Portlandia is back for its fifth season which means more Jeff Goldblum!!!! And a laundry list of other celebrity cameos, based on a new trailer released today.

May 21 @ 3:30pm On a bike looking a little heavy and bedraggled. Wearing aviators with knotty orange hair flowing behind her. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

Alec Baldwin turns 51 today. Eddie Murphy is turning 48. Pop princess Leona Lewis is 24. Amanda Bynes is turning 23. 90210's Jennie Garth is 37. Mr. Las Vegas, Wayne Newton, is turning 67. Former ski champion Picabo Street is 38. Legendary actress Doris Day is turning 87. Actor David Hyde Pierce is 50. And Skid Row singer Sebastian Bach is 41. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

• Natasha Lyonne has sold her penthouse studio in the Gramercy Towers on East 16th Street for $440,000. The once-troubled actress is now renting in the East Village. [NYP]
• The owners of two 15 CPW condos who listed their ninth-floor apartments as part of a package deal for $21.5 million back in August, have lowered prices for a second time. You can now buy the combo deal for $18.495 million. [Cityfile, Corcoran]
• Alan Alda and his wife Arlene have paid $3 million for a two-bedroom, 51st-floor apartment at the Millennium Tower on West 67th Street, the same building where they purchased two adjoining apartments in 2000 for $4.9 million. [NYP]

[Look! It's newly-clean actress Natasha Lyonne! In New York, not deathly skinny or holding drugs! Yay! Image via Bauer-Griffin!]

Everyone’s favorite tipsy greaser Kirsten Dunst is reportedly claiming her month-long stay at rehab center-to-the-stars Cirque Lodge was just a quick fix for feeling down in the dumps. As the actress recently told E! Online, she was not in a state of Natasha Lyonne meth-face madness, nor was she popping pills or playing the Brits’ favorite party game of Booze Snorting — she was just depressed! But when we gave the Cirque Lodge's admission guidelines a quick once over, we found no mention of specific plans aimed at those suffering simply from depression. So we decided to place a call to the Cirque Lodge today to see if our dear Kirsten just might be telling the truth. Sadly, as the Magic 8-Ball might say, "Outlook Not So Good." Here's what the spokesperson we spoke to today told us:

Oh, we want so much to hate Street Carnage, Vice co-founder Gavin McInnes' home for his immature bullshit now that Vice is all grown up, but today they posted a clip of former child star and recovering trainwreck Natasha Lyonne watching a clip of herself as a child on Pee-Wee's Playhouse, the greatest television show of all time. Young Natasha is adorable, older Natasha is looking healthier, and while we don't like the company she's keeping here, she can't help but sound poignant when she says Paul Reubens still sends her Christmas cards. Heartwarming. Older Natasha clip, after the jump.

We report, you decide. This week in baby rumors, is Natasha Lyonne preggers? Last time we stalked caught up with our favorite crazee, she looked "clean, clear eyed and smiled a lot" with Chloe Seviggasygny. Now, our stalker says she has a bun in the oven. What do you think? Not is she pregnant, but SHOULD she be pregnant? What is in store for the baby, being the spawn of a celebrity? How much will Natasha get for the pics? Sighting after the jump.

Last seen on the streets of New York and in Bellevue hospital with a collapsed lung and on methadone (and in 2004's extremely awesome Blade: Trinity with Parker Posey which was so good even though Natasha couldn't really walk or anything and Parker was all "Look at me, I'm getting paid bitches!"), Natasha Lyonne is making her major comeback! In a new Mike Leigh play, to be directed by extreme Mike Leigh enthusiast Scott Elliott of the New Group. This is nothing short of miraculous. Welcome back, Natasha, you dog-molestation threatening extremely extremely troubled young person! We're thrilled.

Natasha Lyonne: still alive! [The Superficial]

Sean Jean coats sold at Macy's in New York may be trimmed with the fur of Chinese raccoon dogs (pictured — aww), according to the Humane Society of America. The coats in question are currently being tested to determine the provenance of the fur, which was advertised on Macy's website as being fake. If the fur is from doggies, Macy's will pull the coats from its shelves — the store has a no dog or cat fur policy. We'll leave the question of the policy's arbitrariness aside for the moment and focus on the big picture: what does this mean for Sean "Diddy" Combs' image? We can't decide which easy joke to go with, so pick one from Column A: feud with Bow Wow, what would Natasha Lyonne say, something about Rosie O'Donnell.

Group Says 'Fake' Fur on Coat at Macy's is Real [Reuters via BWE]

On the off chance that you haven't been following the saga of troubled™ American Pie actress Natasha Lyonne that's been dragging on since last April, CNN.com's helpful "Story Highlights" box on today's update should get you all caught up. There is, however, a pitfall to taking the easy shortcut offered by the above bullet points: if you don't read on into the body of the article to discover that Lyonne barged into the apartment and actually had the canine in hand when she said, "I'm going to sexually molest your dog," you lose almost all sense of the hilarious, poodle-diddling jeopardy in which the quivering animal suddenly found itself.

You know, when we took this job, we didn't really know what to expect. There was a lot of uncertainty. But there was just one thing that we were absolutely sure of: that we would one day be writing an item about promising indie actress turned crackhead flameout ne plus ultra Natasha Lyonne.

• Look! Visual proof that Natasha Lyonne is alive, walking upright, not eating dogs, and looking a little thick. Dear God, is she with child? Or just pudgy? Either possibility, combined with the absence of visible sores on her face, suggests that Lyonne may be off the rock. Miracle of miracles. [Splash News]
• Columbia University is launching a full-color weekly magazine — to be edited by none other than Satan's spawn herself, Bee Shaffer. [Bwog]
• Donald Trump is seriously disappointed in Britney Spears. What fasincates us is that he had any hopes for her to begin with. [Trump University]
• Time Out defines and illustrates words like "crackberry, " "underboob," and "celebuskank" (representative example: Tara Reid, of course). Thanks, TONY — we don't know where we'd be without you. [TONY]
• Novelist Kathleen McGowan believes she is the living Da Vinci Code, a direct descendent of the union between Jesus and Mary Magdalene. We believe she's just thought of the best self-promotional pitch ever. [USA Today]
• Britain thinks we work too much. Agreed, but we have to pay for our dental insurance somehow. [Observer]
• Goldman Sachs getting into the hotel business? A Goldman Sex hotel might be more profitable. [Curbed]
• Ashton Kutcher needs to keep an eye on his second cousin. [The Oxford Project]
• Live right above Angela Chase, bump into Jordan Catalano in the elevator. [The Real Estate]
• It's not necessarily #2 at Us Weekly, but this might be just the job for Crazy Us Weekly Guy^TM. [Mediabistro]

Last week we posted a compilation of reader sightings of starlet Natasha Lyonne, whose well-documented drug problems have pushed her towards obscurity. The sightings weren't positive — more or less, Lyonne was described as looking as if she fell off the wagon right before it ran over her. After the item ran, her father, Aaron Braunstein, emailed Gawker to speak with us, but when we responded that we were available, he never wrote back and we moved on with our day. But it would seem that Braunstein opted to talk to Lloyd Grove instead:

Remember Natasha Lyonne? The adorably husky actress from American Pie and Slums of Beverly Hills seemed to have skipped her DARE classes and, in the past year and a half, has threatened to molest her neighbor's dog, pissed off her landlord Michael Rappaport (who wrote about her drug den in Jane), and was hospitalized for all sorts of life-threatening, needle-related things. The last Natasha sighting we ran was in January; we didn't receive another until mid-May. But as we'd not heard much about Natasha, we weren't sure if the sighting was legit, so it was set aside for safekeeping. Then we received a genuinely disturbing Natasha account, then another, and yet one more last night. Four fucked Natashas cannot be ignored, so here they are, in order:

• Never underestimate the power of a hairdresser. Says one with plenty of celebrity clients, "I have this one client, and I gave her an ultimatum...You have to leave him if he's not going to marry you. You're 43, and you've got to get out. You can't accept this. You're beautiful.'" Innneresting. Did Lance refuse to set a date? [NYT]
• Funny that Dave Itzkoff wrote the New York piece on James Frey's editor, Sean McDonald, considering some have called foul on the accuracy of Itzkoff's own memoir. A sympathetic ear always makes for a great interview. [VV]
• A Paris Hilton impersonator crashes Fashion Week, caught on video. It's funny until you watch the clip of the impersonator talking about her job as a Fake Paris — her voice is as monotone and scarily deep as the real thing. [TMZ]
• An open letter to Graydon Carter. [Open Web Letter]
• Natasha Lyonne's father insists that she's not homeless, but rather very wealthy. Sure, but that doesn't address the crackhead problem. [Handbag]

• Late breaking, but: Behold the bacchanalian realtor horror of the Corcoran Group's holiday party. [BizBash]
• Natasha Lyonne may be back out on the streets, but it doesn't mean she's out of trouble: the cracktress skipped her court date yesterday, presumably because she was out buying 60 lbs of baking soda and some bell jars. [NYP]
• Meg Ryan officially adopts a baby girl from China. She's a mess without her, little China Girl. [Us Weekly]
• A trip to Ikea is stressful enough as is. Taking that trip with your significant other can make for relationship hell. Which is exactly why we'll die old and alone, with furniture made from cardboard boxes. [NY Sun]
• Blackface Jesus explains the blackface; confesses that his Halloween costume was Whiteface Jesus. Of course. [Junk Mag]
• Yesterday on Howard Stern, Alexis Stewart revealed her predilection for fucking the wage laborers. [Howard Stern]
• Billy Joel isn't some little kid, you know. It's time to start calling him "Bill." [NYT]
• How to deal with a porn producer. [JenIsFamous]
• Donald Trump sues the NYT Co. and reporter Timothy L. O'Brien for $5 billion in damages — which should cover, oh, maybe half of Trump's paper losses for the next week. [WSJ]

BREAKING:

We receive the occasional email from readers asking what's become of cracktress Natasha Lyonne, who went from semi-starlet to Michael Rappaport's worst nightmare as his drug-addled tenant. Truth is, we don't know where Natasha is — last we heard, she was detoxing in the hospital and, according to her father, she was very ill. The latest issue of Vice has further insight: