Last October, the Obama administration announced a plan to place "photovoltaic solar collectors and a solar hot water heater" atop the White House roof, where panels haven't been since that jerk Ronald Reagan ripped off the ones that Jimmy Carter installed. The goal was to have them installed by the beginning of this summer. They are nowhere to be seen. We demand our symbolic acknowledgement of alternative energy now!

Actor Michael Showers (left), who had a recurring role on HBO's Treme playing Capt. John Guidry, was found dead in the Mississippi River, near the French Quarter. Police say he was there for "about two days." He was 45. [Times-Picayune]

Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi's reign is crumbling; two of his sons have been captured. But as rebels besiege Qaddafi's Bab Azaziya compound, nobody knows where the gristle-headed strongman is. Is he cowering beneath a human shield of Amazonian bodyguards in his compound? Is he sneaking off to Venezuela?

The mysterious and, frankly, menacing mystery orange goo that coated the shores of Alaska recently in a mysterious and menacing fashion has finally—at long last—been positively identified. It's not your mom!

If you veer just outside Washington, DC, you'll find Cheverly, Maryland's Prince George's Hospital Center. And if you veer into the woods just outside the hospital's doors, you'll find... a chupacabra?

Glamorous Conde Nast magazine Glamour had a round of layoffs in 2009 and a momentary environmental hypocrisy scandal last year, but otherwise has been blessedly free of gossipy leaks. Until now!

Lucky editor and popular Tumblr-er John Jannuzzi is having a bad day. In the last 24 hours, The Daily Beast and SheFinds.com separately reported that he is the mystery eavesdropper behind @CondeElevator. Jannuzzi declined to comment on the record when we asked him about the rumors yesterday and today, but 30 minutes ago he said this on Twitter: "This is fucking ridiculous." [TDB, SF, image via @JohnJannuzzi]

After a 24-hour silence following yesterday's blitz of media attention, the mysterious @CondeElevator tweeted a monologue that sounds an awful lot like a farewell. Is this @CondeElevator's swan song?

Who is behind hot new Twitter account @CondeElevator, which tweets supposedly overheard conversations from the likes of Anna Wintour, and accrued 32,000 followers in mere days? Gatecrasher says it's a Teen Vogue employee. Business Insider says the culprit is "about to get unmasked." ABC News says "it could be anyone." Update: And that it's "coming from one or more people at a '4-16' magazine, meaning, a title located between the fourth and 16th floors of Condé Nast,"for a fact."

Here's some Nancy Grace-nip you'll be hearing a lot more about in the coming weeks: Robyn Gardner is a 35-year-old Maryland woman who took off recently on a vacation to Aruba with a man she barely knew: Gary Giordano, 50, also from Maryland, whom she had met online. Gardner has been missing since last Tuesday, and Giordano — who it turns out has a criminal record and a history of domestic violence—is now in custody.

Out of all the crazy shit that happens in New York's subways, this might be the most quietly disconcerting: A filthy refrigerator sat on the West 4th Street subway platform for four days.

The mysterious man imprisoned in Utah County jail for a month while refusing to reveal his identity has finally been identified. As God. Kidding! Actually, it's Philip Todd Beavers, 61, of Farmington, N.M., who lost his job in late June.

Do you recognize this guy? If so, you should give the Utah County Sheriff's Office a call at a 801-851-4202. They've had him in jail for a month now and he won't tell anyone who he is.

Since her lawyers spirited her away from jail yesterday, nobody has seen Casey Anthony. As rumors swirl about private planes, disguises, and pseudonyms, Casey's lawyers will only say that "she's gone, she's safe, and elaborate plans had to be made to keep the people away from her."

Last November, veteran Hollywood publicist Ronni Chasen was shot and killed for no apparent reason while driving her car (pictured) in Hollywood. After a couple of weeks of conspiracy theorizing, police pinned the crime on a random guy named Harold Smith, who shot himself dead as the police closed in on him. Now, police are officially closing the case. But uh... hmm.

The strange saga of Zac Efron's extra nipples begins in my email inbox, where a letter from a publicist landed this afternoon. Dermatologist Dr. Sandra Lee wants the world to know that Zac Efron has a third—and possible fourth—nipple. Her publicist included a photo with an arrow pointing to a Wahlbergian speck on Efron's chest. How have we never noticed this before?

Alfa Choice, a 29 year-old former high school biology teacher, drove with her 44 year-old boyfriend, Christopher Shears, to the middle of the Tappan Zee bridge yesterday morning. There, the couple parked and exited their Chevy Tahoe. Both were naked. They climbed on the roof of their car and then over the bridge's anti-suicide fence. Choice reportedly fell first, "either slipping or falling" (or possibly pushed); Shears followed her over. They were later pulled from the water nearly 200 feet below. Choice died. Shears is in critical condition. What was that all about?

According to the New York Times, there is security footage of former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn at his hotel in the early hours of May 14, the day he allegedly sexually assaulted a maid. And he was accompanied by an unidentified woman.

Since Tea Partying hostess-with-the-mostest Rep. Michele Bachmann declared her presidential candidacy, Dr. Marcus Bachmann—her gay-barbarian discipline-advocating therapist-husband—has been drawing heightened attention on his own. Some people, including famous-type ones, think maybe Bachmann's a gay barbarian as well.

No one has seen Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez for two weeks! (Well, not no one, but you know.) He flew to Cuba on June 10 for surgery on a pelvic abscess, speaking to media two days later to say he was fine, but he apparently hasn't returned to Venezuela since. According to the not-exactly-trustworthy government, Chavez is recovering well, but rumors abound that he is suffering from prostate cancer and may still be in "critical condition" in the hospital. (His daughter and mother were reportedly flown to Cuba, "urgently.") It's kind of unclear what would happen in the event of his death or incapacitation, given that Chavez is more or less an autocrat, not to mention a big jerk. "The US," The Daily Telegraph writes, "would hope to see a less hostile and more market-friendly candidate for the presidency emerge," which is a polite way of saying the CIA is going to be all up in that shit. [Telegraph]