A story in Canada's National Post about how Canadian journo Clive Thompson is secretly jealous of more famous Canadian author Malcom Gladwell made brief mention of "a Canadian mafia of print journos that exists in the Manhattan magazine world." There are more Canucks in the New York media world than you might imagine, and nearly all of them hold positions of terrifying power. Do you know your Canadian Mafia members? Join us on a trip through Manhattan's dirty underbelly with the Molson-guzzling old time hockey aficionados who secretly run the media.

Real estate developer Mortimer B. Zuckerman is the chairman of Boston Properties, one of the largest real estate developers in the United States, and the owner of U.S. News & World Report and the New York Daily News.

The Daily News may not turn a profit this year, according to owner Mort Zuckerman, who told a British Parliamentary group studying the media in September that the news business is "a glorious way to lose money." In fact, in minutes from Zuckerman's meeting with the group obtained by Portfolio's Jeff Bercovici, Zuckerman paints a less than rosy picture of how the News is doing. Circulation figures and ad dollars are down, an advertising office in Detroit has been closed and so have all twelve of U.S. News & World Report's foreign bureaus. The New York Post is a "non-economic competitor," according to Zuckerman, meaning that the Post can afford to undercut the rival News by spreading out any losses around NewsCorp properties, something the smaller News can't do. In fact, Zuckerman's comments to the committee have a distinct smoke signals feel; could he be making overtures to potential buyers out there? Given who pointed out the Portfolio item to us&mdash Mort Zuckerman himself—we're going to go with 'probs.'

Realizing that there's no way they can really compete with Time and Newsweek, perennial bronze medalist U.S. News & World Report has decided to go with the gimmick of running one "best of" issue per month. The Post's Keith Kelly reports that the magazine—which can only sell copies with coverlines like "America's Best Colleges," or "America's Best Hospitals"—is hemorrhaging money that owner Mort Zuckerman would rather spend on glossy, embroidered pink slips that he's handing out like candy to Daily News employees. Asked to confirm the changes, U.S. News editor Brian Kelly tells Keith that, yeah, it's true, but offers the wan assurance that the magazine is "still in the news business," and then provides a handy list of the ten best reasons anyone should believe such obvious bullshit. We're actually kind of excited for the change: We hear February will have the long-awaited "America's Hottest Snatches" issue.

On Saturday afternoon, in a dusty softball field behind the East Hampton Waldbaum's, media mogul Mort Zuckerman was stretching his calves. For a captain of industry, his legs were remarkably rickety. On his right calf, a messy bandage alluded to some frailty. But this was Zuckerman's day. For 25 years he'd played in the East Hampton Artist and Writers Annual Softball Game; he is also often a sponsor. Today he and his fellow "writers" (clad in blue jerseys) were squaring off against the Hamptons Artists; that squad, in red, included noted artist Christie Brinkley. Amelia Bauer was there to catch the action.

If you're of the opinion that wealthy people are innately fascinating because of their wealth, Nick Paumgarten's 13-page New Yorker profile of Daily News proprietor and real estate magnate Mort Zuckerman is a helpful corrective. That thing is a Lunesta in tiny type. We're not even inclined to blame Paumgarten on this one: Zuckerman may be the most boring billionaire in the world, which is particularly surprising considering he's essentially self-made, and his Canadian Jew background alone should at least provide some spark of interest. But guess what? He's full of himself, he brags about his influence in the political sphere, he talks a lot, he used to bang Gloria Steinem, and, uh, that's it. It's telling that Zuckerman only seems interesting in the pages of the New York Post, which has a vested interest in making its rival look bad. In fact, the only amusing anecdote to come out of the story sounds like something you'd read in the Post.

The Chronicle of Higher Education takes a look at U.S. News and World Report's annual "best colleges" issue and suggests that it's one of the only reasons people actually ever recall that there's a third newsweekly option on America's newsstands. But U.S. News owner Mort Zuckerman disputes the fact that the publication takes the extra-ad revenue generated by the "this school is better than that school" issue into consideration when publishing.

• Bear Stearns has a bone to pick with the Times Gretchen Morgenson, as do most people with a background in finance who read her columns. [NYP]
  

• Ladies Home Journal is celebrating being relevant for the first time in, well, ever — thanks to an interview they did with Lisa "Astronut" Nowak last September. [LHJ via FishbowlNY]
  

• Ann Moore is about to fire about 150 of Time's people of the year. [NYP]
  

So asked the Post during their humble celebration of eclipsing the News in circulation. Apparently not Mort Zuckerman, who canned Skenazy after nearly eighteen years with the paper. Keith Kelly's crocodile tears fall thickly on the page this morning as he reports the dismissal:

Considering why Ron Burkle now supposedly "detests" former dinner companion and alleged sex perv Jeffrey Epstein, the most obvious explanation was that Burkle passed judgment on Epstein's bedroom proclivities. However, the real reason for their split may go back to two particular forces responsible for so much anxiety in this town — Bill Clinton and Radar magazine. In hindsight, it was all too obvious, really.

• Tabloid Wars: Mort Zuckerman "panicky," "furious." Nice color: Although News staff knew about the circulation numbers on Friday, they kept them from Mort until Monday. [NYP]
  

Disposing of Barry Diller's dead hookers at three in the morning a non-starter for you? Maybe you'd prefer working for Mort Zuckerman! The Daily News and U.S. News & World Report owner is looking for a new head flack for those failing organs. Before you turn it down outright, consider this: It's a position that's had three occupants (Ken Frydman, Eileen Murphy, and Donna Dees) in the last three years - there's obviously ample opportunity to move on! Full listing after the jump.

More in sorrow than in joy (oh, who are we kidding) Keith Kelly reports this morning on the dismissal of the Daily News' Andrea Dove, vice president of classified ads. Kelly gives a roll call of recent News departures, both voluntary and less so: Editor-in-Chief Michael Cooke, executive vice president Ira Ellenthal, investigative reporter Russ Buettner, feature writer Caitlin Kelly, food writer Isabel Forgang, and Michael Segell, Rebecca Louie, Breanne Heldman, Jami Bernard, Graham Fuller, Michele Ingrassia, Michelle Leifer and Celia McGee.

• Ed Kosner tones down criticism of Mort Zuckerman in memoir about Daily News. The actions of a man worried about his future employability or brilliant meta-commentary on how the News is essentially a softer version of the Post? We prefer to think the latter. [WWD]
• ESPN Mobile will start offering full-length college football games to the nine people who subscribe to the service. [WaPo]
• John Meacham to take reins at Newsweek from Mark Whitaker, Earth continues to revolve around the sun. [WSJ]
• "Must we really need to enumerate all the ways here in which Michael Wolff has proven himself once again to be a total asshat?" No. [NYO]

• Say what you will about the Post, they still give great headline. [NYP]
• They also can't help but tweak rival Mort Zuckerman. [NYP]
• Nor can they resist a dig at the Times. [NYP]
• But at the end of the day, it's nice to know that they'll still bring you the news that really matters. [NYP]

Those compassionate soldiers at the Post feel for their rival army over at the News, today revealing that in addition to the "purge of employees hired by or associated with former Daily News President Les Goodstein," (including flack Donna Dees, canned yesterday), the organization has become a theater of terror where a pledge of fealty to EIC Martin Dunn is now a job requirement. "Adding to frayed nerves is word that management is monitoring all e-mail to see who's corresponding with News Corp. or The Post. Some News staffers also fear their phones are tapped."

For our last Jeffrey Epstein post of the day, some random gossip on the billionaire money man with a penchant for manually pleasuring himself and his underage "masseuses:"

With all the chatter about "Tabloid Wars," we've failed to see anyone pass along this bit of knowledge, so we'll share it here with you. Apparently, the Daily News has final control over what will or won't air on the show. This clause was negotiated by The News' then-president Les Goldstein specifically to ensure that none of the inevitable scenes of reporters making fun of Mort Zuckerman would ever make it to the screen.