a feat of superhuman, pageant-queen-mind- over-chemical-irritant-matter has now raised questions from incredulous authorities:

The world of professional pageanteering is not for the faint-hearted, where fierce competition for a coveted crown has led many an unsuspecting beauty queen to fall victim to cyanide-laced Vaseline poisonings and slipped-mickey stupid pills that cause them to blabber incoherently about the sorry state of U.S. American education. Thankfully, Ingrid Marie Rivera managed to survive her sabotage attempts and go on to take the Miss Puerto Rico Universe 2008 title, but not before succumbing to a severe allergic reaction after her gowns were doused backstage in pepper spray: