We all love office pranks. Who doesn't like to scare their co-workers into fearing for their livelihoods? But we've never seen anything like this. We present to you: The Greatest Rupert Murdoch Prank of All Time

We were too busy reading old magazines and dusting off our summer clothes to bother watching The City last night. Instead, fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern is going to tell you what you missed. There were parties, and Neel Shah!

In your wet Wednesday media column: Peter Chernin assembling a secret empire, John Carney gets a new job, pay TV is far from dying, Jon Meacham meets Steven Rattner, and Vanity Fair joins the electronic age.

HEY. Hey now. When the New York Post got themselves an advice columnist, what'd we do? We tried to help. Know what Page Six does when we get Star-reporter-turned-starfucker Kate Major as our journalism ethicist? Writes a mean, smelly diss!

In your cool-person Thursday media column: Neel Shah's style secrets exposed, a job appears in the media(!), the NYT's web delay explained, and Donald Graham doesn't give a fuck about your hit pieces.

The moment's almost here: one lucky bidder is going to be the proud owner of our charity-friendly National Book Award-winner and James Franco-endorsed copy of Sarah Palin's Going Rogue, which is going to benefit Save The Children. Not Dave Eggers.

At 2009's National Book Awards we honored Sarah Palin's Going Rogue as 2010's frontrunner for the NBA Fiction Prize by getting it signed by the gathered literary luminaries. And now, it can be the best charitable, tax-deductible present ever.

Neel Shah got his scandal-phone returned; Kevin Marks got retweeted by ghosts and Al Yankovic was surrounded by nobodies. The Twitterati were haunted, in a good way.

A Bush-Cheney operative let loose a zinger about orgies and abortion; Kurt Andersen finally watched The Wire; and Neel Shah was discovered something unusual in Oprah's hold music. The Twitterati found some low-hanging fruit.

World's most powerful newspaper gossip column seeks promising scandalmonger among unwashed Twitter hoardes to replace second in command. Willingness to smear boss' enemies a must, as is an ability to hold your liquor and hang out in strip clubs.

The infamous Vogue editrix loses her party planner, House as a tranny-nun, Governator Ahnold's real-life action sequence, a sad Hollywood divorce, midgets, gays, nerdy Jews, scary Americans, more Gossip Girl action, and Gary Busey. Presenting your Saturday morning Gossip Roundup:

Susan Boyle's "exhausted" again, Dustin Lance Black's sorry, Cindy Adams knows where you should hide your cash, Prince Harry's dating a floozy, and Salman Rushdie's a third boob. Oh, and: Ron Burkle and whores. Here's your Sunday morning gossip roundup:

A Dow Jones writer spanked the Washington Post; Evan Williams downplayed his kind of awesome "pre-cancerous" skin removal; and Ron Burkle drowned his problems in models. The Twitterati were lively!

Page Six gossip Paula Froelich's first novel is concerned with a certain set of New York ladies in crisis, Mercury in Retrograde (she may be among them, as a "composite"). So surely other "composites" were in attendance at her book party last night.

Sure, other writers have gone to seduction classes undercover. But how many were female? And how many told their male classmates they'll always be "schlubby" beta males?

Those fratty nerds at CollegeHumor celebrated the launch of their new MTV television show last night, in the lobby of their big boss Barry Diller's IAC building in Chelsea. Here are some photos.

We hear that Neel Shah—former Gawker intern-turned prolific (and recently laid-off) Radar writer and occasional magical berry salesman—is joining the staff of ever-grinding gossip machine Page Six next week. Thus marks the completion of Neel's whirlwind full circuit through all of the stages of the gossip-based media, leaving spinning social vortexes in his wake that scientists assure us will not create universe-eating black holes. Upon reaching P6 he will receive a banana, a bottle of water, a blanket, a winner's ribbon, and the last media paycheck in New York.

The Radar magazine contributor is something of a man about town, but even we were surprised to see him show up at our office, delivering the aforementioned magic berries that Hamilton ordered, like a common coke dealer. So we asked him what was up! Does the pay at Radar suck? "Nah... beats freelancing," he says. We got the rundown on his berry-selling ring:

When Glamour fired their so-called "Edgy English Teacher" dudeblogger Mike yesterday, Radar Online's resident man-about-town (and former Gawker intern) Neel Shah got on the case, as he is known to do! Mike was fired by basically provoking commenter revolt after he got a little too open and honest about his womanizing on his "Man Needs Date" Glamourblog. What did these two heartbreakers discuss? (Fuckin' women!)

If you weren't blonde enough to make it to Julia Allison's 27 and Still Single extravaganza last night, there was the free Apes & Androids show at Hiro Ballroom. There was no caffeine-infused vodka, alas, but for an hour the Hiro Ballroom was offering free warm beer. It was classy.