It's really sad when you refer to someone as a crackhead not in a derogatory way, but as a factual identifier. That being said, we knew American Pie crackhead Natasha Lyonne was in the hospital with Hepatitis C — but we certainly didn't know she was suffering from not one but two collapsed lungs.

Apparently, the Post has gone to desperate measures to make a profit, refusing to run a very important story online and, instead, forcing you to spend your hard-earned quarters on a paper copy, just to read the following update: